December 13, 2008

Tommy Takes His Fuckery to Leno

As part of the Rehabilitation Tour, the Mini Messiah decided to grace Jay Leno with his presence and assault his eardrums with a painful rendition of Elvis Presley's "Blue Suede Shoes". What lead to such audio abuse, you wonder? Tommy's desire to do a musical. That's right, apparently The! (Self-Proclaimed) Greatest! Movie! Star! Ever! wants to kick up his (man) heels and sashay across the Broadway stage, joining his contract wife in proving that if you know the right people and possess a large enough bank account, nearly anyone can get on stage.

Tommy and his Cruise Camp must be desperate at this point because I cannot recall ever hearing him mention wanting to do Broadway previously. Oh, I'm sure he loves the musicals and I'd be willing to bet he's got his own sequins and boas at home for those "special occasions" but if it was 1996 again, does anyone think that he would be publicly expressing a desire to appear on stage?

No, didn't think so. Anyhow, I felt so traumatized by listening to the Official Scientology Poster Boy do a ridiculous Elvis impersonation - followed by a truly disturbing version of Tommy doing the Elvis-esque dance and gyrations - that I didn't bother listening to the rest of the interview. Not that I imagine I missed much.

Let's be real. Tommy is on auto-pilot. He has been given a script and he's executing it beautifully. No discussion on Scientology. No discussion on prescription drugs (most especially the ones that he must be taking in order to appear so calm and rational). Speak only of Valkyrie and professional goals.

Heck, in the bit I saw he didn't even discuss his amazing love with the magnificent Kate. Thank Xenu for small favors.
If you're feeling particularly self-destructive today and want to see Tommy in all his musical glory, go here:

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