February 28, 2007

Week Two of NASCAR - Kenseth Sweeps Cali!


Ah, victory is sweet - - and Victory Lane even sweeter. After a disappointing finish in Daytona (thanks to a last lap crash) Matt Kenseth has come back with a vengeance.
Despite starting 25th at Fontana, with uber-whiner Jeff Gordon sitting on the pole (hee), and despite being absent crew chief Robbie Reiser for the second of four race suspensions, MK, the Carhartt #17 and interim chief Chip Bolin kicked some ass and took names.


Let's start first with MK. No, he didn't qualify well. But by lap 7 and the first of what would be six caution flags waved, he had moved up to a more respectable 18th. By lap 24, after another caution, MK was sitting comfortably in 3rd place. By lap 30, MK was leading the pack. Sweet! MK would lead the pack for 133 of the 250 laps, earning him an additional 10 points in the Cup standings. There was genuine panic, at least by me, seven laps before the end of the race when avowed enemy (because he's Mr. PS's driver) Kevin Harvick managed to come out of No Man's Land in the back of the pack and fall into second place, threatening to chase MK down. However, good fortune was smiling on MK and #17 and it wasn't the voodoo doll I was thinking about making of Harvick and his painfully bright Shell car. No, obviously God really wasn't too busy dealing with world issues to listen to me and promptly rendered Harvick's left front tire flat upon the restart, causing him to pit at the most inopportune moment. I guess God is a NASCAR fan too (or at least a #17 fan). Sunday's win, after victory at Saturday's Busch series, became MK's fifteenth win of his career (and first without Robbie Reiser atop the pit box) and put MK atop all drivers in California wins (six - - four in Busch, two in the Cup).
It also became Interim Crew Chief Chip Bolen's first career win.
Chip Bolen and his driver
Not too shabby, picking up a swept weekend in just your second weekend as Chief. I say the man deserves a raise. And let's give a shout out too to the Killer Bees, MK's pit crew. Not one mistake was made, they were absolutely flawless - - one green flag pit stop, with a four tire change and fuel replenishment was done in a speedy 12.79 seconds.
The Killer Bees - Gettin' it done


This was also the Carthartt's car first victory - - gotta love that alternate paint scheme.
So take that, smarmy guy in the Kroger parking lot, who talked smack about my driver when he saw my Matt Kenseth flag. MK is not a whiner, he's a winner, you wiener.
And yes, it's official. I am obsessed with NASCAR.


The Man





February 27, 2007

The Post Oscar Show

And now for the ladies that didn't necessarily strut their stuff on the red carpet, but showed up for the after-party:

NAOMI CAMPBELL: Okay, I get that metallic is in for the winter and spring. But could Ms. Campbell not decide between silver and gold? Or long or short? At least she was up for a choke collar on both ensembles because what's an awards party without a choke collar? This lady is a model, right? Yikes. At least she's not beating someone's ass with a phone.


JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT: One word. Breasts. J Love brings them out from a long hibernation to accessorize her outfit. Remember back in her Party of Five days when she claimed that getting breasts was like having the best permanent accessory ever? She needs to remember that.

MADONNA: Girlfriend rules. From the amazing hair to the perfect makeup to the awesome dress, Madge owns this party. Definite hit.


GWEN STEFANI: Normally Gwen chooses styles that are funky and fun but work with her look. Not so much this, shall we say, eclectic look. I'm not sure whether she's going for Audrey Hepburn or Swan Lake, but I'm not feeling it.



HAYDEN PANETIERRE: This cheerleader definitely doesn't need saving, she's ruling the fashion world. Normally not a fan of short dresses for anything associated with the Academy Awards, this is The Dress that hits just the right note of elegantly sexy. Only 17, imagine what Hayden will be able to do in ten years. Heroic.

NATALIE PORTMAN: Natalie looks good and this is actually a cute dress. But it just says "movie premiere" or "girls night out" and not "Academy Awards". Another victim of the Short Dress Syndrome.


