April 30, 2009

The Powers That Be at Idol Are Revealing Their Hand

So no full recap this week. Sorry! I was feeling a bit under the weather and just couldn't muster up the creative gusto to be appropriately snarky.

However, these are my quick and dirty thoughts:

Jamie Foxx. Awesome mentor. Was worried when I saw him and couldn't figure out how he would mentor exactly (as I had no idea he had such a musical background). However, he gave the Idolizers solid advice and as an added bonus, he got in Gokey's face and freaked him out. Please bring him back every week.

Tender Dawg. Is Jamie's #1 pick? Whaaaaaaaaat??? (TM Jamie Foxx). Awesome for Kris and probably a huge confidence booster, as he is going FIRST yet again while Gokey gets the next to last pimp slot. Whatever, show. You couldn't be more obvious in your sabotage. Kris, IMO, gave a lovely, emotional performance. I don't know WTF Simon is talking about, with it being "wet" and equating Kris to a spaniel dog on a walk. Is he drinking from Paula's cup? I'm thinking TPTB are shitting bricks over the fact that Kris is getting more votes than their precious Gokey and are doing everything within their power to send Kris packing (i.e., craptastic first slot, Simon abuse).

Breakfast Club. My overall favorite performance of hers, by far. Huge song and I think she killed it. Randy must have said "yo" about a hundred times before anyone cared enough to listen to him. Kara overpraised her so much she may be in trouble. Simon threw her under the bus. Why exactly? Incredible performance gets a middling review from him and truly awful performances have gotten his pass. Confusing. Breakfast Club looked great - - first time we've seen her sans Monchichi hair and not wearing 8 layers of clothing.

Matty G. Glad to see that Jamie Foxx went back and gave him further relevant advice. Proof that Jamie Foxx took this seriously. Thought Matt was a bit boring but his performance was decent. This type of music definitely suits his voice. No talking back, though, Matt. Can be the kiss of death - - unless you're a douchey smarminator from Wisconsin with a dead wife to market. Simon's "brilliant" was puzzling though - - didn't see that coming. Are they trying to push Matt through or make sure his fans feel comfortable and don't vote?

Douchey Gokey. God bless Jamie Foxx for getting in Gokey's face and freaking him out. That was like the kid equivalent of Halloween, with Christmas being a Gokey surprise boot. While I think this was Gokey's best performance in probably ever, since his bar was set so low, I'm not sure how much praise that truly is. He still continues to sound pretty much the same to me. Purely shallow and borderline disturbing, but Gokey looked better in his confessional minus the Gokey Eyewear and with the full goatee happening. Pulling a James Hatfield with only the beard scruff makes him look like he watches kiddie porn. Ick. And can the big "thank you!"s to the audience, no one else does that. Over the top praise, as we expected, as everyone apparently is drinking the Douchey Kool Aid.

Adam Fucking Lambert. Adam could sing The Hokey Pokey (or The Hokey Gokey?) at this point and I'd be voting. I'm that much under his spell. He's wearing a white suit (take that, Gokey) with a black shirt - - is this a direct jab at the comparisons between "angelic" Gokey and "devilish" Adam? And holy shit, he's swaggering down the intergalactic staircase! Adam is like a sneering gay angel sent from above to touch our lives - - with eyeliner. Totally, totally agree with Kara's commentary - - it's strange, it's fun, it's sleazy. And I'm totally ready to jump on board that train, drink the Kool Aid and ride it wherever Adam wants to take me. Randy is an idiot for complaining about Adam being theatrical - - he's been this was all competition, dude - - and stating it's a singing contest. It's not a singing contest - - it's a popularity and performance contest. I'm surprised Paula didn't cry during her critique - - although she did have a hard time talking around her tongue.

Final notes - - I miss Anoop. I think he would have been good at this week. Wonder who Jamie Foxx thought he wouldn't like out of the group? Oh yeah, Gokey. Why was Paula dressed like a big red drunken present?

