January 18, 2007

Lohan Needs a Divorce From Her Mother

Dina Lohan toasting her daughter's decision to enter rehab

While it’s with relief that I read about Lohan checking herself into rehab, I also have a strange feeling about it. Maybe I’m pessimistic, or maybe I’m just biased because I don’t think much of Lohan - - but I wonder if Lohan is doing it for herself, as the song goes. In the midst of her alcohol, drugs and male consumptive haze, did she sprout a lone brain cell that screamed “Rehab! Rehab!” into the crevices of her skull? Or did her publicist give her an ultimatum? Don’t get me wrong – ultimatums are good and fine, but unless the person is making their own choice, rehab rarely sticks.
Lohan: Oldest 20 year old on the planet
Rest assured, it certainly wasn’t Lohan’s blatantly piss-ass poor excuse for a mother Dina that encouraged her child to enter rehab. Not the mother who allowed her daughter, at 17, to move into the Chateau Marmont, or to live with her 8 years older boyfriend, or took her underage child partying at the trendy hotspots.
And this, I think, is where most of Lohan’s problems lie. With an indulging, imbibing, immature and famewhoring mother, how could Lohan have escaped a life of booze, drugs and men? Dina has enabled, encouraged and excused Lohan every step of the way. All in the name of keeping her out-of-control child’s name in the papers. Someone needs to tell the less than neurologically dazzling Dina that infamous and famous are not the same.
How in the dark is Dina about her child? When asked about her daughter’s entry into rehab, the elder Lohan told Star Magazine (and I quote because I couldn’t make this crap up if I tried) “I’m so proud of her. She’s really in a good place right now, spiritually and mentally. She’s in an amazing, phenomenal place. She’s 20 and she’s solid, and she’s doing what she needs to do. I don’t know that many people who are that secure. It’s all about her, and getting back on track. She’s fine – she’s amazingly fine.” Uh . . . yeah. Maybe Dina doesn’t know that many secure people because she hangs out with drunks, addicts and losers? And seeing as how most addicts are at rock bottom when they finally elect for rehab, how on earth could Lohan be in a spiritually and mentally good place? And is Lohan getting back on track because it’s all about her code for “she’d better get her ass back to the movie set and continue earning money to keep me in the lifestyle to which I’ve become accustomed”?
Lohan really only has one choice. Divorce Mommie Dearest. She is far more dangerous than Paris, Joe Francis or any other waste of space “celebrity” that she frequently hangs out with. With Mommie, Lohan will never be free of her addictions, whether it be booze, pills or men; Dina will see to that. Do we think that Dina doesn’t know how much it benefits her to keep Lohan in a haze?
So, congratulations, Lohan on entering rehab. Get through the 12 steps and then go for the 13th - - Divorce Dina Lohan!!

A quiet night at home with the Lohans

No comments: