November 30, 2007


Here's Little Lord Tommy Boy with his geisha girl at the Bambi Awards in Germany. Tommy Boy actually picked up a golden statute (but not that statute) for an award in courage. Courage to wear man heels? Courage to let your crazy fly free? Nah, courage for his upcoming movie "Valkyrie" or "Rubicon" or whatever it'll be called by the time it comes up for air next year. Personally I think the filmmakers should have gotten the award for being courageous enough to work with the Mad Midget. After all, what would Tommy Boy have done - - started work on The Hardy Men sooner?

More importantly, WTF is going on with Katie? Is she wig shopping with Travolta? Did a MAC factory explode on her face? And what Christmas tree did she steal that garland from to make a bolero jacket?

Wait a minute . . . is it even Katie? Maybe Tommy Boy had Madame Toussand's make a very, very (un)lifelike likeness.
Photo Source: DListed

November 16, 2007

Elder Abuse

Photo Source: Free Katie

I can't tell if Kirk Douglas is horrified by the fact that John Travolta let his gay-gay out for some air at the Santa Barbara Film Festival or if he's worried that the thing on top of JT's head is going to attack him and eat him.

Where are the state police when you need them? Where's the FBI? Where's Arnold? Surely this is some kind of abuse - - Kirk Douglas is 91 years old, doesn't he deserve some dignity? After all, he was just an innocent bystander who got a drive-by bussing when JT won a lifetime achievement award.

Where is David Miscavaige? This has got to be against the alien rules over at the Celebrity Center.

November 14, 2007

Reese and Jakey G. Take Their Fauxmance on the Road

Reese and Jakey G. supposedly took their hot lovelife on the road, together, to northern California for a weekend stay at a plush resort (naturally), where they "canoodled" (naturally) and Reese "looked like she was in heaven" (naturally).

Does anyone really believe that Reese and Jakey are dating? I mean besides those 15 or so people who believe that Little Lord Tommy Boy and Katiebot are really married, they really have an amaaaaaazing love and they really had Suri the old fashioned way. No? Me neither. I'm not saying they're not great shoe shopping buddies but I'm not feeling the sparks, you know?

Is their movie coming out soon on DVD or something?
Image Source: PopSugar

The Bitch from Grey's Anatomy Gets Married

Photo Source: Crazy Days and Nights
Hmm, is that a bit too harsh? Well, Ellen Pompeo rubs me the wrong way and I think "bitch" is totally fitting.

Anyone see her on Punk'd? I watched a few episodes last year when Mr. Psychoticstate was TiVo-ing them and I happened to "luck" out and catch the episode with Ellen "I'm So Entitled" Pomp-ousAss-eo. Here is the set up. Her then-boyfriend Chris Ivery was going to take her out to lunch at one of those indoor/outdoor cafés that are so popular in Beverly Hills. Their server, who is an actor, was going to go overboard hitting on Mr. Ivery and Mr. Ivery was going to leave her a rude (as in huge) tip. Seems like it could work - - after all, no one was getting hurt and it wasn't like anyone was pretending to be from the IRS, claiming back taxes. So Chris and Bitch go to the café and the actor pretending to be a server who is probably really a server when she's not acting comes out, describes the daily specials and takes their order, all the while staring at Chris. The duo ordered an appetizer, which Bitch did not like - -she informs the server that she doesn't like it and once the server takes it away, she starts picking apart the server's appearance to her boyfriend. Then she gets angry that the server is showing her boyfriend attention and states that she's going to stab her with a fork. Nice, isn't she? The cherry on top of the cake is when Mr. Ivery gets the bill and leaves a $200 tip. Bitch blows her carefully coiffed stack and demands that Mr. Ivery tell the girl the tip was a mistake (after the girl came out to thank him and gushed over how she would be able to take a trip home to see her family now) and he meant to put $20, rather than $200.

Ellen Pomp-ousAss-eo does not seem like a nice person.

Anyhow, bitch got married in New York, at City Hall, on Friday. Do people still get married at City Hall? I thought that went out of fashion when World War II ended.

Best of luck to Mr. Ivery. He's going to need it. Can Ellen Pomp-ousAss-eo be that loaded?

Sympathies to Kanye West

Photo Source: DListed

Losing a loved one isn't funny, and especially when that loved one is only 58 and died during a cosmetic surgery procedure.

Kanye West's mother, Donda, died last Saturday, following an 8 hour (!!) surgery for "routine" liposuction and breast enhancement. I say "routine" because is it really normal to vacuum fat out of our bodies? And endure surgery for non-necessary things? I was watching Access Hollywood or one of those shows last night and they had a segment on Dr. West's death and spoke to several celebrities who had admitted going under the knife themselves. I was floored at the females who say they regretted doing it and/or had complications. Where have these celebs been? Why didn't they speak out immediately after their surgeries? Does it really take someone's death before people will come forward and talk about the potential dangers?

Regardless, Dr. West's death should be a real wake-up call that no matter how much money you have, or what type of surgeon you engage, complications can arise.

The West family has requested that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to the Kanye West Foundation, a nonprofit organization which aims to improve literacy and reduce school dropout rates in the U.S.

Click here for the Kanye West Foundation:

November 13, 2007

Celebrities Are Weak

Why is it that several times a year we are "treated" with news of a celebrity's admittance into a hospital for exhaustion? Are you kidding me? Exhaustion from what? Is it soooooo difficult to sit on a movie set, or more particularly, in a customized, cushy trailer waiting to be called on set, all the while having perks like foods, beverages and massive bank accounts?

Why don't these spoiled twits try working Monday thru Friday, all year, not just the few weeks or months they are shooting a movie, and working for average, everyday salaries and not millions of dollars? Why don't they try working full-time, in addition to take care of their own children - - no nannies - - and doing their own cooking and cleaning - - no housekeepers and no cooks. Why don't they try staggering their bills so they can afford to eat when their mortgage is due? Holy crap, I'm getting exhausted just thinking about it.

Source: PopSugar

So here's Kate Beckinsale, the latest celebrity with a weak constitution who was hospitalized in Memphis, Tennessee over the weekend after complaining of numbness in her left arm and leg. Diagnosis: exhaustion. But, of course.

Santa Kicks Xenu's Ass!

You just know Xenu isn't going to be happy about this.
Little Lord Tommy Boy's play for an Oscar, Lions for Lambs, opened this weekend not only to dismal reviews but to empty theaters. The political talkie garnered around $7 million its opening weekend, a disappointing figure, especially when you consider that Fred Claus managed to pull in over $18 million. That's right, Vince Vaughn in a Santa suit was more appealing to the average moviegoer than a preachy, political Tommy Boy. Hard to fathom, I know.
And don't expect Lions for Lambs to pick up either. Bee Movie is still out, and doing a killing - - and with the kids out of school next week, it will probably plump up its coffers. American Gangster also opened on Friday, and to excellent reviews. Plus, Gangster has the non-controversial, non-hyperactive and non-Scientologist Denzel Washington as its star. Any doubts? Look at the bottom line. Gangster cleaned up, to the tune of $80 mil.
Take that and put it in your niacin shake, Tommy.
There is some good news for the smallest Cruise, save Suri. Tommy Boy's performance is generally getting good reviews, from the people that went to see Lions. His scenes with Meryl Streep are reportedly strong. So will Tommy get his wish for a belated Christmas gift and get an Oscar nomination? Perhaps. He's gotten the nod before. Will he reign successful and leave with the little man (Oscar, that is)? Highly doubtful.

Image Source:

November 12, 2007

I Want Proof, Part 2

Photo Source: People

As we near the anniversary of THE MOST ROMANTIC AND AMAZING WEDDING EVAH, I am forced to think back of this year of alleged wedded bliss for Little Lord Tommy Boy and his robot bride. It was nearly a year ago that Italy was subjected to the stench of the Cruise PR machine, that an untouched and un-Photoshopped (and unattractive) Suri was unveiled to the public and Tommy Boy and Katie pulled off the most anticlimactic and impersonal wedding I can recall seeing outside of Days of Our Lives.
Despite assertions from Tommy Boy's spokesho that his master and Katie slipped away to be married civilly in Los Angeles, prior to hopping off to Italy where they were shamarried in a legally unrecognized Scientology ceremony, I'm not buying it. Not just because we're talking about Tommy Boy and were this a Disney movie, his nose would be growing longer by the minute, but because this is a couple who claimed to withhold Suri from the public because of the intense media pressure, harassment and scrutiny. Do we really think they could slip away, unnoticed, to be married in some random courtroom in Los Angeles? It's not like their wedding was a surprise; the Cruise Camp announced the date and plans weeks in advance. So despite the fact the couple could not go to medical appointments during Katie's fifteen month pregnancy with Suri and thus necessitated the purchase of a sonogram for at-home use, they managed to slip away and say "I do" without anyone the wiser? Nope, sorry.

I demand proof. I want a certified copy of a marriage certificate saying they are legally husband and wife. Until I see that certificate, I won't believe it. After all, if they aren't legally married, that will make their "divorce" that much easier to arrange when the time for the split comes. Otherwise known as the termination of the contract.

Because let's be honest. Do more than 15 or so people think these two idiots really fell in love with each other, that the previously biologically childless and rumored sterile Tommy Boy impregnated Holmes within a matter of weeks or months (depending on when you believe Suri's birthdate is), that Suri was PR-savvy enough to be born on the exact one year anniversary of their first date and that these two are anything but acting like a couple for PR reasons? (And not doing a very good job of it, I might add).

Come on, Camp Cruise. I know you can leak a copy of that marriage certificate, if it exists. If Tommy Boy can use his MEST powers to overcome dyslexia, cure heroin or become a tree or whatever else those crazy Scienos think they can do, surely coughing up a marriage certificate is a piece of (cup)cake.

Returning from the phoneymoon - don't they look happy?
Photo Source: JustJared

Andrew Morton Threatened

As the time draws nearer for publication of the Tommy Boy exposè, it's only expected that death threats would be leveled at journalist Andrew Morton, the man behind the book.

Morton told the Sunday Express "I have received threats from the Scientologists and things have become pretty heavy - to the extent that it's almost more than my lawyers can handle. I've sold my flat and I'm not telling anyone where I'm moving to. I intend to disappear for a while." Supposedly the reason for the renewed threats is that Andrew Morton's forthcoming book questions Little Lord Tommy Boy's relationship with Katie Holmes, his controversial beliefs and his sexuality. According to In Touch, Holmes is "petrified" about the revelations in the biography, which is expected to hit shelves next year.

This leads me to believe that the book will indeed be published in January, as we last heard. If anyone is keeping count, this book was allegedly due to be published last summer - - that's right, the summer of 2006. Unaccounted delays caused the book's publication to be pushed back and pushed back - - kinda like the TomKat wedding, wouldn't you say? But like the TomKat wedding, eventually D-Day will arrive.

Support Andrew Morton. Buy the book in January. Send a message to the Clams that the more they harass someone, the more the wog nation will support that person. After all, this is a man who went up against the British monarchy, for God's sake, and didn't get this type of harassment. Surely Little Lord Tommy Boy isn't more intimidating than the Queen of England?

Speaking of the Clams, how dumb are they, really? Don't they know how reverse psychology works? If they really don't want anyone reading Morton's book, the best course of action would be to ignore it. Not threaten and intimidate the writer, which gives credence to the book, whether it's truthful or not. Duh. Idiots.

Photo Source:

November 9, 2007

I Want Proof

And I'm talking about authenticated video and sworn statements from race officials.

With Little Lord Tommy Boy's "please love me again" movie Lions for Lambs coming out today, the Cruise Camp's PR has been into overdrive. Nicely (some may say, coincidentally) coinciding with the film's New York premiere last weekend, the Holmesbot allegedly ran in the New York Marathon. I say allegedly because, as with everything else about the Cruis-azies, her participation in the Marathon is shrouded in controversy and questions.

Allegedly, Tommy Boy's beard registered for the race under an alias, in order to avoid publicity. Despite the fact that these two have been whoring out the story all week. But we all know that "hypocrite" is a Cruise trait. I wonder how the Holmesbot managed to do this. Don't you need identification? Do they let just anyone in? And what about the stories I hear of people on wait lists for years, waiting to run in the Marathon? And the fashion-challenged Mrs. Cruise in name only can just jump right in?

