May 7, 2008

American Idol: Jason Channels His Inner Phil Collins and Just Doesn't Care Anymore

Well, that was a kind of weird night. With all the song choices (I would assume), it was kinda bleh.

Cookie gets the craptastic first slot and when he announces that his first song is Duran Duran I nearly squeed with excitement and joy and then I felt faintly concerned. I love Duran Duran but performing one of their songs on AI? Not sure about that. Cookie has chosen "Hungry Like the Wolf" and while it's actually a solid performance, it's not a huge variation from the original, with the exception of Cookie's growling, do-me-now voice. Yes, Cookie is still bringing the sex-ay. Randy, quite naturally, thinks it's "aaiiight". Paula tells Cookie it makes her hungry for more. Oh yikes. Cookie had better watch his back. Simon thought it was good, but not great.
Syscreecha is up next and she has chosen "Proud Mary", a song I really do love. I have to admit that Screech does look good. I love the way she starts off the first part slow, more r&b-y and then goes into full on rocking Tina Turner-mode. I thought she did a great job, I thought her voice sounded fantastic and it was an entertaining, personality-filled performance. Which probably means that the judges will hate it. Randy and Paula give Screech a pass and Simon tells her it's like a bad Tina Turner impersonation and he didn't like it. Wow, seems like Simon is a bit bitchy tonight.

Before Jason interviews what his song choice will be, Mr. PS tells me it's got to be either Bob Marley or . . . someone else I can't remember right now because I think Idol sucked a lot of brain cells out of my head last night. Anyhow, Mr. PS was right on the money because Jason tells us he's going to be singing Bob Marley's "I Shot the Sheriff". Cooooooool. I thought it sounded pretty good and Jason seemed comfortable and in his element. The judges, however, apparently got a memo that said Jason must be eradicted from the Idol earth immediately. Randy basically hates the dude, because he gives Jason some lame line about how you don't touch Bob Marley. What??? Since when is Bob Marley untouchable? It's a good thing no one informed Eric Clapton of that fact because I think Eric Clapton's cover of the song is all kinds of awesome. Paula tries to soften the blow of the male judges by telling Jason he is who he is and that's great. Ah, those pearls of wisdom from Paula. Seriously, Idol cannot let this woman go because she is the most entertaining part of the show. Simon tells Jason his performance was atrocious, or something like that. Ryan reminds the viewers that they will need to vote. A-ha, Ryan got the memo too that TPTB want Jason gone. Like yesterday.

Archie gets the pimp spot (how surprising). Isn't this like the third time or so he's gotten the pimp spot this season? Idol producers, low key and less obvious should be thy name. So Archie has chosen to sing "Stand by Me". What a surprise. The day this kid choses a song without an inspirational message or some type of ballad, I will grow an inch, my hips will spread, my teeth will get somewhat gargantuan, I will prance about my house in a pretty pink fairy princess outfit and change my name to Tom Cruise. Jeebus. I don't want to hate this kid but he's not making it easy! Archie, you are 17! Act like it! Stop trying to tell me through your singing what a wonderful, wonderful world it is. You're only 17, you don't know! So back to Archie's performance. I thought it was gaspy and I thought he was straining in places. And I thought it sounded like his last 10 or so performances. So I assume the judges will be orgasming with pleasure over how freaking brilliant and amazing Archie is. And they do. Only Simon makes the comment about Archie seeming to strain at the end, but otherwise, all of them call it the best performance so far, of the night. What the eff ever, RPS. You call out other contestants for not stretching themselves out of their comfort zones, and Archie does the same old same old every week and he gets praised for it. It's obvious TPTB want Archie for the win.

For song two, Cookie is doing "Baba O'Reilly" by The Who and I have to admit that I, again, am sqeeing with delight. I love The Who and I think Cookie can tear this bitch up. Which I think he does. And he looks hot, hot, hot doing it. Bring it, Cookie! I am only sorry that he only had the 2 minutes or whatever to perform. I would love to hear the whole thing. RPS are all "David Cook is back!". At least I don't have to reach thru my t.v. screen and bitch slap Randy into "Hell's Kitchen" because he can lick Archie's ass but not give Cookie due credit.

Screech has chosen Sam Cooke's "A Change is Gonna Come". Like the song, don't like Screech's intro where she compares her struggle to make The Top 4 with the Civil Rights movement. It's kind of offensive, now that I think about it, but again, so much of Idol can be considered offensive. Screech has changed into a long gold dress and again, she looks nice and her voice sounds very good. The glory notes at the end are unwarranted, I think the song would have been more powerful if she had sung it lower and if she was really feeling the meaning and the words and not looking for an excuse to go all Mariah-Celine-Whitney on us. Because Screech isn't Archie, and isn't even Cookie, Randy has to diss her. He thought the song should have been simpler. Paula, quite naturally, disagrees and tells Screech that she thought it was wonderful and she thought Screech looked beautiful and the song exemplified the change that Screech has made during her time in Idol. Which causes Screech to cry. Wow, can Simon actually open up a can of bitchy whupass on a crying Screech? Nope! He agrees with Paula!! Biggest surprise of the night. Ryan has to get a tissue for Screech and then she has to open her big piehole and ruin it all, by saying again how much the song choice meant to her and how it made her think of her struggle on Idol. Sit down and be quiet, Screech.

Jason is up next and before shoving Screech off the stage, Ryan informs the audience, and Simon specifically, that Jason is up next. Wow, they really have it in for this poor guy. Jason's second song is "Mr. Tambourine Man" and, god almighty, he forgot the lyrics. Ohhhhhhhhh, Jason. A shame too because I actually think other than the lyric flubbing, it's a really solid, beautiful rendition of the song. The judges, though, didn't finish eviscerating Jason his first time out and really massacre the poor guy. Randy and Simon both want to know exactly what he's doing and what he's thinking. It's the Top Four, there is no excuse. I think they are being unduly harsh on the guy, but I also think he probably wants to go home at this point. He's basically gotten thrown under the bus for the last 3 weeks or so and nothing he does is going to cause them to froth at the mouth the way they do for Archie. Simon even tells Jason to pack his suitcase. Ouch.

Archie is last up and he's doing Elvis' "Love Me Tender". For the love of God, please, sing something besides a friggin' ballad!! Seriously, my head is going to explode! I think Archie's performance is all kinds of dull and boring but RPS tell him he's basically cleaned up the competition. Whatever. Simon even tells him that after the last performance Archie could come out a whistle and do better. (It could have been after his "Stand by Me" performance, I get easily confused). All kinds of cruel to Jason and really unnecessary.

Who should go? Jason. Vocally, he's really out of his league. I don't mind the forgetting the lyrics so much, because RPS gave both Archie and Brooke passes on that, but I really do think he wants to go.

Who will go? Probably Jason. TPTB want him gone. If not Jason, Screech. Not deserved, but I don't think she has a fan base anywhere near what Cookie and Archie have. So if Jason goes, out of the remaining three - - the most proficient vocally, IMO, is Screech. The most mainstream and best performer is Cookie. The most likely Idol material is Archie. The only one of these three I would buy a CD from is Cookie.

I will watch tonight and hope that if Jason does go, he gives a blazing, big old F U performance.

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