June 26, 2007

Nobody Loves Chachi?

Source: Yahoo

Scott Baio is scraping the bottom of the barrel. I cannot believe this is what my girlhood crush (well, besides Bo and Luke from Dukes of Hazzard and Ponch from CHiPs and Shaun Cassidy) has come to.

SB has hooked up with VH1 to bring us what will surely be a stellar piece of reality t.v. entitled 45 . . . and Single. The name alone should make anyone cringe, but for those that are interested (interested in the show or interested in seeing SB's spectacular fall from his former A list status), VH1 cameras will follow SB around as he's instructed by a "life coach" on why he can't commit and he's still single. That one's easy, folks. He has grown up in Hollywood. He's probably doing everyone but divorce lawyers a favor by not marrying because those actors just can't seem to hold marriages together. Anyhow, apparently SB will be forced to confront his former flames as to why their relationships went bust - - all on tape of course!

No word as to whether or not former flames Pamela Anderson and Heather Locklear will agree to be grilled on tape as to why SB was apparently a piss poor boyfriend.

Seriously, Scott. Rethink this one. Do you really want to burst my bubble by having a former girlfriend air your dirty laundry to the world? Isn't there a Lifetime movie you could be doing instead?

June 25, 2007

Angie: What's Love Got to Do With It?

Source: PopSugar
Continuing on her current trend of TMI, Angelina Jolie has informed the world, via Marie Claire magazine, that she has never told Brad Pitt that she loves him. Because I'm sure that nothing kills a relationship faster than saying the "L" word.

The mother of four dishes that "I don't think we've ever said (I love you). I mean, I'm sure we have, but we would have to punch each other in the arm first."

Is Angie 10 or 30? Do you think she and Brad pass each other folded up notes that say "will you go with me?" and "do you like me?". It sure sounds like elementary school over at the Jolie-Pitt ranch. When else did punching someone in the arm mean that you liked them?

I don't know, Brad. I'm thinking that maybe she just isn't all that into you.

June 13, 2007

The Clams Got to JT

Source: Socialite Life

He was so close. I knew it. I could feel it. JT was this close to busting out of that crazy hellhole known as the Church of Scientology. So close maybe that his imminent departure was put on high alert and the CO$ officials had to step up and reign him in.

Case in point: JT's most recent interview with Parade magazine. Never mind that the interview was conducted at 2 a.m. What actually escaped from his mouth is shocking and disturbing. JT claims that in order to stay under the pappie radar, he and his family sleep during the day and stay up all night. Let's have a collective "WTF?", shall we? To quote Mr. Travolta: "My kids probably stay up too late. My wife goes to bed around 3, and I follow around 7. We’re like the Addams family or the Munsters, living sort of an odd nocturnal life. But it works.”

Many, many questions. Obviously his kids are home schooled, a la the Scientology method, that goes without saying. But how does such an arrangement work for your marriage? His wife goes to bed around 3, and he follows 4 hours later? What does he do during those 4 hours? Doesn't exactly mesh with his TMI statements of a month or so ago that he and Kelly were going to start trying for Baby Number Three this summer, does it?

JT also revealed that he's been attending auditing sessions 5 nights a week (boy, JT was really in trouble with the Hubbardites, wasn't he?) and flies his plane from his home to the Clearwater Scientology Center. He also waxes poetic on Scientology, saying "It’s a one-on-one program that’s designed to help you handle your life. I’m proud of my religion.”

Once again, a collective "WTF?" Has JT ever spoken so much warm fuzzies about Scientology? Has he ever spoken this much publicly about Scientology?

Moving on to "Hairspray", and the fact that he was in drag for his part, JT states that “Guys from the crew were hitting on me. I have to make a living. I have to work, but it has to be fun.” I really have no comment for this. Was he trying to be funny? Knowing the gay rumors that have pursued him for years, the "kissing on the plane" picture, the fact that he spent all last summer in a dress, and the CO$ stance on homosexuality and transgenders, I just can't believe this is funny. It's disturbing and well, it can't be true. I like JT and all, but who on earth is going to hit on him in a dress? Are people in Canada that desperate?

And finally, he speaks about his daughter. Ella. The only child that he will really acknowledge. According to him “My daughter is breathtakingly beautiful and very talented. I’d like to introduce her to the world. I will give her as much guidance as I can. Not bad to think I’m like Henry Fonda and she’s Jane Fonda. Let it be the heritage, the family business.”

Whhhhaaaaaatttt?? First, no slams on Henry Fonda. Secondly, just reading this quote, I can almost see the blank, dazed expression that surely must have been on his face while spouting off this surely-Scientology-approved spiel. Whatever happened to the very P.C. comment of hoping your child didn't chose the business, but vowing to support them if they did? This child is 8!

I'll bet the Mini-Messiah is hopping mad - - JT dared to suggest that Ella is breathtakingly beautiful. Much more descriptive than the magnificent Suri.

There is Someone Dumber Than Britney Spears!

Source: Star Magazine
And she's the former squeeze of K. Fed. Real shocker there since we all know that K. Fed attracts those brainy types.

The neurologically challenged Shar Jackson has announced to friends that she's 7 weeks pregnant and, you guessed it, K. Fed is the baby daddy! Besides the fact that Shar would even consider doing the horizontal mambo with K. Fed after he dumped her for The Golden Ticket, you have to wonder why on earth she would leave things to nature. We all know that, unlike the Mini-Messiah, K. Fed probably has the most potent sperm on the face of the earth. Would you really go riding bareback with him? Ewwwwww . . .

A possible conflict for Ms. Jackson looms. She is currently "starring" on ABC's "The Ex-Wives Club" (despite the fact that Ms. Jackson has never walked down the aisle with K. Fed or anyone else) - - a show where the celebrity ex-wives help poor little losers like us move past their exes. I'm thinking that the "no vacancy" sign on Shar's uterus might not be the best advertisement for ABC.

The infamous "source" is quoted as saying that "Shar wants to tell Kevin, but she keeps getting cold feet! She's really scared of what he'll say - if he'll be excited or furious. What if he doesn't want another kid?' After all with her two, and Brit's two, he's got his hands full already! It would be Shar's dream for them to get married and have another baby. She'd love to be living the family life with Kevin."

Okay, so many stupidities here that the mind boggles. First, if you tell a girlfriend who then tells the press, cat's out of the bag. Second, "family life" and "Kevin Federline" do not belong in the same sentence. It's like putting "Tom Cruise" and "tolerant" together, or "Katie Holmes™" and "intelligent". Just don't try it.

What the hell is wrong with Shar Jackson? Having two kids of her own with K. Fed as a daddy isn't bad enough, she's got to go for three?
UPDATE: Shar announced through her spokesho that she is NOT pregnant. I am confounded - - not that she isn't pregnant, but that she has a spokesperson. I guess anyone in L.A. can acquire a spokeho. And she didn't deny having sex with K. Fed. Uh-huh.

June 8, 2007

Britney Spears is all kinds of stupid

Source: wwtdd.com
Of course Promises in Malibu ain't all that far behind the Cheeto Queen either.

Gossips are reporting that Brit's new man is none other than her drug counselor. The man in question, or maybe questionable man?, is real estate developer John Sundahl. He's 38, was recommended to Brit by the morally bankrupt Promises and is obviously desperate for . . . something. I thought real estate developers made boatloads of money? What would a (supposedly) successful businessman want with a woman who has Taco Bell on speed dial? And isn't this some type of conflict? Is it really and truly healthy for someone to boink their drug counselor?

Sources say "At first, they met at his Beverly Hills house to discuss topics such as the twelve-step program - but the conversation allegedly got intimate rather quickly. "Britney and John ended up making out beside the pool - and Britney acted like she didn't care who saw her...She's got no shame." Yeah, no kidding she has no shame - - this woman voluntarily married K. Fed and procreated with him.

I'm guessing that Sundahl is merely biding his time until Lohan gets out of rehab.

The Greatest Picture Ever

Source: TMZ
This ranks up there with O.J.'s mug shot. Finally, finally . . . the County of Los Angeles shows some backbone and serves Sheriff Lee Baca his ass on a silver platter. We can only hope that Sheriff Baca will find himself unemployed at the next election.
Here is little Princess Paris . . . for once, not getting her own way. She got sprung yesterday, much to the dismay of . . . oh, everybody! Bitch claimed, through her spokesho, that she was suffering from some sort of medical problem that prohibited her from being in jail. Really? It's that easy to get out of jail? Crap, I hope Charles Manson doesn't find out.
So Paris was sent home with a lovely ankle bracelet and a basic slap on the wrist and told she would be under house arrest. That's house arrest as in West Hollywood spread, not The Big House.
When original court judge Michael Sauer heard the news, he blew a gasket. He ordered Princess Paris to appear back in court this morning. Word had it that Princess Paris was going to teleconference in her appearance. So sure she'd be allowed to remain home, I suppose. Ha! Sorry, missy, obviously Judge Sauer isn't in bed with Sheriff Baca. He sent a cop car to pick the little princess up and, in handcuffs, the heiress was hauled back into court, where Judge Sauer sent her privileged, infected ass back to the slammer! Go, Judge Sauer! I love you, Judge Sauer!
Early reports are saying that Princess Paris was screaming "Mom! Mom!" as she left the courtroom in tears, allegedly physically escorted by a female deputy. Her rationalizing mother, Kathy, told reporters "I'm paralyzed right now." If she's talking about her brain paralyzed from functioning properly, I'll buy that. She's probably shocked that her gazillion dollars couldn't buy her pampered, spoiled little brat out of prison. Ha!
I love this kind of news. Wonder if the Lynnwood prison will have a big sign that says "Welcome Home, Paris!" Hee!

June 7, 2007

Paris Blows the Pokey

Source: www.wwtdd.com
After a long, grueling solitary confinement stint in jail and "learning from this ordeal" (three days, people), the County of Los Angeles saw fit to unlock the heiress' cell and let the chick fly the coop. But don't celebrate Paris' freedom just yet - - the airheaded heiress is under house arrest for the next 40 days, making dining at Mr. Chow and clubbing around Teddy's an impossibility under after Independence Day. Boo-fucking-hoo, Ms. Hilton.
I call bullshit on your quack quick release. So your doctor said you were depressed about being in jail. No shit! You're incarcerated. Aren't you supposed to be depressed?

Are we supposed to declare a national emergency if Paris Hilton becomes depressed? So why did the County of Los Angeles think Paris' "medical issue" was worthy of "reassigning" her? (Yeah, reassigning. Reassigning her to her West Hollywood mansion. Man, what punishment.) Are they still going to claim that Paris hasn't gotten preferential treatment?

Let's see . . . they let her go through the express lane at processing. They gave her a cell without a cellmate, despite claiming the jail was overcrowded as a reason for letting inmates out early. They allegedly did not give her a body cavity search, despite it being standard procedure. They "reassigned" her because of a "medical condition" (does stupid count as a medical condition?) despite having healthcare facilities in the prison. Seriously . . . are you telling me that Paris is the only incarcerated female with medical or mental issues? Maybe she's "suicidal" because she's a worthless, pointless waste of a human being, and not because she can't handle prison (despite her claim less than a week ago that she was ready to face up to her responsibilities).

I think she'll commit a vehicular infraction within three hours of "being free" and violate her probation or commit another DUI by Labor Day. God bless America.