March 5, 2009

Can Someone Stick a Fork in Katie Holmes?

Katie on set, looking her usual glamorous self

Or at least her career, because girlfriend has got to be DONE by now.

Unless Katie's new role in the Kevin Kline comedy The Extra Man (which, by the way, how the hell did she get a part in a Kevin Kline anything??) calls for her to be the wife of a tiny little dictator who has had her soul sucked through her eyeballs, causing her to look like shit on a stick, I cannot understand how she got this role or continues to get work. She looks haggard, she looks ugly and she looks a whole heck of a lot older than 30.

Really. Katie Holmes is only 30. When I was 30, I looked better than I had my entire life. 30 was an awesome year. You're no longer in your twenties, you're still young, you know yourself, you know your body, you know what you want and what you don't want and you OWN IT.

Katie Holmes doesn't own shit. Unlike Glamour's asskissing proclamation of her being some female icon to look up to, Katie Holmes is nothing more than an insult. She was cute before she hooked up with Tiny Pants Tom Cruise. Her acting still sucked ass but her looks could get her by. Since becoming Mrs. Tiny Pants, despite her constant statements of how amazing her life is, how amazing Tom is, how amazing it is to be in such an amazing life, she looks anything but. Do their people really think the general public is buying this steaming pile of cow dung when Katie looks as though she's been rolling around and sleeping in said dung?

I'm not buying it. As Tiny Pants continues to stretch and pull himself and defy gravity and keep himself looking "hawt" for that supposed comeback (although he never really left, right?), Katie continues to deteriorate and look decrepit. Get that girl a cheeseburger, a milkshake and a man who isn't afraid to put his penis near a lady's bits and pieces.

On a related note, supposedly Lohan is furious that she wasn't put on the Glamour cover that Katie Holmes got. Bitch, please. There are few people that not only look worse than Katie Holmes but are far worse "icons" and you are one of them. Did Katie Holmes deserve the cover? Of course not. Not unless she was posing for AARP's "best of" annual edition. But Lohan is a total mess who seems to have burnt all her professional bridges. Something Katie Holmes has not done. Yet.
Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise
Katie Holmes last weekend
Photo Source: DListed

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