December 14, 2007

NBC = No Brain Cells

Those geniuses over at NBC have done it again.

Here's how they work - - greenlight show with novel concept, compelling characters and general audience appeal. Cast parts with incredibly talented actors and hire writers that improve over time. Stick said show in the Monday night at 10 p.m. timeslot. Do absolutely no publicity for show. Cancel show, despite unbelievable promise and solid fan base, after 13 episodes.

I think that's pretty much how it's gone down with Journeyman. Journeyman is, without a doubt, THE best new show of the fall season. The incredible Kevin McKidd stars as Dan Vasser, a San Francisco journalist who begins time traveling in order to help people get their lives back on track. His brother Jack is a cop who thinks Dan is picking up where he left off years earlier with a gambling problem. Jack used to be engaged to Dan's wife, Katie, who is trying desperately to adjust to a husband that can pop in and out at any time, and trying to be an understanding mother to their young son, Zack, who is confused at seeing his father disappear. To muddy the waters further, Dan's former fiancee, Livia, whom he believes died in a plane crash nearly 10 years earlier, turned out to be a time traveler herself who is alive and well and drops in on Dan when he needs help.

This show has it all - - the sci-fi aspect of time travel (which I love); character-driven stories; Dan's deep desire to help people and make things right; and an incredible cast.

So I suppose it's only natural that NBC would choose to cancel it and throw their support behind the painfully lame Bionic Woman.

Not surprising, after they gave the promising The Black Donnellys the axe last year, after a meager six episodes.

SAVE JOURNEYMAN!! Sign the online petition here:

and visit these other links for ideas on who and what to write:

Email NBC - - - - and let them know how much you love and appreciate this show.

Email Fox, they actually produce Journeyman and ask them to continue production of this stellar show, even on another network.

December 12, 2007

Elf in Love

Love is such a wonderful thing, isn't it? Just ask the gayest little elf in all the land.

As if supporting good friend Will Smith at Graumann's Chinese Theater wasn't enough, Tommy Boy actually packed up and flew east to New York to make an appearance at the I Am Legend premiere, with Galaxina and Suri nowhere in sight. I guess he didn't want some pesky wife ruining the party. Or his, anyway, since Will's other half showed up.

Just to keep things in proper perspective, this is the same person who hasn't made an appearance in his third "wife"'s hometown of Toledo . . . ever. He can jet to Germany to accept a Bambi Award, and showcase his third "wife"'s ridiculous new hairstyle; he can fly to Vegas to see a repeat performance concert for The Spice Girls; obviously he can fly to a New York premiere for a film that he isn't starring in or producing. But he cannot, or will not, spend a little time with the in-laws. And neither will his third "wife".

Of course we are talking about love/lust/crushing here. I don't think there's any love lost between Tombelina and the Holmes family. By all accounts the Holmes family is a decent, average and perfectly sane family - - so it would make perfect sense that they would be horrified and mortified to have a Scientology spouting, psychiatry loathing couch jumping elf for a son-in-law. Provided that he and Galaxina are legally married and I'm still not betting the farm on that one.

I do think that Tombelina is perfectly willing to jet to the east coast, without a stop in Toledo, to not only spend more time with Will, who he's obviously courting for the Church (and perhaps for a little party in his pants) but also to do a little clever and not so subtle hijacking of Will's publicity. Let's face it, I Am Legend is likely to be the holiday movie this season. We all know that while Tombelina fails miserably in other departments he is a master at the "Look at Me School of PR Manipulation".

The below pics are from the New York premiere of I Am Legend. The movie stars Will Smith. The premiere stars Tommy Boy. WTH is up with Jada? Was she on her way to or from a tranny convention? And you just know in that last picture, Tommy Boy and Will are plotting a way to meet up without Jada. Run, Will, run!

Photos: DListed

Cash To Be the Next K. Fed?

I'll bet Cash Warren is thanking his lucky stars, and his fertile swimmers, today. Jessica Alba's rep confirmed to People magazine that the bitchy star from The Fantastic Four is indeed knocked up and expecting a Warren/Alba production.

Now I don't know Cash Warren or anything but does it seem like the guy has a job? Every picture I've seen of him he's either trailing around in a store behind Alba, or with her on vacation. And nearly every Internet blogger (well, except for yours truly, prior to today) has either dropped hints or been blatantly accusatory that he freely spends Alba's money while cheating on her left and right.

If true, Jessica Alba is an idiot. Did she not learn from the Britney Spears-K. Fed debacle? I don't think Alba will turn out to be a negligent, drug-addled pop tart like Britney, but if Warren is a cheating horndog, having a baby won't change that. If anything, Warren might get accustomed to the lifestyle that Alba works for and feel he's entitled to such a lifestyle whether they are together or not, simply by virtue of fathering her child.

Best of luck to you, Jessica Alba. You're probably going to need it.
Photo Source: People

December 11, 2007

The Squint and Pout

What is it with starlets, celebs and celebs by default thinking that pouting or squinting at the camera is attractive and equals a pose?

