June 12, 2008

Did The Clooney Dump His Ex Via the Media?

Does anyone remember that episode of Sex and the City, where Carrie wakes up to find that Berger has dumped her via a Post-It note? Cold. Really cold. Can't imagine anything too much worse, short of getting stood up at the altar. Oh, and maybe finding out that you've been given the pink slip by reading about it on the internet or the newspaper.

George Clooney's longtime (hey, for him a year plus is a pretty long time) sweetie got the heave ho (or is it heave, HO!) from The Clooney after she reportedly got breast implants and he didn't like them. Hmmm, maybe he's an ass man?

Anyhoo, Sarah Larsen should have known that The Clooney is not a man to be tied down. You don't marry The Clooney. If you're smart, you work out a longterm unmarried relationship like Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn but you can't expect marriage to be part of the deal. The Clooney has been very clear about this. Sarah obviously overplayed her hand and tried to be more than just The Clooney's main girl. Bad Sarah.

A "source" claims that now that Sarah is famous, she won't go back to cocktailing (The Clooney met her in Vegas, where she was a cocktail waitress). Now that's funny. Apparently cocktailing was a decent enough way to make a living prior to The Clooney, but now that Sarah has "had" The Clooney, she's "famous" and therefore above waitressing. I've met Steve Young, Ryan Klesko, Mark Koteras, Joe Morgan, Three Dog Night and Hall and Oates, as well as seeing Carmen Electra in person in California and Carrot Top in Vegas. Does that mean I can quit my office job? Didn't think so.

She'll be in Playboy before the end of the year, bet on it. And probably back in Vegas by next year.
Source: DListed

June 11, 2008

Hulk Hogan is Quite Possibly the Most Ignorant Person on the Planet

Hulk Hogan, aka Terry Bollea, went on Larry King Live to break his silence and probably show the world what a great family he has and how wrong we all are about them. All he really did was prove what a selfish, ignorant and shallow tool he is. Boy, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?

Hulk claimed that Cry Baby's accident, which left John Graziano in a permanent vegetative state, was "God's plan to make John a better person." Sure, Hulk. Because we all know that God is vengeful in that way and what better plan to make a better person than having them hooked to machines to survive and never be able to walk or talk again? I would love to hear Hulk explain why God would beset John with such disabilities and yet allow people like John Wayne Gacy, Ted Bundy and Charles Manson without so much as a limp or a lisp? A fascinating conversation, I'm sure.

Hulk also claimed that God was trying to teach Cry Baby a lesson with the accident. Yeah, a lesson like don't drink and then drag race, asshole?

Hopefully the other inmates in the Pinellas County Jail are teaching Cry Baby a lesson.

What infuriates me about such crap statements is the Bolleas, in the past, insinuating that John was somehow not a very nice person. If John wasn't such a nice person, then why was Cry Baby friends with him, and why did the Bolleas supposedly take him in like family? And nevermind the fact that there has been nothing stated or proven to show that John was anything but an Iraq war vet; he didn't deserve to be in the condition he's in now.

I truly hope that the Graziano family sues the Bollea family for every single dime and penny they have. As John's father said, Cry Baby was able to do to John what Iraq couldn't - -nearly kill him. Very good point.

Hulk wasn't done with his asinine ramblings though. He accused the media of being unfair to his family. Yep, that's right. His shitty family has been completely and totally unfair to the Graziano family, but he's whining about how much his poor family has suffered. He even called it "Tabloid Terrorism" and stated that everyone has been too harsh on Cry Baby. I suppose Cry Baby should have been given an award for crippling John, since that was obviously God's plan for him.

I swear, I didn't think it was possible to hate this family any more than I already did. But I do.

Source: Celebitchy

Happy Birthday, Hugh!

Today Hugh Laurie is 49. I love Hugh. He makes a pill popping, rude, abusive, abrasive and not even borderline malpractice doctor lovable and that's pretty darn cool in my book.

Happy Birthday, Hugh. Hope it's a good one!

Source: DListed

June 10, 2008

Kim Kardashian is Subtle

Photo Source: The Superficial

Yeahhhhh . . . I'm saying her ass is about as fake as the Tommy Boy Cruise/Katie Holmes union.

Irony of ironies, the same day that Kim took her massive ass out furniture shopping, she was complaining about the attention it gets on her useless blog.

"I know most celebrities say they don't read what the press says about them; but to be honest, I suspect in most cases, they don't want to admit that they actually care what is written about them. I'll tell you straight up -- I do read it! Some of it is true, a lot of it is flattering, and a lot of it is totally off the mark."

Is anyone surprised this celebutard reads what's written about her? I have a mental picture that is eerily similar to Dina Lohan going thru the internet every day to read about herself and her meal tickets, I mean, daughters.

But someone needs to tell Kim that when your ass deserves its own zip code, you can't be faking surprise at all the attention you get.

Bobby Brown's Son Wants His 15 Minutes

Photo Source: The Superficial

Why else would he go public with a story about having sex with Lohan in a public bathroom? According to The Sun: “Me and Lindsay got really, really close. She followed me to the bathroom during a private party, and, well, we basically got together. I think she knew who I was when she first saw me. We were just staring at each other and she walked by. I walked into the bathroom and she followed me in.”

Poor Brandon Brown. He's so deluded. Lohan had no idea who he was. She was jonesing, needed a fix and picked up the first available penis she saw.

Truly, is there anyone in Hollywood who hasn't had sex with Lohan in a bathroom by now? Anyone?

Tori Spelling Welcomes Baby Stella

Okay, I may be the only one but I really don't like the name Stella. Not like Tori Spelling and her husband Dean McDermott care. But Stella? All I can think of is Marlon Brando shouting "Stellaaaaaa!" when I hear the name.

