October 24, 2007

Thousands of Dollars of Therapy Are in His Future

Stupid celebrity alert! For the God only knows how many thousandth time, a celebrity finds it impossible to name their poor, beleaguered child a normal, acceptable name.
This time the offender is actress Gretchen Mol who, being C list or maybe a hazy B at best, should fall outside the "crazy celebrity baby name" rule. She and her husband, director Tod Williams, welcomed a bouncing, and sure to be pissed later on, baby boy that they burdened with the name Ptolemy John. Why, Gretchen, why? Did you lose a bet? Did you have to sacrifice your first born to the demons of grade school playground bullies? Because we all know that any kid named Ptolemy is sure to get his ass beat on the first day of school, and every day hereafter, unless he turns into a snotty-nosed playground bully himself.
I'm starting to think there should be an IQ requirement for celebrities that want to have kids. That should take care of at least half of them. And for the remaining half, they should be forced to submit to a harsh interview, along with a questionnaire. Something along the lines of
"Which name do you give your child?
(a) Apple
(b) Audioslave
(c) Pilot
(d) Zoltan
(e) Pirate
(f) Are they taken? I love them all!"
Anyone answering that question, period, is immediately denied parenthood. Problem solved.
Photo Source: DListed

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