More final notes after the results - - Bye, Matty G. You will be fine. TPTB can't have you interfering with their plans for world musical domination with the Smarminator. Classy sing out and I'll admit I had tears during his "Home Sweet Home" video segment.

We are never getting rid of Gokey, are we? It's obvious he is going nowhere.

Adam Fucking Lambert looked scared to death he was going to get the boot. No worries, Adam, you are destined for the Final Two. If you had gotten the boot last night, a virtual shitstorm would have occurred and Idol ratings would have plummeted.

April 24, 2009

Suri Cruise: Child Prodigy or PR Toy?

Source: Yahoo pictures (notice the size of her feet and the lack of baby fat -- and this picture was taken months ago . . . yeah, uh huh, she just turned 3, my foot)
Oh, to be the child of Tom Cruise. What joy it must bring.

Poor Suri Cruise. This is a child that is destined for psychiatric sessions on the down low and a scathing tell-all in about 20 years. Can Amazon take my advance order now?

So Star magazine is reporting that the unfortunately named and allegedly sired tot is the most talented and intelligent 3 1/2 year old on the planet. Well, this planet at least. And yes, I said 3 1/2. That was not a typo because I believe it's more likely that aliens walk among us daily than Suri Cruise was born on April 18, 2005 at St. John's Hospital.

According to Star, Suri has been taking ballet lessons since she began walking. An "insider" (i.e., Tom Cruise's PR person) says that "Suri's shown a real love of dancing, especially ballet and tap so Tom and Katie are encouraging her as much as possible."

Suri is also learning two foreign languages and meets with a Spanish and French tutor once a week. Every time Tom and Katie take her to another country, they give her a crash introduction to the native language and culture. During recent trips to Japan and Brazil, the little brainiac picked up quite a few basic words.

Suri is also allegedly working with an athletic trainer to learn soccer because her older siblings excel at it. And Katie supposedly spends time with Suri in the kitchen, teaching her how to bake and Tom has Suri with him in the cockpit of one of his many planes so that she can prepare for flight lessons.

This is so absurd it's almost not worth commenting on. But you know I will.

First, as far as Suri showing a real love for ballet or tap or any kind of dancing, she has also shown a real love of gnawing on her footwear as of late so I hope that Tom and Katie aren't encouraging that.

Second, regarding the linguistics, can this child even speak a full sentence in English? Despite the many photo ops she and we have been subjected to, I don't think we've heard her speak in the last year, if ever. Do fuckery and deceit count as foreign languages because I'm fairly sure that Tom is fluent in that.

Third, if this child is supposedly taking tap at her age and has been in ballet lessons for the better part of two years, why on earth would she need any direction in soccer? Kick ball, run. Should be a piece of (cup)cake for such a talented tot.

Regarding Katie in the kitchen with Suri, does Katie even know where the kitchen is in her house? Does she remember what food is because homegirl looks like she hasn't eaten solid food in about 3 years. Do the Cruise-azies really think we believe that Suri is picking up baking tips, advanced child or not? My guess is that if she is in the kitchen with Katie, Katie got lost on her way to the auditing room and Suri is banging pots and pans on the floor with a wooden spoon.

And flight lessons? Come on! I don't think this child is potty trained yet - - she appeared to be wearing a diaper last picture I saw - - and we're supposed to believe that she's baking, flying, speaking in 3 languages, doing ballet, tap and soccer?

All together now . . . Bitches, please! This child isn't a prodigy. She's a PR tool that is being manipulated by Tom and Katie to give them positive press. Knock it off. We're not biting. Suri is a normal 3 1/2 year old. Big deal. My Boston terrier is probably more advanced than her right now. Hey, he's potty trained.

April 23, 2009

No! Not Anoop!

Source: the witty and eloquent GoebbelsRedux
Damn you, American Idol. I knew this was coming but it certainly doesn't make the season-long abuse of Anoop Dawg any easier.

So last night's results show on Idol may well have been the least anticlimactic of the season. But hey, they managed to end on time!

We're shown the usual montage of performances from the night before, with the judges' comments handpicked by TPTB. Want an example? Do you think they showed us a repeat of Simon's comments about Gokey being a big, fat, boring wet noodle? Hell, no! Instead they show Paula exhibiting her psychosis by declaring Gokey and his voice a sexy beast. Ugh. Just writing that, I hated myself.

What is with Randy fanwanking on himself so badly? Someone needs to turn off his mic if he's going to "woot!" for himself every week. And stop with the booing of Simon already. It's old. Thank goodness Simon thought to put a shirt on.

Paula did the choreography for the Idolizers this week with their Group Sing. I am reminded that yes, Paula Abdul did do something professionally before that terrible 80s song - - what was it? Oh yeah, "Straight Up". Hated that song. Regardless, though, Paula is a great choreographer and she still has her moves. She seems to enjoy working with the Idolizers and also seems remarkably lucid.

See Matt geek out over being able to download his own version of "Let's Get it On" to his cellphone. Note that even a cellphone download sounds better than anything Gokey has bleated out on this show so far.

And God help me, but despite the cheesiness of the group sing, I floved it. Everyone is decked out (supposedly) in 1970s glory, with Tender Dawg Kris looking all kinds of adorably hot, Adam mystifying everyone with his magical brilliance, Anoop being cool and awesome, despite surefire execution tonight, and Gokey attempting to suck up three times the attention of everyone else. I have no idea why all the guys, but Adam, are wearing sunglasses. Maybe it's true that Adam is so fucking brilliant and bright, everyone else has to wear shades. During parts of the dancing and singing, it is really difficult to tell some of the guys apart. Not good. I want to make sure my disgust and snark is directly solely at Gokey.

The lip syncing is beyond horrible. I'm not sure but I think they may have told 3 or 4 of the contestants to attempt to fake it and the other contestants to not worry about it. I may have heard that Ashlee Simpson will be calling to give the Idols advice on their lip syncing for last week. I kid not. It was that bad.

So we jump right into dimming the lights (TM Anoop) and without much preamble, Seacrest tells LRR that not only must she walk across the stage toward the Stools of Shame but she's history. No joke. It really was like "Oh, by the way, LRR, you're outta here! Here's your mic, sing, but do it quick because we have a Ford commercial to get to." I think Idol took those freaky white boots LRR was wearing and walked right over her with them.

It was a classy sing out though. LRR's mom looks like she wants to cut a certain bitch named Simon. The judges take turns giving LRR advice, telling her this is just the beginning, and Simon tells her he's still a fan of hers. That's right, LRR. No hard feelings. Simon was contractually required to cut you down to keep Gokey alive and well.

We get disco divas and a dude for the halftime show. Freda Payne looked lovely but she sounded as though she might need an oxygen tank after the show. Thelma Houston's attire was frightening and I worried those "curtains" on her dress would part and give us a Very Special Show, but damn, the lady still has an incredible voice. And I squeed over that song. My 10 year old self back in the late 70s used to love K.C. from K.C. and the Sunshine Band but the only thing I could think of when I saw him was "damn, he looks old." And what was with the dangly earring in his left ear? And how dated and 70s does "the Sunshine Band" sound now?

So they dim the lights and Seacrest moves on to Tender Dawg, reminding everyone for the thousandth time the ladies underwear story which is way old to everyone but Seacrest and Kris stands there being all cute and you know he wants to bust a cap in Seacrest but he's way too cute to do anything and then Seacrest informs us that Kris is safe and doesn't even attempt his usual fuckery of Kris. Then we're on to Adam and really, is there even a need for this anymore? Seacrest reminds everyone what Adam sang and asks him why he chose the song and Paula is going to cry and the audience is screaming over the magicality of Adam and Adam is so fucking awesome that he actually answers Seacrest's question very astutely and politely and honestly and Seacrest obviously wanted an answer like "I chose this song because I used to prance around my bedroom wearing hot pants and singing it" because he tells Adam "Sit down already, you're safe". So Adam smiles his magical smile and tells everyone "thank you" and he's so talented and so humble that the world just became a better place.

