February 2, 2007

Interview with Celebrities - Sean Preston Federline

Sean Preston Federline

Second in my new "Interview with Celebrities" series and my subject is the fascinating and stylishly attired Sean Preston Federline, first (and only seen) son of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. Sean has met me, sans parents but with nanny and a half-full bottle of apple juice, in tow, at Taco Bell. Despite being late, Sean proves to be an interesting subject.

PS: Hello Sean and welcome.
SPF: Whazzup!
PS: Do you mind if I call you Sean?
SPF: Whatev.
PS: I think one thing our readers are dying to know, Sean, is what it's like to be the son of Britney Spears.
SPF: It's cool, you know? 7-11, McDonald's, Taco Bell . . . the taquitos are the bomb.
PS: So your cuisine runs the gamut of fast food establishments?
SPF: Huh? What does cuisine mean?
PS: Your family likes fast food?
SPF: Well, duh! Didn't you read the interview with my dad?
PS: Which one?
SPF: Damn, girl. The one where he told you that I'll be working at Taco Bell in the future. How awesome is that?
PS: They'll be lucky to have you.
SPF: Damn straight. I figure I'll start with Taco Bell, get a little experience and work my way up to In-N-Out Burger or something like that.
PS: It's good to have a plan.
SPF: You ain't kidding. If the whole restaurant thing doesn't work out, I can always try to be a rapper like my dad.
PS: Really? Well, I hope you have a little better luck.
SPF: No prob, sister. I can already outrap his bony ass!
PS: That's great. So let's talk about your little brother.
SPF: JJ? He's my homey.
PS: So you two are close?
SPF: Fo' sho. That's how we hang.
PS: Any idea when we'll get to see him?
SPF: That's up to my momma. It's kind of fun messing with everyone, you know?
PS: I'm sure it is. So does JJ look like you? Or more like your mom or dad?
SPF: Lucky bastard looks like me. He ain't got no hair though - - he's keeping it real.
PS: Good for him. How does JJ spend his days?
SPF: When he's not chillin', he's writing the lyrics for my momma's new album.
PS: Are you serious?
SPF: You think I'm joking? Somebody's gotta do it and I don't have time.
PS: So, Sean, let me ask you what you think about all your mom's partying . . .
SPF: Hey, I thought this was going to be about me!
PS: It is, it is. Our readers are just curious as to how your mom's choices are affecting you.
SPF: Oh, okay. Shoot.
PS: What do you think about your mom's partying and going out and her decision to not wear underwear?
SPF: Look, she's just hanging out. That's all.
PS: Wouldn't you rather she stayed home with you?
SPF: Yeah, but she works hard, you know?
PS: Sure. She's definitely had a hard year.
SPF: Word.
PS: But you don't think her recent decisions are going to affect you in any way? Come back to embarrass you in the future?
SPF: My momma is my momma, you know?
PS: Yes, she is. Do you care to comment on the high chair incident?
SPF: The damn thing broke. Period.
PS: Okay. How about when she drove with you in her lap?
SPF: She's country! It's what country people do.
PS: Okay. What about when she nearly dropped you in New York?
SPF: Didn't you see all those people blocking her way, trying to take her picture? Plus, have you tried carrying a baby and a tumbler while walking in heels? And without spilling your drink? Didn't think so.
PS: I understand that. But wouldn't you rather her act like a mother?
SPF: Quit hatin' on my momma.
PS: All right. Let's change the subject. We discussed your father a little bit. Anything more you'd like to add to that?
SPF: My dad's cool.
PS: Don't you wish he'd wear a belt every now and again?
SPF: Why?
PS: To hold up his pants?
SPF: What for? If he did that, you couldn't see his boxers.
PS: That's my point.
SPF: Don't go hatin' on my dad.
PS: All right, that's enough about Kevin. Do you get to see your half sister and half brother?
SPF: Nah. Their momma don't like my momma.
PS: Do you have many friends?
SPF: I got lots of peeps.
PS: I spoke to Suri Cruise earlier this week.
SPF: Oh yeah, Suri's one of my 'hos.
PS: She mentioned that she was starting a group for celebrity children.
SPF: Word up.
PS: So you are concerned about the welfare of celebrity children?
SPF: I figured I could meet some hot bitches in there.
PS: Uh-huh. So . . . any particular interests? Hobbies?
SPF: I like hanging at the 7-11. I play a little poker for some spending money.
PS: Really?
SPF: No shit. You don't think I'm hanging around in the hotel room while my momma is clubbing in Vegas, do you?
PS: I guess not. Anything else you're especially interested in?
SPF: I'd like to invent a new Cheeto flavor.
PS: That would be interesting.
SPF: 'Xactly. I was thinking maybe beer flavor.
PS: Beer?
SPF: It's for kids, yo!
PS: Do you think mixing beer with kids is a good idea?
SPF: It's not like I'm talking about hard liquor or anything.
PS: Well, I'm glad you are thinking about the kids.
SPF: Someone's got to. Just cause I live in the 'Bu and all, doesn't mean I'm spoiled and all that.
PS: No, I would never take you for a spoiled rich kid.
SPF: That's right. My momma and daddy hired a good nanny.
PS: I'm sure they did.
SPF: Look, it's been real and all, but I got peeps I need to see. I'm outtie.
PS: Thanks, Sean.
Not your typical 1 year old

No comments: