November 29, 2008

Psychotic Review: Transporter 3

Jason Statham is back as that irrepressible suit-wearing, Audi-loving and ass kicking "transporter" Frank Martin in the third installment of the almost cult-like Transporter franchise.

Be prepared for disappointment, however. The first two Transporters kicked some major ass. They had everything. Fight scenes to drool over, fancy driving and Jason Statham giving us some nice eye candy, both dressed and undressed. However, T3 leaves a lot to be desired.

This time Frank is forcefully contracted to drive the Ukrainian Valentina from Marseilles to Stuttgart and Budapest. It appears that Valentina is the kidnapped daughter of the head of the Environmental Protection Agency in the Ukraine. And this is the root of the problem with T3. Too much attention is focused on Valentina and Frank and Valentina - - a romantic duo, by the way, which is forced down the viewer's throats with as much discretion and gentleness as Chef Gordon Ramsey voices his displeasure. Too much so-called romance and not enough fighting and driving. Boo hiss, T3.

Add to that the fact that Valentina is quite possibly the most annoying leading lady to ever be captured on film. Would Frank/Statham really put up with her mouthy obnoxiousness? I was hoping he would throw her out the window, take her out of the equation and get back to his normal fight scenes (which consist of Statham taking on 4-6 opponents simultaneously, with him managing to wriggle out of his shirt and still win).

Don't waste your $10 to see this installment, unless you simply want to watch Statham for an hour and a half. Wait for the movie on DVD or cable. And hold your breath that the sequel to Crank will be infinitely better.

No comments: