January 25, 2007

Jesus Christ Cruise

Jesus Christ Superstar?


Biggest movie star in the world, undegreed and unschooled medical doctor, PPD-expert, pharmacist, drug counselor, movie critic, supporter of the man-heel and man-bangs and expert political advisor that should be sent to Iraq to get things squared and iron out all our differences. Now we can add Messiah to that already impressive list.
That’s right, all “Holy Shiyite”s aside, the Wee One is soon to be a real Holy Terror.
And to whom can we thank for bestowing such a big title on the diminutive daredevil?
Apparently best bud Davey Miscavaige. Also know as the Grand Poobah of Scientology. The Grand Poo thinks that future generations will come to see the performer that graced us with such gems as Cocktail and Interview with the Vampire as a misunderstood philanthropist, a do-gooder who was just a man before his time. Like Jesus Christ.
According to The Sun, the pint-sized tornado "has been told he has been “chosen” to spread the word of his faith throughout the world." That's right, the couch jumping and verbally aggressive interviews were just the tip of the spaceship. If Mr. Cruise has indeed been chosen by the Church of Scientology to be The Chosen One expect more jumping, more abrasive interviews and much, much more talk about aliens, body thetans and Xenu.
Incredibly blasphemous egos aside, I wonder how Scientologists, who consider Jesus Christ to have been a pedophile (baby raping is a very popular concept in the "Church"), can tack such a label on their most verbal (and most annoying) poster boy.
I say let's flog The Wee One, nail him to a cross and entomb him. If he then arises in eternal life, I will buy him as Jesus, Jr. and don a "Go Scientology" shirt.
Regardless, there is good news. At least for the Wee One's fans. It's good to know that, Hollywood aside, he can still get a job.
Scientology's Chosen One

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