Then we're on to Gokey and I'm doing Idol history in my mind and thinking "could it be?" Could it actually be that Gokey will wind up in the Bottom 3? Could it be that Gokey will get the "surprise" boot? Has the weirdness of Randy's cardiganless from the night before rubbed off on the phone lines? Please, God? So we are reminded of the crap that Gokey sang the night before and how he sounds exactly like he's sounded all season long and how he doesn't mix up his arrangements or anything remotely creative like that and how that was a death knell for LRR but when Gokey does it, he's adulated like the Crown Prince of All Things Idol. So Seacrest asks Gokey about Simon's comments on Gokey being clumsy and Gokey claims to understand exactly what Simon meant ("clumsy" is just so darn hard to understand) and will rectify the situation next week, if he's able to stay and I wonder if he's going to perform remotely from, say, Antarctica, because the second Gokey steps on the stage and moves, he's clumsy. So Seacrest wants clarification from Simon as to exactly what he meant and Simon is feeling very Sassy Pants because he's not having any of Seacrest's stupidity. He tells Seacrest to knock that shit off, quit being facetious and get back to the contestants. God, I love Simon sometimes. So Seacrest tells Gokey he's safe!!

No!! How can it be? Not even the Bottom 3? Will we never get rid of the cheese covered cockroach on a stale cracker that is Gokey? Who is voting for him anyhow? And in direct contradiction to Adam's humble smile and "thank you", Gokey looks totally smug and self-assured. Dick. He also claps because, I guess, you can't really High Five yourself. Double dickery.

So Seacrest moves to the top row of chairs and here it comes. Anoop. Of course Anoop is in the Bottom 3. I don't think Anoop is surprised at all by this. Anoop trots over to the Stools of Shame and swivels on his stool. That leaves Matt and Breakfast Club, both of whom have seen Bottom 3 territory with Anoop. They wrap their arms around each other and look appropriately freaked over whose evening Seacrest may ruin. Seacrest talks briefly to Breakfast Club, asking her about her arrangement and she says she wanted to make the song sound more like her so she changed it up a bit. Seacrest also asks Matt about his song and he said he changed his arrangement to make it more unique and he really doesn't want to get voted off a week after being saved and then there's this uncomfortable silence that you just know Seacrest is delighting in before he wields his power and tells Matt he's safe and Breakfast Club is joining Anoop at the Stools of Shame.

Then Archuletta returns to the Idol stage and his song sounded like hot buttered ass served up on a homemade bun of lame. And he definitely needs an oxygen tank after that performance. He's still gasping for air while Seacrest comes over to talk to him - - probably delighted there is someone on stage actually shorter than Seacrest himself. Seacrest is a total douche for pointing out, in front of Anoop and Breakfast Club, that Archuletta had never been in the Bottom 2 - - but mad props for Archuletta's response of "I was fortunate". Because there certainly is no apparent justice on this program, where Anoop and even Breakfast Club can hit the Bottom 3 and Gokey just smirks and smugs from the Seats of Safety. Archuletta goes on to tell Anoop and Breakfast Club that you don't have to win the whole thing in order for your dreams to come true.

Which is remarkably sage advice, particularly from a 17! YEAR! OLD!

So we're back to Anoop and Breakfast Club and to the surprise of no one, including Anoop, Anoop is told he's going home. I am not surprised but I am angry that they have abused Anoop so miserably all season. Anoop does his sing out in a classy way and he seems totally relaxed and at ease. I am fighting tears because Anoop is so classy and so awesome and his parents are so totally cute and it's all kinds of wrong that Anoop goes home while Gokey continues to stay and put everyone into craptacular comas with his blandness.
The dickery of Anoop continues when TPTB decide to give LRR and Anoop joint "Going Home" montages. Fuckery! I loved seeing Anoop's journey though and I just know he'll be okay.
Note to Anoop: It was a pleasure supporting you this season. Voting numbers don't mean a thing. If you sing it, I will listen. You put a CD out, I'll buy it. That's a promise.

