August 25, 2007

All is Good with Dina

Source: WWTDD; Image: PopSugar

Now that her eldest child has been sentenced to a whopping one day in jail (that'll teach Lohan her lesson, for sure), Dina "Sore on the Ass of Society" Lohan, quite naturally, had to rush off to the press to give a statement. The media-savvy mother of the year claims that "my children and I are in a wonderful place in our lives and people just want to make things up and see us fail!" Okay, knock your eyes from the back of your head where they rolled and realize this is a statement from the woman who thinks she's the white Oprah. Yes, her daughter is in rehab for the third time in under nine months, is going to jail (even just for a day) and is basically a huge effing mess, and Einstein here thinks everything is "wonderful". No wonder Lohan is such a fuck up. But wait, there's more!
SOTAS also claims that she is scared to death over Lohan's frightening jail sentence. "It's really sad. Something bad is going to happen, I'm afraid." Yes, it's really sad. It's really sad that your daughter just turned 21 and her life is in shambles. It's sad that no one in her family gives a rat's ass about her unless she's not earning money. It's sad that your daughter's vajayjay has a permanent "Vacancy - Open - Tenant Wanted" sign on it. It's sad that I, among many others, have actually seen your daughter's vajayjay on the internet.
And something bad is going to happen. But probably not in cushy, celebrity prison, where the inmates are given private cells that they must serve their time in for roughly 35 minutes. Most likely in one of the many nightclubs that Lohan frequents, with her mother's blessing and endorsement. How long before we get a statement from SOTAS blaming the media and press for her daughter's overdose?

No comments: