April 27, 2007

The Cruises and the Travoltas: A Study in Scientology Marriages

The Cruises and the Travoltas are Scientology's two most visible and, they want you to believe, successful, marriages/mergers in their organization. Until recently, I would say that there has been nary a crack in the Travolta foundation. Do I believe that true love guided John and Kelly down the aisle? Heck, no. But I do think they exemplified how to conduct yourself accordingly when in an arranged marriage, particularly when that marriage was arranged by the ghost of L. Ron Hubbard.
Had Jesus Christ Cruise not gone all batshit crazy during the summer of 2005, I think the Travoltas would still be flying under the radar and making the occasional public appearance, smiles firmly plastered on their faces, arms interlinked, to show a "Hollywood success story". But the Mini-Messiah's very public p.r. meltdown not only cooked his own goose, but burned the Travoltas as well.
Gay rumors have followed Travolta for years; as well as curiosity and confusion about Scientology. Travolta never responded to the gay rumors and, for the most part, the whispers about batting for the other team quited down after he and Preston made their billion year pact to one another in a Scientology ceremony in Paris about 15 years ago. From that point forward, Travolta (at least on the surface) become a devoted and loving husband and family man; his career was revived and accelerated, while his wife's slowed to a trickle. Scientology rarely came up in interviews and when it did, Travolta answered questions deftly and with little fanfare. If he had an "understanding" in his marriage, it was quietly swept under the rug - - his personal life could be separated from his public and professional one.
Before the conception and birth of that ugly media monster known as TomKat, Maverick too was Cruise-ing by in the public's perception as a good husband, devoted father and laid-back Scientologist. Yep, just like Travolta, the gay rumors were there and there was a small eruption of new rumors every now and again - - unlike Travolta, though, Maverick liked to sue. Or, rather, threaten to sue. He was never permanently stung by the rumors and he was kept firmly in check p.r.-wise. Additionally, Nicole Kidman seemed an ideal partner for him, regardless of their personal situation or any "agreement" or "arrangement" in their marriage. In everything but height, she seemed his equal. Theirs was a marriage that benefited Hollywood - - charming, dashing action movie star with his serious soon-to-be-Oscared Aussie wife. These two made it work, much like the Travoltas did.
And then came TomKat and with one Oprah appearance, and one rant to Matt Lauer, crucifying an 80s icon, the years of hard work were obliterated and these two relationships came under the spotlight. It's only natural that when pointing out the obvious "for media consumption" PDA that so infested all of TomKat's early appearances, that Scientology would come under fire - - and Scientology's previous power couple, the Travoltas, would be hoisted under the media spotlight and compared to TomKat. With Maverick's meltdown came the green light to rake him over the coals; previously pampered and coddled by the tabloids, the print media let loose a 15 year build up of rumors, innuendo and snark, with the former Joey Potter caught in the crossfire, staring dazed and glazed at the cameras and enthusiastically crowing "Tom's amazing!" Suddenly Maverick's hyper, wild and overly intense behavior, always present and previous to the meltdown just a characteristic, an eccentricity, became alarming and not the norm. Whereas he was energetic before, now he needed meds. Where he was all involved and consumed with projects, now he became controlling. KateBot was seen as an actress trying to claw her way to A-list status by hiring out her services - - most notably her ability to parrot what she had been told to recite ("I'm so happy, I'm so lucky!"), convincingly was optional, and her womb, to provide Maverick with that elusive "biological child".
How can we not draw comparisons between the Crazy Cruises and the Travoltas?
In the PR race, however, the Travoltas come out the winners. Despite missteps, like the TMI-laden statements of egg fertilizing and various positions necessary at the Wild Hogs premiere, the Travoltas have generally managed to stay under the media radar and out of the shooting gallery of innuendo and contract speculation. Neither JT nor KP have given "exclusive" interviews to print media to further boost their fairy tale romance and stress how amazing the other is and how magnificent their lives are together. What the Cruises don't realize is that no one is that happy all the time - - unless you're a game show host. Which provides scary speculation as to what Maverick's next career move will be. Yikes.
At the end of the day, or more appropriately, at the end of the contract, the Cruises will be plastered all over the tabloids as their relationship comes to a long and painful (and Oprah episode worthy) death, while the Travoltas, should they split, will probably split much the same way they've lived the last fifteen years. Quietly, under the radar and with restraint and decorum. In other words, the antithesis of TomKat.

April 25, 2007

Loving on Heroes: Television on Speed

Heroes, quite simply, is the bomb. And no pun intended, seeing as how a bomb in New York City is what the show is building up to. After a six week hiatus for seemingly no reason, other than to make us Heroes fans crazy and worry about how we are going to spend our summer without new episodes, Heroes came back on Monday and delivered one kick ass episode.
When we last left off, Mohinder was pinned to the ceiling of his apartment, compliments of Sylar, helplessly watching while Sylar began slicing into Peter's brain. Cool, huh? What Sylar didn't know, before the hiatus, was that Peter picked up Claire's handy ability to heal thyself - - and he immediately began doing so before Sylar could make appetizers of his little gray matter. Peter threw Sylar against a wall, causing Mohinder to fall free from the ceiling, but before Pete and Mo could escape into the much safer environment of New York City, Sylar was back up and ready to fight. Don't you know that crazy people never die easy? Peter immediately makes himself invisible, which rather than freaking Sylar out (he is crazy) makes Sylar mutter with glee "oh, I can't wait to try that power" and I'm thinking "yeah, buddy, you have to kill Peter first and he's pretty much indestructible. Good luck to you." Before I can even finish the thought, though, Sylar has thrown bits of jagged glass throughout the apartment, we see one stick into something, then Peter appears and falls, dead, to the floor. Before Sylar can open up the snack bar on Peter, Mohinder comes out of nowhere with a giant, billboard-esque rolling map and rolls Sylar over. Awesome! It's really too bad the fight is over since obviously Sylar and Peter were in the mood to party. But you have to wonder why Peter would make himself invisible and then stay in the exact same place. Why not run out in the hallway and grab the inevitable fire ax or something? Anything? So Mohinder drags Peter's body out of his chalet (off camera) and takes a taxi, with the corpse in tow, to Mrs. Petricelli's glam apartment. No worries on raising the cab driver's suspicions about toting around a dead body; after all, this is New York City. Mrs. Petricelli is in the midst of telling Claire that she'd better move her ass to Europe, as originally planned, when Mohinder breaks the bad news about Peter dying, but doing so while saving his life. Instead of being proud of her son, Mrs. P. basically tells Mo to get the hell out of her house, after he's put Peter's body on her glamorous chaise, since we wouldn't want Mrs. P to get her hands dirty, would we? Exit Mohinder. Mrs. P cries over Peter. Enter Nathan, who also cries over Peter. Nathan has had a bad day. He's just left a meeting with Linderman, who has told him that Nathan is destined for the White House, after the bomb goes off in New York City, claiming about 7% of the population. He shows Nathan a painting that Isaac did, with Nathan standing in the Oval Office. Impressive. Linderman also shows Nathan his own "special" ability, which is to heal others. Wow. Is there anyone on this show that doesn't possess special abilities? Ando? Boy, do I feel like an underachiever.
So back to Nathan. He storms out on Linderman, only to come home and find Peter with a chunk of glass stuck in his brain. Thank goodness for Claire. She has the sense to pull it out of Peter's head and what do you know? Peter comes back to life. So obviously the only thing that will kill Peter (or Claire) is some impediment to the brain. And the whole ten minutes without oxygen thing obviously doesn't apply since Peter knows where he is.
Meantime, Mr. Bennett is still in lockdown by the evil Eric Roberts. "Claire" comes in but we know it isn't really Claire. It's that shitty shapeshifter Candace, who really needs to be written out pronto. After being appropriately bitchy, Candace exits. Eric Roberts tries to get Mr. Bennett to spill on details, but it's a fruitless effort. After he leaves, Mr. Bennett sends Matt messages telepathically. He instructs Matt on how to get out of his cell, and also bust Ted the Radioactive Guy out of the pokey. By episode's end, all three guys are chowing down in a local diner, with plans to get to New York to find some device to destroy so that the evil Eric Roberts can't GPS their asses.
Mean old Eric Roberts, meanwhile, has intercepted a phone call that Mohinder made to Mr. Bennett and has appeared at Mohinder's apartment. Boy, I hope Mohinder didn't give a big security deposit or he's seriously out some bank. And why would Mohinder come back to his apartment, where Sylar last was? Does he have a death wish? Anyhow, mean Eric Roberts tells Mohinder that Mr. Bennett is no longer with the firm and Mohinder agrees to work with mean Eric Roberts to find Sylar. Mohinder really isn't good picking partners, is he?
Sylar, meanwhile, found Isaac's name and address on the floor at Mohinder's pad and is after a little snacky. Isaac has been painting the bomb and his own death for weeks and is ready for Sylar to show up. He's ready meaning that he does absolutely nothing to protect himself and allows Sylar to munch on his head. Buh-bye, Isaac. Sylar then goes to a blank canvas and begins to paint a truly horrifying, elementary level picture. I guess while Isaac's ability to foresee the future translates to Sylar once he digests Isaac's brain, the talent to paint does not.
So back in Vegas, D.L. has apparently figured out how to tell Jessica and Niki apart and besides wondering exactly when he figured this out, I'm thinking "It's about freaking time!" So D.L. tells Jessica/Niki that he's taking Micah and there's nothing she can do about it. Um, D.L. . . remember last time that happened? Jessica/Niki took a shot at you with an automatic weapon. So he leaves, without Micah, of course and Linderman shows up wanting Micah. Jessica/Niki says no way and storms out. Next thing you know, Jessica/Niki is handing poor Micah off to Linderman - - turns out that Jessica/Niki is really Candace the Shitty Shapeshifter and I honestly hope that when Jessica/Niki finds out that Micah is gone and Linderman has him, she goes absolutely apeshit postal on Candace's ass.
So, anyhow, Hiro and Ando get the very end of the episode, being five years in the future, in a desolate and destroyed New York City. Hiro thinks to go and find Mr. Eeeee-sack and instead encounters his future, warrior, bad ass self in Isaac's former loft. Cool!
Previews look promising. If you haven't sampled Heroes, you really must do so. This is television. This is your television on speed. Welcome to the world of Heroes.

American Idol: Competition Gets Tighter as Idol Gives Back

The theme for last night's Idol was inspiration and all the singers pretty much brought it (it's about time!) Simon and Paula obviously got the message from last week and refrained from playing "Gotcha nose!" and actually paid attention to the singers. The shirt Randy was wearing was giving me a paisley-induced headache. Ryan's two tone tie was freaky. All this before even the first song!
So we're told that inspiration and giving back is the theme and Bono is the mentor, for obvious reasons. Way cool.
Chris gets the craptastic first slot and he selects Eric Clapton's "Change the World". Chris is actually decked out in a jacket and tie on top, and cargo-like pants on the bottom. Can't expect him to be fully decked out, I guess. His performance starts out a bit shaky and improves by the end, but even Mr. PS says it's not Chris' best performance (and Mr. PS really wants to support the former Hooters employee). Unbelievably, though, the judges proceed to give him a tongue bath. WTF? Is the sound on my t.v. jacked? Do I need to clean out my ears? It wasn't terrible, mind you, but worthy of excessive praise thrice over? I think not.
Now comes Melinda and is critiquing even necessary at this point? Wouldn't it be more fair to just say Melinda would have sung Faith Hill's "There Will Come a Day" and kept the microphone from her? Girl can do no wrong, especially now that she has deep sixed the "who me?" front.
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Where the hell is Bono? Why aren't we seeing any guest mentor clips? I call b.s. on this!
Blake is up next and he looks seriously subdued and whipped. I think being in the Bottom Three last week scared the hair gel right out of him. Blake has chosen one of my favorite songs ever, "Imagine" by John Lennon. I think he does a respectable job; after all, it is Lennon and the song is all about vocals, certainly no room for beatboxing. After the gag-inducing tongue bath given to Chris, Blake only gets a lukewarm reception. Randy was waiting for Blake to jazz it up (it's "Imagine", Randy!), Paula understands Randy's concern (let's all drink from Paula's Kool Aid, shall we?) but gives Blake appropriate props for singing a slow, moving song very sincerely, and Simon seconds Paula's props on the sincerity front and says he liked it.
I feel worried for Blake.
Now we have LaKisha, who simply must kick ass and take numbers tonight after last week's scare. Kiki informs us that she has chosen Fantasia's "I Believe" and I think there is a collective groan from every Idol watcher in America. Did she not learn from last week's take on a former Idol? While I'm not familiar with Fantasia's version, I don't think Kiki does a half bad job. She certainly puts her pipes to good use in the end, and she really does look pretty in a black dress, with the girls properly covered up and contained. The judges like her, but of course, draw comparisons to Fantasia's version and even go so far as to say that there are certain artists you just don't touch, like Mariah, Celine, Whitney - - I guess Fantasia is on that list now too? Anyhow, I don't think Kiki was half bad but I don't think it's really fair to compare her to someone else. Moving on though.
Phil is up next and after his awesome country performance last week, he smartly chooses Garth Brooks' "The Change". Obviously Phil needs to stay with country. He can obviously sing and country seems to be the best niche for him. The judges agree, for once. All of them liked the performance, Paula deemed it Phil's best, and Simon even gave Phil a compliment on the performance and told him he should go with country.
Jordin gets the pimp position of the night and she has selected the classic "You'll Never Walk Alone". She looks lovely and it is indeed shocking to remember that she is only 17. The judges are beside themselves with admiration and adoration over Jordin. Randy tells her that was simply the best performance he's ever heard on six seasons of Idol, period. Paula tells her she's glorious and Simon gives her the usual props.
Don't get me wrong - - Jordin is good. Very, very good. But I think it's pretty obvious that the judges are 200% behind Chris and Jordin, almost no matter what they do.
Anyhow, big reveal tonight - - and TWO HOURS of Idol giving back. Oi vey.

April 24, 2007

The Cruise-azies Kick that PR Machine into High Gear

Suri: 12 or 15 months old?

Boy, those Crazy Cruises have been quite busy this past week. First, the KateBot goes back to work, on her "comeback" film, Mad Money. I don't know about the vast majority of the population, but I don't consider one heavily photographed costume fitting "work", but hey, call me a pessimist. So KateBot jets on down to Shreveport, Louisiana on Friday, rubs elbows with the locals at Target (her elbows I'm sure she immediately doused with niacin in order to get them back to Scientology status) and then flies back to L.A. on Monday so she can have dinner with Captain Scientology at the so-discreet and under-the-radar restaurant Cut. Um, yeah. And the reason for this would be? I'm guessing it was a photo op to debut the Mini-Messiah's amazingly refreshed looking mug. Of course, KateBot looks like her usual craptastic self, the only new addition being a space age silvery jacket she appears to have stolen from David Bowie during his Ziggy Stardust period. So we assume that KateBot then returns back to the Mad set, only to have allegedly been back in L.A. on Wednesday, in order to celebrate the birth of her cash cow, her "little honor", Suri's official first birthday. Rumor has it that the party was complete with a butterfly and dragonfly motif and that KateBot's mom jetted from Toledo for the shindig. So on Thursday, the Mini-Messiah pulls out all the stops, for his Scientology benefit in New York. If he was debuting a freshly refreshed face on Monday night, they need to up the dose because girlfriend is looking haggard. Shaggy, mangy looking hair, sweaty, flushed and plump cheeks . . . ewwwww. Not exactly Top Gun. And did someone tell the KateBot that it was 80s night? How else to explain the leggings under her tunic/dress, and the clunky gold belt? Any beard worth her black American Express card knows that girls with thick legs should really avoid leggings. Does Tommy Boy never look at his employee before leaving the house?
So things are quiet on the Cruise-front for a day, and then, just like a bad zit, they reappear again, this time on Saturday, en route with The Little Honor, Suri herself, to Grier Henchy's birthday party. And Captain Cruise-azy is again looking refreshed and almost pretty. I have to wonder, did Nicole give her ex the name of her cosmetic surgeon? And with all the attention that Cruise-azy pays to himself and his appearance, how is he letting his arm candy look so assy? Really! Going to a children's birthday party, in Beverly Hills, dressed in a crummy oxford shirt, jeans and with stringy, heavily unconditioned hair? And no makeup? Did Tom use all the makeup? How is the KateBot getting so much time off from the movie set? Is her role the equivalent of five minutes' screen time? Exactly how big are Tiny Tom's lifts? So many questions.
The First Lady of Scientology, with Katie

April 19, 2007

American Idol: Sanjaya Goes Home, Nasally is a Form of Singing, Simon and Paula Play Gotcha and It's Country Week, Ya'll!

