October 18, 2007

The Cruise PR Machine Working on the Holmeses

According to the British mag Star (who is obviously getting some under the table dough from the Mini Messiah), the Zombie Bride is taking steps to repair her relationship with surely-estranged papa Martin. By inviting him to visit her in Germany. Because, you know, inviting him to L.A., or taking time out of your oh-so-busy shopping and preening and posing schedule to fly home to Toledo, is so taxing.

Papa Martin visited Berlin earlier this month, probably seeing Suri the Miracle Baby in person for the first time and, in all likelihood, avoiding the Valkyrie/Rubicon/or whatever-the-movie-is-called-this-month set like the plague, should he set eyes on his diminutive son-in-law and immediately turn to stone. Star also claims that Mama Kathy accompanied Papa Martin, along with the Zombie Bride's brother, Martin Jr., although no photos of Martin Jr. (who also, significantly, did not attend her overly Scieno faux wedding ceremony last year) were taken during this supposed family reunion.

Papa Martin allegedly came home raving about how happy Zombie Bride is (because everyone knows that sallow skin and sunken eyes are the trademark of true inner happiness), and how he couldn't have been happier to spend time with the shell of a person who used to be his daughter and her monkey-on-crack hubby. Riiiiiiight. I doubt they spent any time together, as the Holmes family are SPs (suppressive persons), and if they did, doubtless it was first occasion they have ever spent time together and will undoubtedly be the last.

Papa Martin also claimed that Suri is much prettier (amazing?) in person than she appears in pictures. This I believe. Not because Suri is such a looker. But because Papa Martin has probably never seen Suri personally before.

Sad, sad.

Again, people. Five year contract. Extra money for Zombie Bride for each Scieno-tot she pops out. Since her career appears to be in the crapper, look for a pregnancy announcement any day.

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