April 22, 2009

American Idol Gets Down with Disco Night

It's disco night at American Idol and if you don't know what that means, Seacrest will inform you - - it means that not only will the song choices suck, the Idolizers flounder about like Katie Holmes in a Shakespeare production, but that the stakes are doubled!

In case you have short term memory or missed last week's show, we are helpfully shown again Matt's voting off and then being given a judges' save. Seacrest comes down the intergalactic staircase and the judges are already at their assigned places of righteousness.

Seacrest says that the good news was that Matt lived to survive another week on Idol, the bad news is that two people will be going home this week, which illicits a round of fake boos from the audience. He then intros the judges as our "guides" for this evening. Guides for what? Disco hell? Tone deaf brilliance? The wonders of vodka and vicodin? I really have no idea.

Randy is cardigan-less, putting me on edge and making me think something is off tonight. He is wearing what appears to be one of Simon's cast-off Hanes t-shirts that has been spray painted. That Randy, always a fashion icon. He pulls a Gokey and looks skyward during his intro and then "whoo"s himself. Nothing like fanwanking yourself! Kara is wearing something like 1,000 bracelets and does the multiple fake kissing thing. Paula is decked out in a brown and pink sheer flowery top thing and she's sparkly from the jewelry on her fingers, wrists and cuffs, as well as from vodka. Mr. Sassy Pants looks as though he forgot to put a proper shirt on, with only his usual white Hanes. Seacrest helpfully declares him dressed for the occasion. I'm sure Seacrest would love him undressed for any occasion.

So Seacrest says that this group of Idols has an unprecedented amount of pressure. Why exactly? Why is their pressure any different than last year's group? I mean, I understand that Adam Fucking Lambert has to guide us all to the Happy Place every week and Breakfast Club must wear 20 layers of clothing every week and Gokey must attempt to out-douche himself every week, but otherwise, what gives? The Top 7 come out on the stage and holy shit on a stick, Adam Fucking Lambert is in a suit!! Anoop is wearing a pink sweater! Gokey is in full on douche mode! Seacrest sends them off the stage, with Adam (naturally) leading the way but Gokey is so busy fawning over Seacrest that he just stands there. Dick! Seacrest then tells Anoop he likes his look - - run, Anoop, run!

Because Disco Week normally sucks and there is no rational reason for having it, there is no mentor this week. Good news/bad news, we don't know yet. LRR is the first contestant up and there is no video, no chitchat on the Stools of Enlightment, just right into her performance.

She is singing "I'm Every Woman" by Chaka Khan, a total diva anthem that is many levels of awesomeness on its own. LRR is wearing a black jumpsuit, a catwoman suit, really, and all I have to say about that is it surely should qualify her ass for its own zip code. Her performance is energetic but something is missing - - oh yeah, serious vocal ability. If LRR was going to bring it this week, she left it backstage. She does hit the glory note at the end, as usual. The audience goes into a wild overreaction. Randy thought LRR sounded wild and he "just didn't know". No kidding. He didn't think she showed any vocal control or what kind of artist she is exactly. My guess is that she is the kind of artist that is going to sing what she damn well wants and not what the judges think she should. Problem solved. Kara believes that everyone was waiting for LRR to sing Chaka Khan and singers like her, but it just wasn't worth the wait. Kara also thinks that LRR has been every woman on that stage, but herself. That may be the smartest thing Kara has uttered all season. Paula, of course, has to defend LRR and Paula is nothing if not predictable. She says that she was with LRR the day before and LRR had no voice - - ummm, like every other performance day? - - and she wants to applaud LRR's strong recovery. Heck, Paula wants to applaud the man who turned water into wine. However, she doesn't believe that LRR tapped into her inner goddess. Sassy Pants thinks LRR looks sad - - I think she's sporting major, major bitchface. So LRR takes this opportunity to interject and hijack the entire commentary with her usual blah, blah, blah litany of excuses - - she wants everyone to know that she was having fun up there, whatever, whatever, whatever. Randy, this is what kind of artist LRR is. The kind that makes excuses and interrupts Simon. So Simon tells her that he's glad she had fun because he thinks this is the last week we will ever see her. We can hope. He thinks her performance lacked originality, the arrangement was a mess. Seacrest comes out and he just has to ask her if she has a response to that, like she hasn't talked enough. If they run over the time because they just have to give LRR an opportunity to open her piehole yet again, I'm going to freak. LRR says she totally disagrees with the entire panel and she didn't think she was karaoke at all.

