July 26, 2007

Ban Michael Vick

Source: Yahoo Sports

As a lifelong devoted animal lover who has had the great honor (to quote that bastion of intelligence, Mrs. Cruise) of being the mommy of three of the greatest, sweetest cats on this earth, an adorable bunny and a friendly, happy dog whose only crime is overshedding, the news of Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick's involvement with dogfighting sickened me. Despite being a Falcons fan (hometown team) and acknowledging that Vick is a talented quarterback (when he's not injured), he should have to suffer the consequences of his hideous actions - - and not be any type of role model for children who look up to and admire sports figures. Please click on the below links to sign a petition to request that the NFL suspend Vick without pay while NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell investigates whether Vick violated the NFL's personal conduct policy; and a petition requesting Nike cancel all endorsement deals with Vick. The NFL, Nike and Vick need to realize that these allegations are serious and animal should never be tolerated, at any time or by anyone.
Source: Associated Press

Source: PETA

July 25, 2007

Scott Baio Is 45 . . . and a Fuckwit

See, playing reruns does actually benefit some t.v. stations. I caught the first episodes of Chachi's new show . . . and obviously Scott Baio is, and always has been, a huge tool. The one hour premiere show hands us the premise that Chachi has commitment issues and he wants to hire a life coach to figure out why he hasn't married, had kids and is still single.

I know I don't have a doctorate or anything, but after watching the first couple of shows, I think I can answer that question.

Scott, you're still single (and should probably remain so) because you're a shallow, self-centered, self-loathing mental twit who doesn't like, much less respect, women. What man can tape pictures of the eight different women he's dating at the time (and none of whom know about the seven others) on a Wheel of Fortune-like wheel and give it a spin to see who the "lucky lady" will be that night?

Maybe hiring a life coach would work wonders, if Chachi was really sincere about his reasons for doing so. And television ratings really don't count (sorry, buddy). Apologizing to your former girlfriends for being an emotional dipshit - - does it really matter when you're doing it on instruction from your doctor, and you admit that it never bothered you to lie and cheat, and you still don't think you did anything wrong?

And his actual resentment of his fans - - absolutely, numbingly unbelievable. We're not talking about George Clooney or Brad Pitt here, not that it would be acceptable from either of those gentlemen. We're talking about someone who hasn't had a bona fide commercial success since Charles in Charge, back in the 90s. Even Tom Cruise, whom I love to snark about on occasion, would never treat his fans with disdain and general repulsion that Chachi seems to save up for.

Example: While having lunch with former co-star Erin Moran (Joanie) - - who I actually admire for being a straight shooter who isn't going to put up with Chachi's bullshit - - Chachi complains about how much he hates autograph signings. Now the cynical part of me is thinking He has, what? Maybe a couple of autograph signings every decade? Can it be that bad? Erin wants Chachi to accompany her to a signing in a few days, because Chachi, that humanitarian, has admitted to her that he doesn't like people (although apparently he has no issue with taking our money via promotional items, ticket sales,etc., repulsive and annoying as we are). So he breaks down and goes, but only after he wrangles a promise from his "wingman" (i.e., enabler) Johnny to rescue him from the torture after 20 minutes, and no more. Chachi's body language at this signing is pathetic. He looks as though he's suffering from an impacted wisdom tooth, or perhaps a hernia, while Erin looks relaxed and pleased to have fans. When an adoring female fan asks Chachi if she can have a kiss, he states "I'm sorry, I can't do that, honey, I don't know where you've been." Hello? Pot meet kettle. This is the man who claimed to have been unfaithful to every woman he's ever dated - - probably one of the few places his mouth hasn't been is near this fan's. He did hug her, and I do understand not wanting to kiss every fan, or people you don't know - - but the comment was stinging and very unnecessary.

Despite the fact that this show is highly scripted and Chachi and his posse seem like overgrown, under schooled frat boys let loose in the Playboy Mansion, I will probably keep watching. I doubt that he will learn why he is still single, nor do I think he really cares. Do I think this will resuscitate his DOA career? Probably not. Make him water cooler convo? Absolutely. Earn him the label as the Biggest Fuckwit in Hollywood? Most definitely.

Getting Your Xenu Groove On

Source: DListed
This is how Scientologists get down and party, wog-people. Tom, looking like a sweaty mess, tries to gyrate his nether-regions against Katie's back, while she does the funky chicken and almost pops out of her top. The people in the background look so thrilled, no?

July 18, 2007

Celebrities are crazier than hell

Source: DListed

Yep, celebrities are crazy. Why else does preggo Hollywood act like competitive, bitchy junior high schoolers? Yeah, you named your kid Pilot Inspektor? Well, I can top that! How about Audioscience? Really? Well I’m naming my kid Apple. And Moses. Old school. We’re going with Moxie Crimefighter.
Okay, okay, it’s not like these celebs meet and try to one up each other with their weird, bizarre, schoolyard-ass-kicking names, but I could totally buy it.
The latest in the chain - - and D-list celebrities at best - - Katie Price and Peter Andre. Katie is better known in the U.K. as Jordan and apparently she’s some model or former model across the pond, who has written a smutty book or two (a la Jackie Collins) and has massive implants that she likes to show off. Katie and Peter welcomed a baby girl into this world last month, and despite pimping her pregnancy in a brief reality show, have withheld her name from the public. Early whisperings had Crystal as the front running name, but the popular consensus now is that Andres have burdened their child with the name Bunny. That’s right - -Bunny. As in Bugs. (Could we really have expected anything less cutesy from a couple that color coordinates their outfits? And had a Ken and Barbie themed wedding?)
Don’t hate me, but I don’t dislike this name as much as Apple or Audioscience. It's actually cute - - in a cute-I-would-never-name-my-kid-that kind of way. Poor kid is probably predestined for a career as a stripper or a porn star.

UPDATE: Peter and Katie did not go with the overly cute Bunny. They have instead chosen to name their unsuspecting daughter Princess Tiiamii. Words (nearly) fail me. There is just no excuse for this blatant form of child abuse.

Source: DListed

Warning: Not for Small Children

Botox: A cautionary tale. 'Nuff said.

That didn't take long

Source: DListed

Seriously, LiLo has the willpower of Tom Cruise at an all-night showing of The Wizard of Oz attended by high school wrestlers. Mere days after completing a 45 day stint in rehab (not counting the days when she left the facility to go to the gym, go shopping, and other vital necessities), the drug and dick addicted Lohan is stirring up more controversies. According to Page Six, which hard-partying starlet has figured out a way to get high while wearing an alcohol-monitoring anklet? She was asking where she could score some Ecstasy at a Vegas club the other night.

Gee . . . who could that be? In case you are truly stumped about this, please see the attached picture - - Lohan in Vegas with her oh-so-stylish alcohol-monitoring anklet.
Source: DListed

The girl can't even last a week before scoring? If I was any type of rehabilitation facility I would make damn sure I wouldn't accept Lohan as a patient. What kind of advertising is that?

On a related note, wags are saying that Lohan was spotted at the nightclub Pure in Vegas, holding hands with magician Criss Angel, before leaving at 5 a.m. to retire to Lohan's suite. Angel is supposed to be a magician, so why is he banging celebrities the like of Cameron Diaz and Lohan? Can't he turn them into Angelina Jolie or something? And is there any male, besides the light in the loafers Cruise and Travolta team, that Lohan hasn't knocked boots with?
Source: LohanOnline.com

Is the Yorkie Hollywood's New Status Symbol?

Source: PopSugar

First, we hear that Britney makes the impulsive (and surely for the Yorkie) unwise purchase of the little terrier pup. Then we are "treated" to pictures of Paris on the beach, with her new (and obviously braindead) boy toy, holding a Yorkie pup. Now we have Tara Reid holding a Yorkie pup on the beach.

What's the deal? Are chihuahuas passé? I guess we should all be thankful that Britney did not choose to pop out another baby Federline, and that Paris and Tara have not yet procreated. But where is PETA? Where is the SPCA? Even the Yorkie Rescue? Shouldn't this put the Yorkie on the endangered species list?

Totally OT, but WTF is going on with Tara's stomach? I thought she was getting that mess fixed? How does something like that happen in the plastic surgery capital of the world? Doesn't L.A. have more silicone and plastic per capita than any other metropolis? Did Tara enter a plastic surgery giveaway from Jenna Jameson? Jeebus.

July 17, 2007

Well, duh!

Source: DListed

There hasn't been much Paris news recently (thank God!) so leave it up to LiLo to keep the trashy news flowing.

Recently released from a 45 day rehab program at Promises, LiLo not only spent her weekend at Vegas nightclubs (because, you know, that's the first place you want to go to heal and reflect after rehab), she is allegedly worried that nude snaps taken by her ex-f-buddy, Calum Best, are about to surface. Impossible, you say? Gosh, how on earth would private photos like those, taken by a cocaine and prostitute addicted jackass ever see the light of day?

LiLo's exhausted rep, Leslie Sloane Zelnick, told Page Six "Anything is possible. I know nothing about it, but her lawyers have been contacted.” For you neophytes out there, this translates to "We are in the process of paying off the guy now to get the pictures back."

Is this truly surprising? Is there anyone here who hasn't seen LiLo's vajayjay? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

So unless LiLo is hosting a tea party in the nude with Tom Cruise, on his spaceship, and Tom is feasting on baby placenta, I don't think this is big news.
No word yet from Dina Lohan, also known as Mother of the Year, confirming that nude pictures are perfectly normal for a girl LiLo's age.

The Cat's Out of the Bag

Source: Celebrity Baby Blog
And VH-1 has got to be pissed.

If you've been keeping up with your Scott Baio news (and why wouldn't you?), you know that Mr. Baio made the questionable decision to take his celeb to a new level with a reality show on VH-1. Scott Baio is 45 . . . and Single. A surefire hit, right?

Well, the gossips' tongues are wagging (at least those that still harbor a secret crush on Chachi) that Scott and his Playboy Playmate Renee Sloan are expecting a baby. Spoiler much?

According to E!, "everything is hush-hush right now, as VH-1 execs don't want the show's premise blown before its time." Yes, because I'm sure we're all waiting on pins and needles to find out exactly why Scott Baio is 45 and single.

Word on the street is that the expected baby is a girl and she will be named Bonnie. Bonnie Baio? Obviously those counseling sessions taped by VH-1 didn't help Scott and Renee with name choices.

Lucrative Payday

Source: PopSugar

After ten (I suspect) highly tumultuous on and off years together, and three children, but no bands of gold, Sean Combs and Kim Porter split. No news to anyone, but you would think Combs would rethink that decision, given that he's currently paying baby mama Misa Hylton-Brim $30k a month in child support. For one child. This blows my mind. Does Sean Combs make that kind of money? When's the last time anyone saw him work? Does partying count as work?

But I digress . . . celeb divorce lawyer Raoul Felder gabbed to Page Six that the fertile and patient Ms. Porter should be able to collect a hefty $100k per month in child support. (Cha-ching!) And the icing on top of the very expensive cake for Ms. Porter? No pre or post-nuptial agreement!

First thing first, Mr. Combs. Get yourself an attorney and follow his/her advice. Make pre-nup a part of your daily vocab. Second, if you're not going to give the twins a snip, wrap it up!!


Source: DListed
Crap, does Tom Brady have some pissy luck or what? He splits from Bridget Moynahan after something like 3 years of dating, to take up with Victoria's Secret model (and Leo Di Caprio ex) Gisele Bundchen. Only to have Bridget drop the bomb of all bombs on him - - we're gonna have a baby!

As if that cannot be a sticky enough sitch to be in, apparently Bridget's due date is Friday, July 20. Or Gisele's birthday! Ha ha ha! Boy, the gods sure are crazy, aren't they?

Which is worse? For Tom to celebrate his only child's birthday on the same day as his girlfriend? For his girlfriend to be constantly reminded of her boyfriend's lovechild with his ex on her big day? For Bridget to be constantly reminded of the Victoria's Secret model her ex is with on her child's birthday?

Heck, probably not even an issue. Celebrity the way it is, Tom and Gisele will break up, Tom and Bridget will reunite, only to break up again, when Tom finds a new ho.
Source: PopSugar