August 28, 2007

Missing Cruise Children Explained

Source and Image: Celebitchy
It's now nearly the end of summer and we have yet to have a cozy, crazy Cruise family photoshoot with all the Cruise children, not just the new face of Scientology, Suri. Despite His Tinyness' dependence upon Bella and Connor (the other children) for the past two years as a means of selling his relationsham with The Dead Eyed Scienobot Formerly Known as Katie Holmes, and his shameless whoring of their sporting events as PR free-for-alls, the elder Cruise-lings have been strangely absent these last few months.

According to Star magazine, it's because Bella and Connor have been shipped off to Scientology Summer Camp. Fun, fun! I can just see it now - - arts and crafts that consist of making e-meters from old soup cans and printing of Scientology pamphlets by hand; group readings of Hubbard's Dianetics; cleaning and scrubbing the cabins all day, for no pay; therapy sessions where those awful body thetans are banished; and to top off the day, gathering around a group campfire and sipping those tasty niacin shakes. Yum! Definitely a warm and fuzzy summer memory that Bella and Connor can share with their children one day . . . or at least in a tell-all memoir that I hope and pray with every ounce of my being that at least one of them will write.

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