Supposedly no one knew that the most famous robot in the world was running in the race until towards the end, when Little Lord Tommy Boy had to jump out and kiss his puppet. Which happened oh-so-fortunately in front of a race official, who made it a top priority to run off and have Runner F127's name changed from the supposed alias of Katie Smith (what an original bunch) to Katie Stockholmes.

Do they really expect us to buy this? Aren't the race officials busy with other things, besides changing people's names? Do they really care?

But that's not all. Because Holmesbot was out in public and surrounded by all kinds of wogs and thetans, and Tommy Boy wouldn't want her to make a break for it, she had to "run" with her minder. Now, each runner is giving a chip so that at certain checkpoints, their time is registered. This, I imagine, is to prevent people from popping up at the end of the race and declaring themselves a winner. When checking the Holmesbot's time, at NINE different checkpoints, she and her minder had the EXACT same time. How is that possible, unless the minder carried the Holmesbot through these checkpoints?

And more controversy still. How can the Holmesbot look like the below picture on random outings with our favorite leprechaun, and yet look as she did after supposedly completing a 26.2 mile run? Without benefit of a sports bra?

I'm calling a hoax on this entire thing and I challenge the New York Times to investigate this. I bet you this was nothing more than a ridiculous publicity stunt to draw attention to the Queen of Scientology, just in time for his new movie.

Nick Hogan Off to Jail?

We can only hope.

The State of Florida has apparently decided that Nick Hogan is a marginal celebrity at best and therefore, the celebrity justice exception rule does not apply to him. Small miracle. Florida issued a warrant for the 17 year old's arrest for Reckless Driving Involving Serious Bodily Injury for the car accident that Hogan caused last August, resulting in his passenger's brain injury and permanent life support status. I think they could also issue a warrant for Nick for being a tool. They might have better chances of conviction on that count.

Nick, probably doing the only intelligent thing thus far in his trashy life, turned himself in. But, of course, had to issue a statement.

"Nick and the entire 'Hogan' Bollea family are saddened that criminal charges have been filed in regards to the tragic single car accident on August 26, 2007. Nick will meet and answer these charges in the appropriate arena – a court of law. The family's primary focus and concern still remains for the continued recovery of Nick's longtime friend John Graziano. The Bolleas will also continue to stand by the Graziano family and help them in any way they can.
"The tragedy to both families is compounded by the fact that unfortunately John was not wearing his seatbelt. Thankfully, Nick was wearing his. Because of what happened to John, the entire Bollea family will make it a priority to increase public awareness about the importance of always wearing your seatbelt.
"There has been much speculation as to the
speed and wet road conditions surrounding this accident. Although all the evidence has not been evaluated, preliminary reports from the experts indicate that this was not, in fact, a high-speed accident.
"Because Nick is still a juvenile and has no prior criminal record, we are disappointed that he is being charged as an adult offender. However, we are confident that the evidence will demonstrate that this was an accident. We ask all who follow these events to keep an open mind as to the facts until they have been ultimately determined. Finally, we thank all who have prayed for John's recovery and ask for your continued support and

How despicable are these people? Blaming John Graziano for his injuries because he didn't wear a seatbelt? Are they going to state that Princess Diana deserved to die because she didn't have a seat belt on? I guess Nick was completely and totally innocent because he's "still a juvenile". And I guess that blood alcohol level of .02 was wishful thinking? Please.

Would the Hogan family be "saddened" if John Graziano had walked away from the crash, Nick had been hospitalized and Florida was arresting John? Somehow I doubt it.

Bitch needs to go to jail. For being a spoiled, indulged little twit, if nothing else.

UPDATE: On November 7, Clearwater Police acknowledged that Nick "Tool for Life" Hogan was racing at the time of the crash.

By the way, John Graziano was a U.S. Marine who served in Iraq and suffered a broken skull in the accident. He has also been comatose since the crash.