Exhibit A. Melania "Mrs. The Donald" Trump. Every picture I see of her she looks like she's either forgotten to put in her contacts, is bravely suffering through an impacted tooth or has a case of the vapors (also known as gas). Is she missing teeth? Is that why The Donald married her? Why doesn't she open her eyes and smile?

Photo Credits: DListed; Celebitchy

Exhibit B. Keira Knightley. I like the tiny Knightley. I thought she did an admirable job in Pride & Prejudice, and I am heavily biased in Jennifer Ehle's favor for that role. Do I think Knightley deserved an Oscar nom? No, but that's another story. I also liked her in Love, Actually. She's a pretty girl so why is she so hesitant to smile? She has a cute boyfriend so why is she always pouting? And why doesn't someone give her a sandwich?

Photo Credit: DListed

Will Gets a Helping Hand

Will Smith was immortalized in Hollywood fashion yesterday, by having his hand footprints set in cement outside of Mann's Chinese Theater. And what would such a momentous occasion be without the gayest little elf in the land? Tommy Boy climbed out of the tree and took a break from cookie making long enough to watch Will assume the position, bend over and spread 'em.

Interestingly enough, although Will's kids were there, and the dog that co-starred with him in I Am Legend and, of course, Tommy Boy, taking time out of his busy Spice Girl concert schedule, Jada wasn't there. Why do you suppose? Wouldn't this be an important enough day to take off work? Is there trouble in paradise?
You know, I want to like Will. I do. I always have. But the stench of his "friendship" with Tommy Boy is starting to rub off on him. I don't want that to happen. So, run, Will! Run from Tommy Boy! Run from David Miscavaige! Run from the Scientology goons! Run from the bright light that's the Mother Ship getting ready to land on your head!

But let's talk about the gay little wee one. WTH is going on? Why does he insist on rocking those shiny sweaters? Why is he so shiny? And what is the deal with those mangs? Why doesn't he cut them? And why does he find it so necessary to point at Will in that picture? Is he being that blatant about his next intended victim?

Photo Credits: DListed

December 10, 2007

Johnny Depp Will Be One Hot Dillinger

Johnny Depp is timeless. Is there one role he can't play? Okay, I really didn't care for his take on Willy Wonka but I will give him points for originality. And maybe I'm just partial to Gene Wilder as the eccentric candymaker.

Word is that Johnny has signed to star as John Dillinger in Public Enemy. Can I buy tickets now? I know it's an overused sentiment but Johnny could read the phone book and make it such an artistic and highly charged endeavor that I would pay good money to watch him do it. I am honestly so relieved that this part didn't go to the over saturated and over exposed Brad Pitt - - and really, won't Johnny do incredible justice to the role?

Sweeney Todd opens this month and early buzz is that Johnny just may nab an Oscar nom and possibly win the little guy himself. It's about time.

Johnny with Todd director Tim Burton
Photo Source: Crazy Days and Nights

In Case that Soccer Career Doesn't Pan Out

I suppose this is David Beckham's Plan B. Is he selling tighty whities or little David? Or is this a big "betcha wish you had this" to Captain Butt?
Photo Source: Crazy Days and Nights

Two Years, Tops

Photo Source: DListed
In what surely must be one of the more shortsighted moves of the year, Scott Baio married his baby momma, Renee Sloan, this past weekend in Los Angeles. When I say shortsighted I mean on his part - - I think Renee is clever enough to know that having his offspring and a certified marriage license will set her for the rest of her life. But what on earth was he thinking? This is the same guy who told People magazine a few months ago “My parents were married 53 years, good and bad. Can I do that? Probably not. But I really hope I can. I don’t know, 53 years with the same human being? I can’t be around myself for more than three or four hours before I want to kill everybody.”

Hmmmm, I may not be the quickest person around but that doesn't sound so promising to me. Making a lifetime commitment to another human being when you can't stand yourself for more than a few hours? And exactly how do you keep from being around yourself? The questions mount.

People reported that Renee's daughter from a previous relationship was in attendance, as well as the newborn daughter of the couple, whose name has yet to be reported. I'm guessing that Scott and Renee are still trying to find one name of a girl he hasn't boinked. Good luck with that. No word on whether or not a divorce attorney was in attendance, although I certainly hope Scott has one on speed dial.

Viewers of Scott's VH-1 reality t.v. show will be happy to know that the wedding was filmed as part of next season's "Scott Baio is 45 . . . and Single" (a title which will surely be changed since Baio is now 46 and married). And yes, I watched the show last season. And yes, I will probably watch the stupid thing next season.

I decided to give the happy couple two years because I'm feeling overly optimistic today. If I was my usual pessimistic, black hearted self, I would say they have a snowball's chance in hell of lasting a year.

December 6, 2007

Holiday Greetings from the Cruises

Keeping their positive PR blitz in full force (that Morton book is expected next month, after all), Captain Butt and Galaxina's "holiday" card has been revealed by Us Weekly (and not by on-the-payroll, Cruise-ass kissing People). While it's a definite improvement over last year's tacky, gaudy and lame seasonal doily, this latest "crafty" offering by Galaxina is decidedly underwhelming.

During their hyperactive lovefest of 2005, didn't Captain Butt tell us that Galaxina was oh-so-crafty? Didn't he imply that his third "wife" was going to do the wedding flowers? Didn't that nauseatingly sweet article in Vanity Fair state that Galaxina had made the afghan that she and her Captain slept under? Surely a woman so talented and so handy can do better than tying brown bows around cardstock and throwing some glitter on the production. And what's with Camp Cruise announcing that Galaxina had "designed" their holiday cards? What constitutes "designing"? Choosing the ribbon color? Selecting the font of the wording? Choosing which Scieno slaves are going to tie the ribbon and stuff the envelopes?

Last year's craptastic offering
Photo Source: Defamer

December 5, 2007

Fire the President of Hydroderm!

Photo Source: DListed
Or whoever made the decision to pay Teri Hatcher $2.4 million as an endorsement deal for makeup. Clearly that person is not possessing a sane mind and might very well be blind. I can only speak for myself but I feel pretty confident in saying that any beauty product that Teri Hatcher hawks I will stay away from like the plague. Besides her wonky eye, she looks as though she's been pulled and stretched and had her makeup applied by Michael Jackson's chimp Bubbles. Hydroderm is suing the actress (and believe me, I use that title lightly) for $2.8 million, alleging that she breached an exclusive endorsement deal by using as many as 17 other products, including encouraging the use of direct competitor CityLips.

First, Teri Hatcher should be sued for being a generally annoying bitch. Everytime she opens her mouth I want to rip her face off. Secondly, if some company was crazy enough to pay her $2.4 million for endorsing beauty products, she's a moron for promoting the use of other products and deserves to be sued for stupidity. And thirdly, she should be sued for being an annoying bitch.

Have I mentioned how annoying this bitch is?

Captain Butt and Galaxina Take Their Shamarriage To The Slopes

Photo Source: LaineyGossip

After months and months of disinterest and feigning that they really, really are married, Captain Butt and his Galaxina took to the slopes of Italy and attacked Andrew Morton's upcoming book head-on by putting on a gross display of public affection that rivals the 2005 Love Fest. Is anyone falling for this nonsense? Who told Captain Butt that powering a snowmobile was uber-hetero? How much of a bonus do you think Galaxina got for showing up? And why can't she ever wear clothes that fit? Surely Captain Butt has a black Am Ex - - don't they have any decent tailors on the Scieno payroll? Or was this trip such a last minute PR scramble that Galaxina didn't even have time to get her clothes properly tailored? Galaxina looks so good, and there's so much affection (snort) jumping off these pages, she might as well be outfitted in a HASMAT suit.

Does this Gruesome Twosome really expect us to believe that everything in their fake lives isn't choreographed and staged to Scieno perfection? Are we honestly expected to believe that the media just happened to show up on the slopes of Italy and got lucky enough to find the Queen and Queen of Scientology there?

Please. These two are so predictable it's laughable.

Expect to see more as that January 18 publication date nears . . .

December 3, 2007

Katie Holmes IS Galaxina

Images: DListed;

It's been bugging me for days and now I finally have it! Katie Holmes' new look - - it's Galaxina! Did anyone see that movie from 1980? No, neither did I. It's claim to infamy is more due to the fact that its star, Dorothy Stratten, was murdered after filming commenced. But check out Dorothy as Galaxina's straight, bang-y bob (although Dorothy's is a bit longer than the "fashionable" Ms. Holmes'). Check out that dazed, vacant look in Dorothy/Galaxina's eyes. Look familiar? Even better . . . Galaxina is a lifelike android! What a coinkydink. Per Wikipedia, Galaxina is assigned to oversee the operations of a deep sea freighter captained by incompetent Cornelius Butt. When a mission requires the ship's crew to be placed in suspended animation for decades, Galaxina finds herself alone for many years, developing emotions and falling in love with the ship's pilot, Thor, as he and the other crew sleep the years away.

Android, suspended animation, alone and sleeping the years away. It all says Katie Holmes to me! The developing emotions part is a little tricky, but I'm sure Katie can work on that one. And if Katie Holmes is Galaxina, then it's only natural that Little Lord Tommy Boy is Captain Butt. I'm getting chills at the similarities. Really.

This could be Katie's salvation. Even with Captain Butt's money she can't get cast in a movie to save her life. Here it is, Katie! Galaxina. This movie was literally made for you. Heck, you don't even need to show up on set. Just continue with your day to day existence and have a film crew handy. Viola! A new Katie Holmes picture! Everyone knows how much Hollywood loves a remake.

Katie Holmes as Galaxina. Loving it.