Country week on American Idol won't soon be forgotten. It will be remembered as the genre that finally sunk the S.S. Sanjaya; that introduced a new form of singing ("nasally"); that highlighted how truly rude the judges can be; and the week that Phil finally brought it and brought down the house.
Phil got the craptastic number one slot and, perhaps after weeks of being in the bottom two and three, decided to put on his shitkickers and guarantee a place in Safeville. He sang Keith Urban's "Where the Blacktop Ends" and despite the fact that I really hate country music, this is where he needs to stay. He came alive on the stage, got some audience participation and showed a real, non-creepy personality. Randy told him country music was where he should head, dawg. Paula and Simon had to reluctantly concede that Phil gave a kick ass performance, although Simon, typical to himself, had to add "but it might not be enough to save you". Funny, Simon. Maybe if you hadn't been too busy trying to grab Paula's nose during Phil's performance . . . seriously. He was grabbing Paula's nose, rather than watching Phil or listening to the performance. I'm sorry, but if American Idol was willing to pay me a billion jillion dollars to sit down once a week and critique some singing, my happy ass would be paying attention and critiquing. Particularly when we're talking about live t.v. - - no room for editing. But I digress . . .
Happy little Jordin came out next and showing some major balls, chose guest mentor Martina McBride's own "Broken Wing". Hard to follow up Phil's country rocking performance, but she did. I don't know if I thought she was as golden as the judges' tongue baths decreed, but she does have a lovely voice. Simon even told her that this was the first performance that made him think she could win American Idol. I noticed again, as I do every week, that Jordin has stunning teeth. Life isn't fair.
So then Sanjaya comes out . . . doing his best impersonation of Aunt Jemima. Frankly I have no idea how putting your hair into a do-rag equals country, but then I again I also have no idea how Bonnie Raitt's "Something to Talk About" equals country either so maybe I'm just out of the loop. So Sanjemima gets into position and I'm prepared to avert my eyes from what's sure to be a repeat performance of the not-so-subtle visual molestation that he performed on the camera last week and I'm instead assaulted by a weak, whispery rendition of Ms. Raitt's song. Lord help me, but all I could think about was squeezing Sanjemima's chest or midsection hard enough to get a real powerful voice out of him. He does manage to kick it up a bit at the end, but the judges are all over him for the karaoke-like performance and it being "utterly horrendous" per Simon. No surprise that he ends up in the bottom three.
Now it's Chris' turn. Chris has chosen "Mayberry" by Rascal Flatts. I have absolutely no idea about this song. I'm nervous upon seeing a fiddler. Will Chris come out in overalls, a straw hat and with some chew? No, he's wearing blue jeans and a white jacket. Is that country? So I'm just not feeling the song. It's not bad but it's not great. The crowd goes wild though. Maybe I'm tone deaf. Randy and Paula give Chris passable remarks, but Simon thinks the judges hear things differently than the audience. Funny how that works, Simon, when you actually pay attention to a singer's performance. He doesn't think it was good and he thinks that Chris sounded more nasal than usual. To which Chris replies "Nasally is a form of singing, in case you didn't know." Huh? Really, Chris? Dude, I thought you were way smarter than that. And if that wasn't enough nonsense spewing forth from Chris' mouth, he chose a very, very bad time to give a shout out back home to Virginia Tech. Way to get sympathy votes though.
Melinda did her usual, fab as always performance. Can we really say anything more? The judges loved her, Martina loved her, but amazing! Simon actually told her to lay off the "who, me?" attitude. Finally!
LaKisha just had to go and choose a Carrie Underwood song, didn't she? Her version of "Jesus Take the Wheel" just lacked the honest emotions that Jordin gave us. And worse, LaKisha attempted to put some LaKisha-isms into the song so she was basically shouting at Jesus by the end. Surefire way to end up in the bottom three. You'd better bring it next week or you're in trouble, girl.
Finally, Blake gets the pimp spot and he chooses Tim McGraw. I already know I will like this because even though I don't like country music, I like Tim McGraw and I really don't know why. So Blake did pretty well, I thought, particularly considering that it's a genre he normally wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole and he's waaaaay out of his comfort zone (demonstrated admirably well by his decision to wear argyle for country night). Surprisingly, the judges give him decent reviews, but nothing spectacular. And he ends up in the bottom three.
So, reveal night is once again about five minutes of real programming stretched into an hour. Do I care what the Idol kids listen to in their down time? Uh, no. Did anyone know Fergie was performing? Did anyone care? Uh, no. So after hemming and hawing and wasting as much time as possible, Ryan splits the Idols into two groups, with one group being the bottom three and one group being the "safe" one - - Sanjemima, LaKisha and Blake on one side; Phil, Jordin and Chris on the right. Poor little Melinda is in the middle and told she is safe and why doesn't she just go ahead and choose the group she thinks she belongs in. So while I'm thinking geez, Ryan, be a tool, why don't you?, Randy is apparently shaking a "shamey, shamey" finger at Nigel and Melinda, bless her little heart, just plops down in the center of the stage and shakes her head. You go, girl! No simpering little wallflower here! So Ryan gives up the bootie and sends Melinda over to Phil and Company, leaving Blake looking a bit confused and LaKisha looking as though she's going to faint. Ryan asks the judges if the right Bottom Three are on the stage. Randy's got to wonder. Simon agrees with two of them, and has a "cat ate the canary" smile, which Ryan inquires about and Simon, being Simon, states he senses a change coming about. What a perfect time for a commercial! And then we're back, of course, to hear Martina McBride who, although dressing a bit yoga-y, isn't half bad. For country anyway. Ryan is again in Tool Mode after her performance and asks her if she agrees with the Bottom Three. Ryan is really good at putting people on the spot. Ms. McBride doesn't fall for it either and instead instructs the cameraman to go to commercial break. Done. We return with about four minutes ticking on the Idol clock and it's time for the big reveal. First, of course, we must end someone's torment and send them back to the safety chairs. It's Blake! I think all the judges breathed a sigh of relief and faith in America was slightly restored. So we got down to Sanjemima and LaKisha. And it's Sanjemima!! Finally, finally, his luck ran out (or the tween and teen girls were on phone restriction). He hugs LaKisha for what seems an eternity and since he didn't appear to be letting go anytime soon, Ryan starts the Going Home montage, where we are again treated to Sanjemima's many hair follies. Eventually he lets go of LaKisha and we see that Sanjemima is crying, but he gets it together quickly enough for his Sing Off, which, following in Haley's footsteps, is actually better than his Tuesday night sing. Go figure.
Goodbye, Sanjemima. We will miss your hairstyles and outfits and crazy song choices. As Ryan said, we won't soon forget you.
Six and counting . . .

April 17, 2007

Idle Chatter

KATEBOT 2007 spotted in Shreveport . . . Katebot escaped the clutches of the Tiny Terror to film her comeback, sure to be straight to DVD, film Mad Money in Louisiana and graces the lucky little people with her queenly presence at Target. That's right folks, she lowered herself enough to shop at Target. Because there is no Barney's New York in Louisiana. "I met some really great people," so says the Queen of Cruise, "it was nice and they did recognize me." Congratulations, Katie! That means two years of fraud upon the general public has paid off! You have been spotted! What else did Tiny Tom's mystified Amazonian and apparently meager missus have to say? "We had nice chats about kids. It was lovely." Lovely? Who describes shopping at Target as "lovely"? And what could Katebot possibly have to say about kids? She's seen them before? Maybe she even has one, although she may not be able to pick her child out in a crowded room. Anyhow, no reports on what Katebot purchased at Target. I'm betting on ribbons and cupcakes.

WTH is wrong with MATTHEW MCCONNAUGHEY? Does the guy even work anymore? I mean, we know he works out. Excessively. In excessively public places. Listen, Matt, we know you're all into the zen and yoga and balance and chi and becoming one with nature. We know you have a great bod, although that shaggy chic from the neck up is seriously lessening your hot quotient and putting you into the "ewwwww" category. So, please, please, please . . . cut your hair. Shave your face. And other than bike riding or running, work out in private. Do I really need to see you working out on a picnic table next to your Airstream? Didn't think so.

BRITNEY SPEARS is now blaming manager Larry Rudolph for introducing her to Paris Hilton and causing all her problems. While introducing Brit to Paris was a total bonehead move, I also think it equates to introducing Hep C to HIV. Hep C's eventually gonna get you, but HIV will speed the process along. Does anyone besides Britney feel that homegirl would have crashed and burned with or without Paris' skanky influence? Seems to me that Brit needs to stop playing the blame game and start playing the single working mom game.

