Paris Blows the Pokey

Source: www.wwtdd.com
After a long, grueling solitary confinement stint in jail and "learning from this ordeal" (three days, people), the County of Los Angeles saw fit to unlock the heiress' cell and let the chick fly the coop. But don't celebrate Paris' freedom just yet - - the airheaded heiress is under house arrest for the next 40 days, making dining at Mr. Chow and clubbing around Teddy's an impossibility under after Independence Day. Boo-fucking-hoo, Ms. Hilton.

I call bullshit on your quack quick release. So your doctor said you were depressed about being in jail. No shit! You're incarcerated. Aren't you supposed to be depressed?

Are we supposed to declare a national emergency if Paris Hilton becomes depressed? So why did the County of Los Angeles think Paris' "medical issue" was worthy of "reassigning" her? (Yeah, reassigning. Reassigning her to her West Hollywood mansion. Man, what punishment.) Are they still going to claim that Paris hasn't gotten preferential treatment?

Let's see . . . they let her go through the express lane at processing. They gave her a cell without a cellmate, despite claiming the jail was overcrowded as a reason for letting inmates out early. They allegedly did not give her a body cavity search, despite it being standard procedure. They "reassigned" her because of a "medical condition" (does stupid count as a medical condition?) despite having healthcare facilities in the prison. Seriously . . . are you telling me that Paris is the only incarcerated female with medical or mental issues? Maybe she's "suicidal" because she's a worthless, pointless waste of a human being, and not because she can't handle prison (despite her claim less than a week ago that she was ready to face up to her responsibilities).

I think she'll commit a vehicular infraction within three hours of "being free" and violate her probation or commit another DUI by Labor Day. God bless America.