Tender Dawg Kris is up next and he gets to sit on the Stools of Enlightment with Seacrest. He says that he's going to be singing Donna Summer's "She Works Hard for the Money". WTF? Seriously? Oh dear God, no! Adam Lambert, help him! I'm worried sick for little Kris. Seacrest asks Kris why on earth he would choose such a song - - other than the serious disco blood that runs through him, I guess. Kris says that he chose it because it's a song about a woman. Awwwww. So he takes to the stage and I'm already prepared to dial my fingers off to save little Kris because this has got to be a musical suicide. And . . . he.is.BAD.ASS. No joke. I'm still stunned. The arrangement is totally hot, almost with a Spanish feel to it. There really is no description, you simply have to hear it to understand it. Kris accompanies himself on the guitar and it sounds current and modern and nothing like disco or Donna Summer (in a good way). I am feeling major shades of Cookie - - without the eyefucking but some of Kris' vocals are speaking to my lady parts. The audience goes crazy, as apparently they have all been spoken to by Kris' magic as well. Kara starts the judging by telling Tender Dawg that he took a real risk but it paid off BIG TIME. Paula says she thought the song had a classy Santana feel to it. Holy shit, Paula made a relevant, insightful comment. I told you something was up tonight. Then Paula has to fuck it up by making a totally alcohol-fueled statement about how some women shop in the men's department but very few men would shop in the women's department. The look on Simon's face is priceless. He claims to need a translator to understand what the hell Paula is talking about. You're not the only one, Sassy Pants. Paula wraps things up by declaring Kris a contender on the show. In ladies' clothing, no doubt. Simon questions whether or not Paula was declaring Kris to be wearing ladies' underwear and Paula tries to make Simon out to be the incoherent one but fails miserably. He then tells Kris that Kris' performance was the polar opposite of LRR's - - it was original, well thought out, certainly not karaoke and he thought it was a fantastic performance. Amen, brother! Last and least, Randy says Kris is what the show is all about, finding the best undiscovered talent, that the final 7 are all kinds of awesome and can REALLY! SING! and Kris is ready for the big time, Dawg, he knows who he is and he's amazing!