It's official. JOHN TRAVOLTA has entered the Kingdom of Cruise-azy. While he's not (yet) spouting the ridiculous banter that has come to characterize the Mini Maestro - - you know, the statements about not being gay, how he's the Jesus of Scientology, how he's 5'9" - - JT apparently considers himself as big as Marilyn Monroe and Elvis but will not befall their fates because of his belief in the alien beings living inside of him, a/k/a Scientology. Look, I love Grease. Urban Cowboy is a guilty pleasure. JT was perfectly cast in Pulp Fiction. So why does he make me wish he was sitting on a toilet and gasping for breath?

April 16, 2007

Idol Recap: Wednesday, April 11 or Stretching Five Minutes into an Hour

1. Happy trails, Haley. It's been swell. We'll really miss the hot pants and stilettos. Well, not really. And why did you sing your exit song waaaaaay better than your Tuesday performance?

2. Chris R. in the bottom three? Seriously, how hard are the Idol producers pushing Chris?

3. Quite possibly the worst half-show Ford pimpomercial ever. Faces morphing? Come on, folks. If this is the best you can do, get some new blood in there.

4. Who is Akon and why is he performing?

5. Didn't Simon wear that same shirt yesterday? What's with all the gray?

6. I think Paula is drinking the same kind of Kool Aid that The Little General keeps Katie stoned on.

7. I didn't understand a word of what J. Lo was singing, but (don't shoot me) the love is still there. Surprisingly enough, girlfriend looked better Tuesday night, "casual", hanging with the Idol kids, versus made up within an inch of her life onstage.

8. Tony Bennett is a good sport.

9. The group sing was ass.

10. One hour result shows are a waste of everyone's time.

The Final Seven

April 11, 2007

Network Executives are So Smart!

Particularly the ones at NBC. They gave The Black Donnellys, what, something like four episodes and then decide to cancel it? But sure, let's leave Wife Swap on, because that's quality t.v. right there.
In case you don't know, Donnellys was the censored-for-primetime-t.v. version of The Sopranos; or, rather, the early Sopranos. The story centers around an Irish-American family, the Donnellys (duh!) - - widowed mother Helen and her four adult sons, Tommy, Jimmy, Kevin and Sean, all of whom are caught in the underbelly of New York's organized crime. The episodes are told in flashback, through character Joey Ice Cream, in prison and talking to the cops. We are told in the beginning that brother Tommy is the most "salvageable" character of the quartet; he's in art school and seems dependable and anxious not to fall into the criminal schemes that his brothers fall prey to. Due to a childhood accident, Tommy has also spent most of his life trying to make up for a mistake and tends to make excuses for brother Jimmy, who is anxious to make it big financially and be the head man in charge. Brother Kevin gets pulled into Jimmy's schemes and is addicted to gambling. Brother Sean takes a beating for Jimmy and thinking he has lost his model good looks, decides to drop out of school and become Jimmy's henchman. To further complicate matters, Tommy is desperately in love with Jenny, a lovely girl he's grown up with but who cannot see him as boyfriend material because she knows the crowd he runs with.

Sounds great, doesn't it? It really is. And I would imagine that once Heroes returns from it's ill-timed hiatus, ratings for the Donnellys would greatly improve.

Go to www.nbc.com and click on "contact us" to email NBC a short missive on how boneheaded and basically moronic their decision to cancel is. Save the Donnellys!

Save the Donnelly brothers!

American Idol: Getting the J. Lo Love

Last night on American Idol, hell began to freeze over and pigs are dotting the sky everywhere in flight because I actually felt the love for J. Lo! I've never been a fan and actually suffered from Bennifer backlash at the time she and Ben Affleck called off the wedding, broke up and she hooked up with Skeletor. But last night, on the show, she looked (dare I say it?) pretty, she seemed approachable, friendly and nice and I actually think she gave good advice.
So it was Latin Night and Simon was obviously suffering from a severe case of PMS and Paula had an IV hookup of her Kool Aid. I know girlfriend says she's never been drunk a day in her life, but how about all of them? And does stoned count? Does "you were good, just good" even count as legitimate judging?
Melinda got the crappy lead off spot and I think the hairdresser that had the incredibly poor taste to make her hair big, flippy and a total fire hazard should be terminated immediately. Melinda sang "Sway" and while she demonstrated just as much vocal talent as always, it was boooooooring. Shouldn't Latin music be passionate and breathy and sensual? I got the feeling that Melinda was reciting something she memorized. Of course, Randy and Paula gave her the usual tongue bath, but Simon actually told her he didn't like her performance. I'm sure Simon will be spoken to by TPTB at Idol since Melinda is their obvious favorite. Note to Melinda: Again, cut the shocked, surprised and bowled over "they really like me!" look. Miss Diana Ross has told you she liked you; Lulu has told you she liked you; Gwen Stefani told you she liked you; Tony Bennett told you he liked you. Is it really surprising that Jennifer Lopez likes you? You can look shocked and surprised if someone actually tells you they don't like you. Understand?
LaKisha got the second spot and sang "Conga" and, God help me, but I simply cannot see anything but her monster breasts. I know it's breast envy and all, but does she not have any wardrobe money left to buy a good support bra? Halter tops aren't always for big girls, Kiki. Think about it. Hell, my back hurts just typing this and thinking about the extra twenty pounds she's got to be lugging around with those suckers. So LaKisha sang "Conga" and while she did venture outside her comfort zone and was more energetic than she's been, she still didn't just let loose and get all excited. Note to LaKisha: Less is more. Meaning less breast. Please cover up next time. And please look like you're having fun. I see more excitement in my dentist's waiting room.
Chris was the first man up and I know he's the hometown boy and all but . . . he sang "Smooth", which I love. J. Lo suggested he take it up half a notch in rehearsals, which helped. He sounded decent during rehearsals, but when he first came on stage . . . OUCH. He did settle down and give a decent performance, although I think it was still too low for him and for that song, but the judges obviously like Chris and want him to move forward because they all gave him props, even Simon, who must have popped a Midol on the last commercial break. Note to Chris: You are called Timberfake for a reason, and a very legitimate one. Right now, you look like an escapee from Backstreet Boys or 98 Degrees. Please try to branch out. Blake is going to swallow you whole.
Haley was next and, what a surprise, she's in hot pants! Well, it's good to know that even Haley realizes what is keeping her in this competition and not fighting it. So Haley is singing "Turn the Beat Around" and while I thought this would be a good song for her, since there is a lot of music and backup singing going on, I think she had a hard time keeping up. Not terrible, but enough to keep her on? All the judges hated her, even Paula didn't give her snaps for looking so good this time. I guess that ho-red lipstick didn't do it.
Phil sang "Maria Maria" and although he hit a bad note at the end, when his voice cracked, I don't think it was terrible. I think it was a decent song choice and good for his voice. Even J. Lo claimed that Phil gave her goosebumps during the rehearsals. The judges, however, have decided that Phil isn't a contender and so nothing he does is going to get any acclaim from them.
Jordin, happy and smiley as usual, sang "Rhythm is Gonna Get You" and I thought she gave a fun performance. Her vocals were good, although Simon feels she was playing it safe and not growing as a singer. Time for another Midol, Simon. I do agree with Jordin's suggestion that Idol do an 80's night. Cool!
Blake took a big step and decided to sing "I Need to Know" by none other than Skeletor, Mr. J. Lo! And tore up the house. Perfect song choice, perfect vocals, perfect dancing and perfect performance. It was definitely Blake's night, despite his Panama Jack hat and ever-present Grandpa pants. Hot. Very hot.
And who gets the pimp spot but "the embodiment of Latin passion" (per Ryan), Sanjaya, who sang "Besame Mucho". Like Simon said, it wasn't horrible and I actually think Sanjaya has found his genre. It worked for Ricky Martin, it could work for Sanjaya. Just keep singing slowly, sweetly and in Spanish and you're golden. However, please, please, please quit looking at the camera with that odd mixture of camp, lust and longing. It's making me queasy.
Best of the Night: Blake and Ms. Lopez herself, who I found (don't shoot me!) very endearing.
Worst of the Night: Haley
Who Should Go: Haley
Who Will Go: Haley or Phil, who was circling the Death Seal last week