Anyhow, Tori welcomed baby Stella Doreen McDermott into this scary world yesterday by C-Section.


Picture below shows Tori and Dean (with baby Liam), post pedicure. Now I like Dean on their reality show, but I think a man getting a pedicure with colored polish is just a wee bit too much.

John Mayer Does Not Want to be Noticed

You can totally tell.

Photo Source: ASocialiteLife.com

I'm sure it was just darned bad luck that he was followed from the gas station to the Beverly Hills Hotel for lunch with Jennifer Aniston.

June 5, 2008

Third Time is the Charm?

Photo Source: DListed
Well, Charlie Sheen sure hopes so!

Crazy Charlie made Brooke Mueller his third Mrs. Memorial Day weekend and sadly enough (from an entertainment point of view, only, of course), his crazy second Mrs., Denise Richards, didn't show up, camera crews in tow, to crash the party.

Charlie, classy as ever, used the occasion to not only introduce his new wife to the assembled guests, but to also put a knife in the back of his ex-missus. He said: "I was telling a couple of friends last night that this feels like my first real marriage. The first one was a show, the second one was a con, and this one is the real deal." Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

Look, Denise Richards may be the biggest bitch on the planet for all I know, but what if his kids with Richards read this one day? How is he going to explain that? And surely your next wedding is the perfect time to let go of grudges, at least for the day. I have a feeling that particular statement isn't exactly what Brooke Mueller wanted to hear - - well, maybe the last part.

Anyhow, I hope Charlie got a prenup since I doubt this marriage will last much longer than his previous two.

And what's with the officially released picture? It looks as though Charlie and Brooke have been photoshopped in.

Shut Your Piehole, Part 2

Photo Source: DListed
Really, the Hogan/Bollea family continues to amaze me with their compassion and dedication to humanity.

That spoiled piece of shit, Nick Bollea, was sentenced to 8 months in jail for driving the car last year that put his friend John Graziano into a coma, resulting in permanent brain damage.

First, taped conversations between Cry Baby and his mother, Linda, were released, where Cry Baby cries about how unfair it is that he's in jail, he has to stay in his cell all day and there are no windows, blah, blah, blah. STFU. You're in jail, you dumb bitch. It's not supposed to be like a spa vacation. At least you get sprung after 8 months. John Graziano has a permanent jail sentence.

And how freaking stupid are these people anyway? Don't they know that all conversations and correspondence in prison are monitored? Duh!

Instead of telling her Cry Baby son to suck it up, be a man and take his punishment, Linda sympathizes with him, telling him it is indeed so totally unfair. Shut your piehole!

So Cry Baby asked the court to transfer him from solitary confinement to monitored home confinement until he turns 18. Because he's under 18, he cannot be in the prison's minimum security area. Ha! I think I would be relieved to be in solitary. I've seen the movies, I know what goes on in men's prisons.

Cry Baby's attorneys said that his “current confinement is neither fair nor acceptable and creates a mental and physical health risk to a seventeen year old.” Really? I'm sure John Graziano's parents feel that their son's current and permanent confinement isn't fair or acceptable either. Where is the sympathy for John?

Anyhow, the judge turned down Cry Baby's request for home confinement. That was a no brainer. If the judge was going to do that, why not just give little old Cry Baby a slap on the wrist and a full apology from the state of Florida? But Cry Baby did get a little bit favor. He was transferred out of his solitary confinement cell (which does have windows, by the way) and into a shared cell, with three other juveniles and a TV.

I'm sure that will be much better than having a cell to himself. I'm sure Cry Baby's new cellmates all have their own reality shows, have a celebrity of sorts as a father and have their cushy lifestyles to go back to when this prison nonsense is out of the way.

Brad Pitt is an Idiot

Photo Source: DListed

No, not for leaving Jennifer Aniston or taking up with Angelina Jolie. I'm over that. I'm not a fan of either lady but AJ definitely comes across more assertive and confident than JA does - - who seems like a crying, whiny mess to me most of the time.

Anyway, I digress.

Brad is an idiot because he actually paid nearly $300,000 (okay, $293,000 but what's the extra $7,000 really?) for this ugly ass table. What are you supposed to do with this? He does remember he has kids, right? Like half a dozen of them? This table is a concussion or permanent brain injury waiting to happen.

Suddenly now JA's comment about finally being able to buy a comfy couch on her divorce from Brad makes all kinds of sense.

See below for more ugly furniture (including those ridiculous chairs at $25,000 a pop) that gullible Brad got ripped off buying.

Photo Source: DListed

Shut Your Piehole

Photo Source: PopSugar

The Post has quoted uber-spokeshole Susan Sarandon as saying that if John McCain gets elected she will move to Italy or Canada. If this sounds familiar, it's probably because she pretty much said the same thing back in 2000 and 2004, only the enemy then was George Bush.

You know, I am really sick and tired of celebrities making promises like this and not following through. If you're so disgusted by the shape you perceive our country to be in, then get the fuck out. Seriously, does Ms. Sarandon think we're all going to burst into tears and beg her not to leave? Hell, I'll buy the bitch a ticket to Canada and Italy. (And no offense to Canada or Italy, because neither country has done anything to me).

Of course, Ms. Sarandon also had to add that "It's a critical time, but I have faith in the American people."

Why is it always a critical time when the celebrities' candidate doesn't get elected? And I wouldn't have too much faith in the American people - - we did make a celebrity out of Paris Hilton and brought the world crap like Farmer Wants a Wife.

I hope McCain gets elected. Besides the fact that I don't trust Obama, I'd like to see Ms. Sarandon in 4 or so years saying "wellllll . . . I really mean it this time! I'm gonna go!"