February 21, 2007

Idle Chatter

HEATHER MILLS is definitely in washed-up celebrity land. She has officially confirmed that she will be a cast member of the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars. According to the show, the volatile and verbal Ms. Mills was approached because : "We thought it would be interesting to have someone with a disability on because we wanted to prove that dancing is something anyone can do. She really wants to prove to people that a disability doesn't hamper you in any way." Exactly. Disabled people can dance. Disabled people can lose and lose their shit on national t.v. (we can hope). Disabled people can beat down paparazzi with one leg. No problem. Now let's see Ms. Mills argue in court that the big, bad Paul McCartney abused and terrorized her by holding her prosthetic leg hostage.

VICTORIA BECKHAM aka POSH SPICE claims that it was "hard work" to dress supposed BFF KATIE HOLMES aka ROBOBRIDE up for Harper's Bazaar. Yeah, I'm sure it was. I remember playing dress up when I was younger and man, let me tell you, putting it 8 plus hours per day at the office, and then going home to take care of a family can't even compare to how difficult it must have been to throw some fugly clothes on Tom Cruise's beard. Sheesh. Be relieved, Posh. Imagine the hard work it was for Tom and his Scientology crazies to suck the life out of Katie.

Speaking of THE WEE ONE, it's being reported around town that His Holy Craziness went on a firing rampage and two of his employees ended up with pink slips. No, the Robobride wasn't lucky enough to be the recipient of such a hallowed termination paper - - apparently that honor went to a personal assistant and a caterer. What happened, Tommy? Did they forget to put the paps on your speed dial? Did you find a copy of Down Came the Rain in your home? Or maybe the unspeakable happened . . . did they make eye contact with you? Because we all know that unless the media is around and you are all about kissing Tom's wee ass, while pandering for an autograph, or your life appears to be compromised in such a way that only a petite action star can help you, Tom's not about to make eye contact with the little people. Here's hoping that the PA and the caterer already have tell-all deals in the works.

TINA TURNER is rocking 67! Seriously, she looks better than she did back in her Mad Max days. Hollywood needs to take note. This lady is aging gracefully. If she's had any surgical help, it's slight and discreet enough that you can't tell. Absolutely nothing wrong with entering your golden years actually looking older than 25. And not be ashamed of it. Take note, Hollywood. Take note.

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