April 10, 2007

Thinking about TomKat: Two Years On

The end of this month will bring us to the two year anniversary of the birth of that media Goliath known as TomKat. Two years during which the tables have been turned and the rules have been changed.
Before TomKat, The Little General was just Tom Cruise - - that movie megastar whose only tarnishments in the age before excessive and over the top PDA with the former Joey Potter became sport was the occasional gay rumor flare up - - since the conception and birth of TomKat, Tom Cruise has become a Napoleonic figure in both height and an obsessively controlling nature; an intolerant, highly excitable figure with a maniacal grin; a man overloaded with wealth, supporting an unorthodox cult that hides behind religious status in order to avoid the tax man.
Despite the "magnificent" Katie Holmes bringing Cruise the supposed love of his life, the most amazingly amazing relationship EVAH, it seemingly has brought about the destruction of his carefully constructed and maintained image. Did he ever jump on couches (publicly at least) to declare his love for Nicole? He left first wife Mimi Rogers for the statuesque Aussie actress and spent ten years with her (give or take a few days, depending on whose attorney you believe), having two children with her. Nicole may be cold but the woman has never come off as lacking in intelligence - - and yet Cruise finds Katie Holmes to be the woman of his dreams? The same Katie Holmes that shock jock Howard Stern called "a blank slate"? Hmmm . . . maybe a scholastic void is what Cruise wants.
If so, that plan has backfired as well. Most of us with ten fingers can count the number of times Ms. Holmes has spoken publicly since her attachment to Cruise, and spoken clearly, concisely and relevantly. Actually, I think someone minus their limbs period can count those number of times. That would be a big goose egg for those of you wondering. From her giggling schoolgirl-like utterings of "amazing!" in the pre-engagement period (those whopping six weeks, if you're keeping count) to the disturbing, straitjacket-inducing recitations given to W magazine which first gave her the tag of being robotic and dazed, to the painfully ass-kissing rapture given to the Family Cruise in Vanity Fair, where the genetically questioned Suri was introduced, and where Ms. Holmes "raged" to Jane Sorkin about "all the shit that's out there" and in the same breath spoke about moniker-challenged Suri as being a "glorious girl" and "the miracle of our lives", Ms. Holmes has proven to be far less media savvy and celebrity-ready than her diminutive partner. Worse still is her physical appearance - - far from looking gloriously happy and in love, Ms. Holmes has become an expert in drabby chic, attired in oxford shirts, jeans, ratty hair, dark circles under her eyes - - and that's on her better days. She hasn't shot a movie in over two years, the Hollywood equivalent of suicide. We're not talking about Julia Roberts here, people. Katie Holmes before Cruise was C list, at best.
But back to Cruise. Never mind the questions and careful evasions of how he met Ms. Holmes and what exactly he finds so fascinating and endearing about her besides her love for cupcakes. In late April of 2005, the surprising duo told reporters that they had been dating for "a couple of weeks". Upon Suri's no-doubt silent birth on (allegedly) April 18 of last year, the oh-so-public couple claimed that, lo and behold, Suri had made her debut on the anniversary of their first date! So which is it, Cruises? Ten days does not equal "a couple of weeks".
And why the rush to get engaged, upon the Eiffel Tower, no less, a mere six weeks after meeting, and yet the slow, excruciating walk up the aisle? Was it truly because Cruise and Holmes were focused on their babies - - Suri and MI:3? Was it because Holmes was being particularly tough on the prenup? Or, maybe, was it because a wedding wasn't in the original plans, which had to be scrapped when the public didn't jump on board the TomKat love train? So how well thought out was TomKat? I have to think "not very". If a lot of thought had been given to it, the Cruise Camp would have introduced us to Cruise's new "ladylove" gradually and not dropped the Love Bomb on us in Italy. Further, his camp would have chosen someone more compatible with Cruise himself. Rumors about contracts notwithstanding, I do think that Cruise and Nicole Kidman shared a warm friendship prior to their divorce and enjoyed each other's company. It was evident in their public appearances and in photographs. Seeing Cruise and Holmes together makes me think that he has only seen her nether regions on film, like the rest of us.
So what has TomKat taught us, besides making a moniker out of two celebrity names can be extremely annoying?
1. That Tom Cruise is desperate. Desperate to remain relevant. Desperate to have us continue to believe that he is virile and magnificently and amazingly heterosexual. (And can allegedly father a child with a head of hair that would make Elvis envious.) Desperate for us to believe in the hoax that L. Ron Hubbard has been brainwashing people with for the last fifty years.
2. That Katie Holmes is a moronic fashion disaster. Either she unknowingly entered into a billion year contract with Cruise and Scientology, which would make her so naive in Hollywood to earn a moronic tag, or she knowingly signed on the dotted line, which would make her so opportunistic, shallow and materialistic to earn her a moronic tag.
3. That Scientology is a dangerous practice and has the basic tools to turn its members into tools. Cruise appears to slowly be losing his sanity, going apeshit on Matt Lauer and Brooke Shields; John Travolta apparently keeps his son Jett in a hidden room when he and clam-wife Kelly Preston aren't speaking publicly about their marathon sex sessions and how positioning is going to help them start trying for yet another Scientology member this summer; Leah Remini publicly speaks about how not only is her daughter so fugly that Suri Cruise is magnificently beautiful in comparison (bitch, please), but her daughter obviously should already be in anger management as she hits other toddlers.
4. That no matter how hard you try to pass off a mutt as a purebred, in the end, it's still a mutt. No matter how much Cruise stands on his tiptoes and appears to nuzzle Holmes, while keeping an observant eye on the cameras, naturally, it still seems forced and always will. Until Holmes loses the dead-eyed thousand mile gaze, no one is going to believe that she's madly in love with Cruise, or that she's independent and making her own choices. Girlfriend is dependent on Barneys, therefore dependent on Cruise and his AmEx card, plain and simple.
5. That the children are the ultimate victims. Bad enough that Cruise himself thinks he can cure people of heroin addiction in three days, that the dictionary "cured" him of his dyslexia or that he's become so intolerant and full of himself (and Scientology) that he can easily say "F&ck you, then" if you don't agree with him. He has three children that are being raised in the School of Scientology and I don't believe for a minute that Kidman or Holmes has a damn say in it.
6. That Cruise can't dance for sh*t and even white boys are hanging their heads in embarrassment.

