April 11, 2007

American Idol: Getting the J. Lo Love


Last night on American Idol, hell began to freeze over and pigs are dotting the sky everywhere in flight because I actually felt the love for J. Lo! I've never been a fan and actually suffered from Bennifer backlash at the time she and Ben Affleck called off the wedding, broke up and she hooked up with Skeletor. But last night, on the show, she looked (dare I say it?) pretty, she seemed approachable, friendly and nice and I actually think she gave good advice.
So it was Latin Night and Simon was obviously suffering from a severe case of PMS and Paula had an IV hookup of her Kool Aid. I know girlfriend says she's never been drunk a day in her life, but how about all of them? And does stoned count? Does "you were good, just good" even count as legitimate judging?
Melinda got the crappy lead off spot and I think the hairdresser that had the incredibly poor taste to make her hair big, flippy and a total fire hazard should be terminated immediately. Melinda sang "Sway" and while she demonstrated just as much vocal talent as always, it was boooooooring. Shouldn't Latin music be passionate and breathy and sensual? I got the feeling that Melinda was reciting something she memorized. Of course, Randy and Paula gave her the usual tongue bath, but Simon actually told her he didn't like her performance. I'm sure Simon will be spoken to by TPTB at Idol since Melinda is their obvious favorite. Note to Melinda: Again, cut the shocked, surprised and bowled over "they really like me!" look. Miss Diana Ross has told you she liked you; Lulu has told you she liked you; Gwen Stefani told you she liked you; Tony Bennett told you he liked you. Is it really surprising that Jennifer Lopez likes you? You can look shocked and surprised if someone actually tells you they don't like you. Understand?
LaKisha got the second spot and sang "Conga" and, God help me, but I simply cannot see anything but her monster breasts. I know it's breast envy and all, but does she not have any wardrobe money left to buy a good support bra? Halter tops aren't always for big girls, Kiki. Think about it. Hell, my back hurts just typing this and thinking about the extra twenty pounds she's got to be lugging around with those suckers. So LaKisha sang "Conga" and while she did venture outside her comfort zone and was more energetic than she's been, she still didn't just let loose and get all excited. Note to LaKisha: Less is more. Meaning less breast. Please cover up next time. And please look like you're having fun. I see more excitement in my dentist's waiting room.
Chris was the first man up and I know he's the hometown boy and all but . . . he sang "Smooth", which I love. J. Lo suggested he take it up half a notch in rehearsals, which helped. He sounded decent during rehearsals, but when he first came on stage . . . OUCH. He did settle down and give a decent performance, although I think it was still too low for him and for that song, but the judges obviously like Chris and want him to move forward because they all gave him props, even Simon, who must have popped a Midol on the last commercial break. Note to Chris: You are called Timberfake for a reason, and a very legitimate one. Right now, you look like an escapee from Backstreet Boys or 98 Degrees. Please try to branch out. Blake is going to swallow you whole.
Haley was next and, what a surprise, she's in hot pants! Well, it's good to know that even Haley realizes what is keeping her in this competition and not fighting it. So Haley is singing "Turn the Beat Around" and while I thought this would be a good song for her, since there is a lot of music and backup singing going on, I think she had a hard time keeping up. Not terrible, but enough to keep her on? All the judges hated her, even Paula didn't give her snaps for looking so good this time. I guess that ho-red lipstick didn't do it.
Phil sang "Maria Maria" and although he hit a bad note at the end, when his voice cracked, I don't think it was terrible. I think it was a decent song choice and good for his voice. Even J. Lo claimed that Phil gave her goosebumps during the rehearsals. The judges, however, have decided that Phil isn't a contender and so nothing he does is going to get any acclaim from them.
Jordin, happy and smiley as usual, sang "Rhythm is Gonna Get You" and I thought she gave a fun performance. Her vocals were good, although Simon feels she was playing it safe and not growing as a singer. Time for another Midol, Simon. I do agree with Jordin's suggestion that Idol do an 80's night. Cool!
Blake took a big step and decided to sing "I Need to Know" by none other than Skeletor, Mr. J. Lo! And tore up the house. Perfect song choice, perfect vocals, perfect dancing and perfect performance. It was definitely Blake's night, despite his Panama Jack hat and ever-present Grandpa pants. Hot. Very hot.
And who gets the pimp spot but "the embodiment of Latin passion" (per Ryan), Sanjaya, who sang "Besame Mucho". Like Simon said, it wasn't horrible and I actually think Sanjaya has found his genre. It worked for Ricky Martin, it could work for Sanjaya. Just keep singing slowly, sweetly and in Spanish and you're golden. However, please, please, please quit looking at the camera with that odd mixture of camp, lust and longing. It's making me queasy.
Best of the Night: Blake and Ms. Lopez herself, who I found (don't shoot me!) very endearing.
Worst of the Night: Haley
Who Should Go: Haley
Who Will Go: Haley or Phil, who was circling the Death Seal last week

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