April 9, 2008

Katie, You in Danger, Girl

Photo Source: HotFlick.net

Where is Oda Mae Brown when you need her? Maybe Sam Wheat needs to start singing "I am Henry the Eighth" to get Oda Mae banging down the door at the Crazy Cruise Ranch and hijacking Katie Holmes the hell outta there.

Katie Holmes looks bad. I'm not talking exhausted from working bad. I'm not talking running around after a toddler all day with no time for showering bad. I'm talking full on Manson Family brainwashed as fuck bad.

It's almost mind altering to think that Katie and the Mini Messiah have only been married for seventeen months. Not even two years. Technically, they are still newlyweds (hey, falsely married is still newly falsely married). They have only been together three years this month (lest we forget the magic date of April 18). In three years Katie has gone from a cute, attractive, not highly talented twenty-something to a haggard, brain dead, not highly talented seventy-something. But hey, she's married to The! Biggest! Movie! Star! Evah! So I guess that makes it okay.

Does no one else in Hollywood see this? Is everyone so afraid of Tommy and his little high heels that they won't say anything? What's he going to do? Pummel you to death with a feather boa?

I say we send Oda Mae Brown in there to fix things. Oda Mae doesn't put up with any shit. She'll barge in there and drag Katie out by her Anna Wintour bangs. Or at least tempt her out with a cupcake. And if Tommy tries to interfere, Oda Mae can always call on the spirit of L. Ron Hubbard to berate Tommy for the bad rap he's given Scientology in the last two years. Good times.

Katie: June 2005

Katie: March 2008

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Well that nicely sums it all up. I don't think anyone is scared of TC and Crew as much as the goons behind him-no pun intended--really.Let's sic Oda Mae on him. She could handle it!! LOLOL