Seriously, though. Staging is good when selling a house, but not in a relationship. It's time for Cruise and Holmes to throw in the towel and burn that contract.
In the beginning: PDA everywhere
Last month: oh yeah, feel that love

April 6, 2007

American Idol: First True Upset of the Season, Gina Voted Off

In what surely will be the first of several shocking upsets this season, uber-rocker Gina was voted off the Idol Isle. Was there anyone who wasn't surprised? Haley obviously expected to go - - she was crying before Ryan announced who the lucky dog (in a nod to Nascar) would be. Jordin and Melinda looked stunned from the safety seats. Thankfully, we didn't have Haley's friends and family cheering, doing the wave or whatever that they did after Sligh's elimination last week.
With Gina's elimination, though, there seems to be a renewed dislike, even hatred, for Sanjaya, despite the fact that it was Haley on the seal with Gina and Haley taking that last seat. Is Sanjaya deserving of this enmity? Haley? Would Gina have ended up with the Idol crown? Not likely, with Melinda, Jordin and LaKisha as female competition. And the Idol judges did her no favors by tagging her as "The Rocker Chick", particularly when Gina primarily shone doing renditions of "I'll Stand by You". Yes, it was done by The Pretenders, but it certainly isn't along the lines of "Paint it Black", which I'm sure Mick Jagger regrets having any connection to after Gina butchered that song a few weeks back. And her performance of "Smile" last week, while a bit boring, was understated and showcased her voice in much better terms than Haley's performance last week. Sadly enough, Gina's singout of that same song was so emotional, so heartfelt that if she had sung that Tuesday, rather than her actual performance, she might have slipped into next week, and Carnival Cruises might have had a new employee in Haley.

April 4, 2007

American Idol: Top 9 Sing, Judges Gripe and Moan

Were all the judges suffering from PMS last night? Did Paula share her Kool Aid? Seriously, people - - this is your job. You show up on Tuesday night to listen to people sing for an hour and give your supposedly honest opinion. You show up for half an hour on Wednesday night to listen to the week's guest mentor perform, and listen to the results. Whoa, what a tough schedule. You have permission to bitch and moan when you're working a 40 hour week.
Anyway . . . it was "Standards" week and Tony Bennett was the guest mentor.

I thought the judges were on some mean crack last night. I thought they were unnecessarily harsh to Phil, who they obviously believe should be sent home. I think Phil sounded pretty good, and if Tony Bennett says you have the best voice he’s heard in a while, something is there, regardless of what Randy, Paula and Simon think. I highly disagree with Simon’s comments about Phil’s song being worthy of a funeral. Maybe Simon drank some of Paula’s Kool Aid. Melinda definitely has the best voice overall, but she’s boooooooor-ring to me. Girlfriend seriously needs to ix-nay the “who, me?” expression. She’s a professional backup singer, she knows she can sing and she’s been getting a tongue bath from the trio of judges for weeks. There is down to earth and humble, and then there’s annoying and she is dangerously treading into annoying territory. LaKisha has a good voice, but I always feel like she’s oddly disconnected from what’s going on. It’s like she’s coming to work, doing her job and leaving. She needs to show a little excitement up there. And she really should start listening to (and taking) the guest mentor/coach’s advice. She’s been given good advice from Diana “Miss Ross” Ross, Lulu (who really should be a permanent part of AI) and Tony Bennett and she’s neglected each. If she doesn’t watch it, she’s going to pay for that. As a sidenote, I think her boobs are bigger than Ryan’s head. Gina surprised me, as I thought she would commit the professional equivalent of barfing up a lung and crapping her pants onstage, with the standards. I was pleasantly surprised, although her singing was no match for boooooooor-ring Melinda or the amazingly cute Jordin. I think she had four pounds of makeup on, I think it would be much easier for her to sing if she removed that tongue ring and I really think she needs to quit shopping at Hot Topic for her stage clothes. Haley looked like she was about to go onstage at Carnival Cruises. She is a very pretty girl, although I think that green dress did a huge disservice to her cleavage. But yes, she’s a pretty girl - - so, ATTENTION RANDY, PAULA AND SIMON: judge her on her singing, not her looks. This isn’t Miss America. She can handle honest criticism. Her singing wasn’t terrible but it wasn’t great either. Jordin continues to amaze every week. Girl is seriously only 17!! I think she has the best versatility of anyone onstage - - she isn’t afraid to try something different each week and while that can be dangerous, I think it’s paid off for her. Simon is smoking dope if he thinks she sounds old (she IS singing a standard, after all). She doesn’t sound any older than borderline-cabaret leaning Melinda. She could be the dark horse in the AI race. Blake is cute in that dangerous kind of way and he has successfully parlayed a fabulous, onstage personality into talent. I liked his version of Mack the Knife, but he did go first and that’s usually a dangerous spot to be in. He could possibly wind up in the bottom 3 and, if so, will recharge his fearful fans next week and probably land him in the pimp daddy spot of being the last singer. Chris, I want to like and yet he reminds me of Kevin Federline. However, he seems like a nice guy and although his voice isn’t spectacular, the judges fell over themselves with glee over what they termed his best performance. He should be safe. Sanjaya. What to say? He should be the one to go home, as he didn’t give a terrible performance, but he’s consistently proven that he has the weakest vocal range of anyone there. I do admire him for getting out there every week and continuing to try - - he’s in a very unenviable position - - and he definitely keeps things interesting. The judges’ tactics of not even commenting on his vocals is childish and rude though. They could give him some honest advice that doesn’t need to be mean, while avoiding the fact that he’s still in this competition because of Vote for the Worst, etc. Further, they have nobody to blame but themselves. They chose him. They advanced him. Now they’re pissed because he’s still around? Get over it.
Definitely safe: Melinda (duh)
Possible bottom 3: Phil (yikes), Haley, Gina
Should go: Sanjaya
Will go: Haley