VICTORIA BECKHAM: Posh is a winner. Lovely, lovely understated dress that perfectly sets off her tanned skin, she keeps her accessories to a minimum to showcase the gown. Great choice.

LIV TYLER: Liv is lovely but she falls victim to the Katie Holmes Syndrome. No, not the psychotic closeted gay man, but the gown without much of a hue. Had this dress been in a bolder color, Liv would have scored a definite hit.

SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR: I swear, I used to have a shower curtain that looked suspiciously like SM's dress. Again, short dresses normally don't work at the Academy Awards. This one is no exception. It may be comfy but it's much too banal to warrant an after party.

ZOOEY DESCHANEL: She's cute and I admire her taking a fashion risk. But is she going to a Flock of Seagulls concert or the Academy Awards after party?

TYRA BANKS: There's red and then there's red. As much as I like Tyra, this isn't screen siren red as much as it's Singapore Four Floors of Whores red. A bad color choice ruins the whole outfit.


OPRAH WINFREY: Oprah's hair and makeup looks fabulous and she genuinely looks happy to be there. But what is she wearing? Some kind of muu muu? A weird patchwork quilt? You can't tell me that designers wouldn't be clamoring to dress the big O, so what's with shopping at Lane Bryant?


DITA VON TEESE: Dita looks good just by showing up minus Marilyn Manson. She truly has flawless skin and looks as though she's stepped directly out of the 50s. But her dress is blending in with the carpet, never a good thing - - with the exception of the big, poofy flying object that landed on her shoulder.


DIANE KRUGER: Gorgeous color, gorgeous cut to this dress. Simple hair and makeup, she looks perfect.


CAROLYN MURPHY: Another model. And while she doesn't commit as grievous a fashion mistake as Naomi Campbell (who did it twice), the fur stole is definitely un-PC. And while she looks pretty and the yellow is a lovely color, here we go with Short Dress Syndrome again. Just too cas for the red carpet.


TARA REID: First things first, who continues to let her into these parties? That being said, Tara is suprisingly demure and modest. The dress isn't bad, the bodice is a little weird, but the color is nice enough. Her makeup is tasteful and her hair done nicely. All in all, though, I'm still convinced that after this picture was taken she was upside down, funneling beer.


AMY SMART: Whoa, didn't she used to be a blonde? I'm not sure about the dark hair, she looks frighteningly like Kelly Clarkson. The dress, however, is to magnificent. The color is gorgeous and the cut is perfection. Minimal accessories are dead on, although minimal and bland hair is a bit of a miss.


ALI LARTER: She may play a sociopathic hit woman who can cut a man in half with one blow, in one of her personalities on Heroes, but in this incarnation, Ali scores big with this stunning dress. Flattering color, flattering fit, great hair and makeup and I love the shoes.


ELLEN POMPEO: Ummmm . . . did she steal this from a Flamenco dancer with a passion for the Orient? Or did she swipe some old lady's draperies? Yuck.

February 26, 2007

Oscar Hits and Misses

Honestly, to heck with who won what award. Let's get to the good stuff, like who wore what, who wore it well and who looked like hammered crap.

NICOLE KIDMAN: Love her or hate her, you have to give her credit for taking risks and always commanding the red carpet. She dared to wear red when no one else did - - and looked fabulous doing it. I'm not sure about the big Christmas bow on her right shoulder, but otherwise, she was a hit.

NAOMI WATTS: I may be in the minority but I think this is a lovely dress. The buttery yellow color compliments her light complexion and hair and she looks like a golden age movie star. Plus, she's allegedly, discreetly preggo and this dress keeps you guessing. Hit.
QUEEN LATIFAH: True, she is head to toe in black and black can be boring, but Latifah still looks lovely and isn't trying to squeeze herself into a size 4 dress. Hit.
MERYL STREEP: She may be one of the greatest actresses of our generation, but what the hell is she wearing? She was nominated for her turn as a fashion editor and she shows up in this creation? Meryl, please, hire a stylist pronto! Miss.