Lock the bitch up and throw away the key. Seriously.
Photo Source: People magazine

Heather Mills is Dumped

Fresh off her Trash Paul McCartney U.S. tour, the golddigging Ms. Mills has found herself dumped by her legal firm. That's right, dumped. By the same firm that represented Princess Diana against Prince Charles and the British monarchy. Maybe Heather was dumped because in the midst of divorce negotiations, settlement offers and custody disputes, the former Mrs. Macca couldn't keep her trap shut and was deliberately badmouthing the man who signs her checks.

I know law. I know the legal system. And let me tell you, for a bunch of attorneys to fire a client who has the potential to walk away with a settlement in the millions and millions of pounds (a hefty percentage of which would go to said attorneys), the client absolutely, positively has to be beyond a pain in the ass, bitch on wheels, spawn of Satan. Money talks. Loudly. What does that say about Heather Mills?

November 2, 2007

Little Lord Tommy Boy!

Source: Getty Images

Tommy Boy is back and has come out to play at his L.A. premiere of Lions for Lambs, his first feature film appearance since the disastrous MI:3 and Tom and Katie Get Married.

Tommy, as usual, is sporting his man heels and Ms. Stockholmes must have lost the rock-paper-scissors game because she's actually in flats this time. (Flats that are completely wrong with the dress that's wearing her, but what else is new? If this chick could ever get one outfit, just one, completely right, I'd literally shit a brick).

Tommy actually looks halfway decent, for him. I think he might be wearing a velvet vest. Sweet! Here are Crazy and Smirky doing what they do best - - being crazy, smirking and posing for the eleven people that actually buy their shamarriage.

Speaking of Tommy Boy, because doing so is so much fun - - he's been very calm and almost reticent as of late. What gives? Who's put the muzzle on him? Pat Kingsley, for a return engagement? Robert Redford, who surely doesn't want his movie (and premieres) to be a soapbox for Tommy Boy to preach off of (because declaring his amazing, crazy love for the often-wooden Holmesbot will surely prove his hetero-ness). Regardless of who has threatened Little Lord Tommy Boy within an inch of his 5'7"-ness, I have to admit that I miss the real Tommy Boy. I luuuuuurrrrrve the real Tommy Boy - - the one that jumps on sofas, is hyper and irate and who doesn't hesitate to tell you how you should be living. Controversy!

After all, who wants to go see that old Lions for Lambs unless Tommy Boy is a raving lunatic?

Poor Heather Mills

After listening to sound bites from Heather Mills, no longer McCartney, as she appeared on Good Morning America this week, I can understand why she's so hated in Britain.

This woman has perfected the "woe is me". And not just a "woe is me" moment, as I like to have on occasion. Or even a "woe is me" day. Oh no, Ms. Mills has got the "woe is me" for years down pat.

As all we gossips know, Heather isn't supposed to be talking about her divorce, settlement or anything to do with Paul. The gag order. Which, if you believe the rumors about Heather's past pre-Paul, she should be well acquainted with "gag".

Strangely enough, Heather's biggest gripe seems to be how mean the media is to her. Which she explains, quite naturally, to the media. She says she has had her life threatened and the attention has made her contemplate suicide. Seems a mastery of contradictions, doesn't she?

I have the perfect plan to thwart all that media attention. Go away! If she doesn't want attention, what the hell is she doing talking to morning shows? Let's be real. This chick lives for attention.

She's also a big fat liar who lies because she claims that she told Paul she would walk away from the marriage without a cent (or is that pence, in England?) if he publicly admitted he was the reason their marriage failed. I think that point is a toss up - - the marriage could have failed because of Heather's skanky past, or because she's a massive bitch, or because she's a golddigger or because she was unfortunate enough to lose her leg instead of her ability to speak. However, I seriously doubt she would walk away from the marriage with nothing, no matter what Paul said or didn't say.

Heather also uses the Good Morning America forum to attack Paul. Again. Apparently he knew she was at suicide point and did nothing to help her. Duh! Of course not! He was probably thinking that if Heather offed herself, he wouldn't have to worry about a divorce hearing, a settlement and that moron flapping her gums about their private business.

Honestly, Heather, if you want peace and quiet, and it's not about money (snort), then just reach a settlement already and I guarantee you, the press will lose interest.

Image Source: DListed