April 3, 2007

Travolta Continues Serving His Time

John Travolta has been a member of the Church of Scientology for 32 years (!) and yet I think he's talking more about the controversial cult, uh, "religion" in the wake of the "Wild Hogs" premiere than since 1977. Why so wordy, John? Could it be punishment for bussing the manny last year? Or worse, bussing the manny and getting caught on film? Tsk, tsk.
JT has claimed, through MSN, that Scientology has helped him through life. Unsaid, though, is the claim that Scientology has also helped him into several psychotic breakdowns. Says JT:

"We're all over the world and we go out of our way to help people whether it's
natural disasters or personal help with their lives. And I've always found it an
enormous help and tool for me to survive better."
Yep, sure. I don't know if Scientology is a tool to help you survive better, but I do know that it will turn you into a massive tool. Just ask Tom Cruise. But there's more!

"Right from the start I always had a wherewithal because of their help to never
self-destruct. I could always use the tools to better myself and become more
able and more in communication with people and have more fun."

Okay, so if that's true, why is my brain on the verge of exploding from reading this wordy quote? If this is an example of better communication due to Scientology, holy crap, what kind of state was JT in before the CO$ got their meat hooks into him? And somehow, Scientologist and "fun" just doesn't go together. But let's continue, JT.

When asked about the headline-hitting claims that followers have to stay silent
during childbirth, Travolta said: "It's pretty simple stuff really. All it is,
is when there's a lot pain involved in a birth, and there can be for the baby
and for the wife, often verbiage is recorded in the mind.
Noise is different
than verbiage. Screams if you have to is fine — it's the content or meaning of
the word that could have impingement later on in life.
Even when a person
has an accident or hurts themselves it's just better to be quiet."

I just love it when a man finds it necessary to state how "important" it is for a woman to be silent during childbirth. The next time a man has a fully developed fetus pass through the birth canal, he can voice his own personal opinion about how childbirth should be. Until then, shut up.
And JT, I really like you, I do, but you're telling me that if someone came up to you, and socked you squarely in the nose, you wouldn't say "oh sweet jesus, that hurts!" Please. Everyone I know who has stubbed their toe lets out a yelp and I don't know of anyone who has lost a toe due to a screaming "impingement".

Travolta, who flew himself to London in his own private plane, revealed he
wanted to play James Bond.
"I wanted to do James Bond although this new guy
is awesome. He's fantastic. He's the one I've liked the most since Sean
(Connery)," Travolta said.

Okay, it's official. JT is crazy as hell. Not Tom Cruise-level crazy, but I think the dude has spent one too many days in the sauna. JT as James Bond? Riiiiiiiight. I like JT, but what's his version of Bond going to woo the ladies with? His intense knowledge of Dianetics and wogs and body thetans? The history of disco? Ugh. There are no words.

The Little General Getting Desperate

So it's four months after THE! MOST! AMAZING! AND! ROMANTIC! WEDDING! EVAH! and The Little General is still coercing his business associates into waxing poetic about the billion year contract/bond he made with Show Pony Katie Holmes? Seriously, dude, that ship has long since sailed and sunk.
The current gushing celebrity in question is DJ Ronson and yeah, I'm saying it too. Who in hell is DJ Ronson? After a brief internet search, I found that Mr. Ronson DJ'd at the Holmes/Cruise dedication ceremony, in addition to his day job, which apparently includes producing hits for Lily Allen, Amy Winehouse and Robbie Williams (and you thought I would say "endorsing Tom Cruise"!)
Anyhoo, The Little General's spinmeister is quoted as saying (and I do quote):

"It was actually really mellow. When I got to the castle, they were dancing like
crazy. Tom came up and said, ‘You’re killing it!’ like you would in a hip-hop
club. It was an hour and half of cartwheels across the dancefloor. It had a
good vibe, a sweet, love, wedding vibe to it.”
Uh huh. Because we all know that mellow and Tom Cruise go hand in hand. Kinda like statuesque and Tom Cruise. And I'm sure they were indeed dancing like crazy. And laughing like crazy. And acting like crazy because crazy is as crazy does. And cartwheels across the dancefloor would not surprise me in the least because somehow I always felt that The Little General would host a circus-themed wedding and nothing says true love like men in tights. But I digress.
I have to wonder, whose wedding did DJ Ronson attend? It couldn't have been The Little General's. Even discounting my extreme bias at the levels of fakery associated with every aspect of TomKat, I think the Holmes/Cruise "Wedding" was one of the coldest, unemotional and, yes, depressing weddings I have ever seen. Where were the personal touches? Where was the emotion? Where was the joy? A "Days of Our Lives" wedding feels more real and heartfelt than this mess. Seriously, folks, the Patch and Kayla wedding with Kayla signing her vows because she lost her ability to speak in some freak only-in-soap opera explosion, only to regain the use of her voice during the wedding (what a miracle!) was more believable than Martin Holmes voluntarily and happily walking his brain dead daughter down the aisle to allegedly legally bind herself to the biggest whack job in Hollywood.
The only thing missing, IMO, was the director on the sidelines, calling "Uh, Tom can we do that again, this time with more passion?" I know there are some skeptics out there that think that Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban's union is nothing more than a business contract, which may be true, but their wedding at least looked like a family affair and looked more genuine than the Holmes/Cruise affair. These two have become such PR losers that they can't even pull together a realistic, believable wedding IN ITALY and with all the financial freedom imaginable. Geesh.
But yeah, THE! MOST! AMAZING! AND! ROMANTIC! (FAKE) WEDDING! EVAH! happened 4 months ago. It's time to quit rehashing something that wasn't that AMAZING! and ROMANTIC! to begin with. Maybe The Little General should be paying his "friends" to talk about his desperate attempt to hang on and stay around in the business, I mean, career?