KIRSTEN DUNST: In the past, Kirsten has worn vintage well. But she failed horribly here. A grandma top and maribou-negligee-like bottom? Total mishmash of a mess that's a major miss.

KELLY PRESTON: JT did tell her they were going to the Academy Awards, right? Then why on earth is she dressed like she's going on a safari with Mrs. Thurston Howell III and Ginger? Kel, please, no animal prints at the Academy Awards. Big miss.

JODIE FOSTER: Beautiful periwinkle color and a truly elegant dress. For whatever reason, Jodie doesn't look truly comfortable in it, which distracts from the beauty of the dress. Almost a hit.

JADA PINKETT-SMITH: Who told her breastplates were cutting edge fashion for the Oscars? The same person who told her that she should dress like the Oscar statuette? No, thank you, Ms. Pinkett-Smith, I'm not buying. Miss.

ELISABETH SHUE: Anyone see that episode of Sex and the City where Charlotte met up with her college sorority sisteres after marrying Trey and they were all super snooty and wearing cocktail dresses? Well, Elisabeth Shue looks like she is on her way to a casting call for recasting of those parts when she decided to pop in to the Oscars. Much too underdressed for the Oscars and much too, well, old. She can't be much past 40 - - and the assy hair? A sad miss.

CELINE DION: I actually like the overall style of this dress, along with the diamond brooch on her hip. Stylish and very hip for the hip. But that huge bangle on her right wrist is distracting and the olive color of this dress? Yuck. Wasn't this color de rigeur for kitchen appliances back in the 70s? On the fence.

ABIGAIL BRESLIN: How could you not love this outfit? Sure, it's very, very pink and it's girlish and she does resemble an overdone birthday cake, but she's a little girl and she's wearing a fairy princess outfit (along with a matching clutch). Her best accessory? The honest, lovely and unaffected smile. Hit.

ANNE HATHOWAY: When bad clothes happen to good people. Seriously. She looks as though she's wearing a lacy tablecloth and the big black bow is holding it up. Combine that with the severely pulled back hair and you have a twenty-something actress who's looking more like Joan Rivers' counterpart. Miss.

EMILY BLUNT: A very simple sheath gown in a standout blue that should be a runaway hit. And yet, something is off. Maybe it's the lack of bling around her neckline, or maybe it's the dour expression but it puts me on the fence.

JENNIFER HUDSON: I think the dress suits her perfectly. Brown might be a bit unusual for the Oscars (although Maggie Gyllenhall and Sandra Bullock have done it) but the Jetsons-inspired jacket throws me a bit. Not much of a dream, girl. The jacket alone puts me on the fence.

PORTIA DE ROSSI: Absolutely lovely. The navy blue color is wonderful with her complexion, the dress is understated and elegant, with a gorgeous back. Portia simply shines and does Ellen proud. Big hit.

ISLA FISHER: The emerald green color is stunning with Isla's red hair and she looks fabulous. The bodice looks like it might be a bit small, but otherwise a hit.

RINKO KIKUCHI : At first glance, my initial impression was Kiss of the Spider Lady. But the dress grows on me and her simple hair and understated makeup make the outfit shine. She could have used a necklace, but otherwise, a hit.

MAGGIE GYLLENHALL: Black and blue isn't your normal everyday combo, but Maggie rocks this look. Glorious perfection from the glamorous showstopping dress to her hair and makeup, Maggie shoots and scores. Hit.

BEYONCE: Vast, vast improvement over her Golden Globes disaster. The bodice is lovely, the mint green color is lovely, but is Eddie Murphy hiding out around her hips until Best Supporting Actor is announced? I know she's a healthy, well-built woman, but the way this dress falls makes her look far, far hippier than she probably is. On the fence.

CAMERON DIAZ: I'm no fan so it pains me to say that her hair and makeup actually look very pretty. Then we get below the neck. What the hell happened? Did Andie Walsh from Pretty in Pink make Cam's Oscar dress? What is up with the different hem lengths and the weird, boxy 80s style bodice? She probably makes more money for waking up one morning than I do all year so why can this girl never get it quite right? Miss.

JESSICA BIEL: The Grecian-style of this halter dress is lovely and I think would have been absolutely stunning had it been in a softer color, but fuschia? I'm not feeling it. And why must someone always go for the Barbie look every year? I'm also not feeling the full-on headlights on the red carpet (I think pasties are in order next time) and the full-on assy, fussy hair. Miss.

HELEN MIRREN: Pure class and elegance, Helen has it. She has not disappointed this awards season, continuing to outshine most of her younger contemporaries. This lady makes over fifty sexy, hot and desirable. And she has one of the best accessories - - the Oscar. Hit.

RACHEL WEISZ: Breathtaking. I love this dress. She looks fabulous. The necklace might be a bit much, with the decorative bodice, but this is how you do it at the Oscars. Bravo. Hit.

GWYNETH PALTROW: Love the long hair. Love the understated jewelry. Love the general style of this dress. The color leaves me a little cold and what color is it anyway? Blush? Orange sherbet? Terracotta? Minus the questionable hue, the dress is a hit.

JENNIFER LOPEZ: I'm not a fan of JLo's but I like the color and the overall style of this dress. I don't care for the probably twenty pounds of linked chain around her neck but the rest of the dress is classy enough to overlook that. Her makeup is perfect, but what is up with her hair? She needs to fire Ken Paves immediately - - she looks like a Texas socialite circa 1965. Dress - hit, minus the chains. Hair - godawful mistake.

REESE WITHERSPOON: Quite possibly my favorite look of the evening. Love the color, love the way it drapes on her body, love the simple hair and makeup. Love, love, love. If this awards season is any indication, Reese has her A-game on. Hit.

KATE WINSLET: I love Kate Winslet. She knows her body, she knows what works on her and she doesn't go for trendy, she goes elegant. And she is always successful. Beautiful, understated, classic dress. I love Kate Winslet. Hit.

CATE BLANCHETT: And the "other" Cate, who is fashionable and fearless. Ms. Blanchett is stunning in this gunmetal gray shimmery creation, which suits her to a "T". She may not have scored Oscar gold but she continues to be fashion forward. Hit.

PENELOPE CRUZ: I wanted to like what Pen wore, I really did. She looked gorgeous at the Golden Globes but I just find this dress distinctly underwhelming. Been done too much before and the skirt is a bit scary. Miss.
KATIE HOLMES - At the after party (why didn't The Little General take her to the Awards ceremony? Xenu knows, that would be as close as she'll ever get to an Oscar), the contracted wife continues to disappoint. Dull color, the dress doesn't fit her right (the bodice is big enough for her to slip Suri into), her poor posture contributes to the problem and the ruffled hem only serves to exaggerate her, ahem, thick calves. While her makeup looks very pretty, WTF is in her hair? Beading from Beyonce's dress? And why do The Little General's people continue to dress her to exaggerate her height? She easily looks a foot taller than her dimunitive husband in her tackily dyed to match pumps. Miss.

SALLY KIRKLAND: WTF? Seriously, I can't think of anything else to say, but WTF, this woman has lost her mind and I hope the skydiver she stole that parachute from made it to land safely. Miss.

EVA GREEN: Elsa Lanchester lives! Or at least Eva's conjuring up her Bride of Frankenstein spirit in this frightening get-up. Miss.

FAYE DUNAWAY: Want a multi-use for those cheesy tissue paper "bell" decorations you get at Party City and the like? Turn it into a dress! Faye did. Awesomely bad miss.

PATRICIA FIELD: Her hair clashes with her dress, which clashes with the deep shade of the carpet, which clashes with the lighter shade of carpet. Why I am thinking Strawberry Shortcake? (the doll, not the dessert). Painful miss.