July 25, 2007

Scott Baio Is 45 . . . and a Fuckwit


See, playing reruns does actually benefit some t.v. stations. I caught the first episodes of Chachi's new show . . . and obviously Scott Baio is, and always has been, a huge tool. The one hour premiere show hands us the premise that Chachi has commitment issues and he wants to hire a life coach to figure out why he hasn't married, had kids and is still single.

I know I don't have a doctorate or anything, but after watching the first couple of shows, I think I can answer that question.

Scott, you're still single (and should probably remain so) because you're a shallow, self-centered, self-loathing mental twit who doesn't like, much less respect, women. What man can tape pictures of the eight different women he's dating at the time (and none of whom know about the seven others) on a Wheel of Fortune-like wheel and give it a spin to see who the "lucky lady" will be that night?

Maybe hiring a life coach would work wonders, if Chachi was really sincere about his reasons for doing so. And television ratings really don't count (sorry, buddy). Apologizing to your former girlfriends for being an emotional dipshit - - does it really matter when you're doing it on instruction from your doctor, and you admit that it never bothered you to lie and cheat, and you still don't think you did anything wrong?

And his actual resentment of his fans - - absolutely, numbingly unbelievable. We're not talking about George Clooney or Brad Pitt here, not that it would be acceptable from either of those gentlemen. We're talking about someone who hasn't had a bona fide commercial success since Charles in Charge, back in the 90s. Even Tom Cruise, whom I love to snark about on occasion, would never treat his fans with disdain and general repulsion that Chachi seems to save up for.

Example: While having lunch with former co-star Erin Moran (Joanie) - - who I actually admire for being a straight shooter who isn't going to put up with Chachi's bullshit - - Chachi complains about how much he hates autograph signings. Now the cynical part of me is thinking He has, what? Maybe a couple of autograph signings every decade? Can it be that bad? Erin wants Chachi to accompany her to a signing in a few days, because Chachi, that humanitarian, has admitted to her that he doesn't like people (although apparently he has no issue with taking our money via promotional items, ticket sales,etc., repulsive and annoying as we are). So he breaks down and goes, but only after he wrangles a promise from his "wingman" (i.e., enabler) Johnny to rescue him from the torture after 20 minutes, and no more. Chachi's body language at this signing is pathetic. He looks as though he's suffering from an impacted wisdom tooth, or perhaps a hernia, while Erin looks relaxed and pleased to have fans. When an adoring female fan asks Chachi if she can have a kiss, he states "I'm sorry, I can't do that, honey, I don't know where you've been." Hello? Pot meet kettle. This is the man who claimed to have been unfaithful to every woman he's ever dated - - probably one of the few places his mouth hasn't been is near this fan's. He did hug her, and I do understand not wanting to kiss every fan, or people you don't know - - but the comment was stinging and very unnecessary.

Despite the fact that this show is highly scripted and Chachi and his posse seem like overgrown, under schooled frat boys let loose in the Playboy Mansion, I will probably keep watching. I doubt that he will learn why he is still single, nor do I think he really cares. Do I think this will resuscitate his DOA career? Probably not. Make him water cooler convo? Absolutely. Earn him the label as the Biggest Fuckwit in Hollywood? Most definitely.

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