Gokey is up next and he will be singing "September" by Earth, Wind and Fire, wearing a douchey black button down shirt with matching black eyewear, of course. What would Gokey performances be without Eyewear Watch? So I'm watching Gokey's performance and it starts off with an uncomfortable "whoop!" and it's basically the same old same old. Couldn't this be interchanged with last week's performance? I mean, all of Gokey's performances pretty much sound the same. Drunk Paula is on her feet dancing, while Gokey is throwing out his best awkward white boy dance moves. Obviously the judges have been drinking the Gokey Kool Aid because they all love him. Hi there, Vince Neil! Love me some Motley Crue - - who I saw last summer, by the way, and they were fucking awesome. I wonder what Mr. Vince Neil thinks about some of these Idolizers. Randy begins judging and says "check it out, dawg, I was kinda worried when I heard your song choice" (funny, I'm kind of worried every time I heard Gokey is going to perform) but he thinks Gokey turned it into something that really worked for him. In other words, he totally Gokeyfied the song and Gokey-d out. Kara was worried that Gokey + Disco = Simon wearing a plaid shirt. In other words, hell on earth. I'm waiting for Simon to bust out that plaid shirt because I wasn't impressed. Kara thinks Gokey is an incredible vocalist. I think the judges are incredibly tone deaf. She also thinks that Gokey doesn't get enough credit for his pitch. Bitch, please. Gokey gets credit for having a dead wife. Paula thinks Gokey always takes it one step higher and she is in awe of his agility and brilliance. She also thinks, as a woman, he has one of the sexiest voices ever. I think right now Paula would believe that Sponge Bob and Barney have incredibly sexy voices. Case closed on rehab for Paula. And women of all ages will NOT agree, Paula. Gokey smirks and looks smug and for the record Gokey + sexiness = do not compute. Honestly, Gokey looks like he should be cackling and rubbing his hands together while saying "My evil plan for world domination is succeeding!" Simon claims he can't fault the vocals, he thought the intro was "interesting" but he felt Gokey's performance blew. He felt no star power and he thought Gokey came off awkward and clumsy. Enter Seacrest who states the competition is heating up! Gokey makes a heart out of his two hands while Seacrest gives out Gokey's number and I want to hurl from the Hallmark moment that Gokey is becoming.

Breakfast Club is up next and she appears to be wearing 20 pounds of leather and rhinestones. She will be singing "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer and she begins her performance seated on the intergalactic staircase. Did she fall down? Because I really wanted Seacrest to fall on those things. I actually love the intro - - it's soft, it's slow and Breakfast Club's voice actually works really, really well with this. It must be Randy's cardiganless at work! However, once the beat picks up, I lose interest. Breakfast Club yells "gotta have some hot stuff, I need hot stuff" like she's going to kick my ass if she doesn't get some hot stuff. Well, if she doesn't fall and break an ankle first in those stiletto heels. Hey, where is the Monchichi hair? Randy begins judging (is it just Randy and Kara beginning these things today?) and he didn't love the arrangement and found it a bit overindulgent (™ Simon) but considers Breakfast Club one of the best singers in the competition. Breakfast Club pulls a "who, me?" look. Randy continues by complimenting again the entire group, tells Breakfast Club she can REALLY! SING! and don't forget she's ONLY! SIXTEEN! Kara agrees with Randy on the arrangement but thinks B.C. picked the right song because Donna Summer won a Grammy for it. How this equates into Breakfast Club making the right choice sails right over my head. She rates the verbal performance a 9 or 10. Paula says that "compromise" is not a word that belongs in B.C.'s musical vocabulary. And "comprehension" does not belong in Paula's. She didn't mind the arrangement because Breakfast Club is "authentic" (™ Paula) and she hit the last note off the charts. Simon says whether the song and arrangement is slow or fast is irrelevant, he found it a brilliant performance.

Adam Fucking Lambert is next and this is the moment everyone, and I mean everyone, has been waiting for. Adam at home, doing disco! The camera zeroes in on a poster of Adam donned out in a John Travolta-ish Saturday Night Fever white disco suit. If only. Sitting on the Stools of Enlightment, Adam says he will be singing "If I Can't Have You" from the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack. He chose this song because he wanted something he could connect to emotionally. So Adam Fucking Lambert is standing on stage, front and center, all alone, in his little hot suit and the arrangement has been slowed waaaaaaaaay down . . . but it sounds strangely good. Adam is showing us "this is the path to take - - not Gokey's douchey, indulgent, wet noodle performance!" There is a shot of Paula in near tears over the brilliance that is Adam Fucking Lambert - - like the sun, you can't stare directly at him or you will be blinded by his brillliance. There is one screamy Adam-like note but an absolutely beautiful end note that surely has baby Jesus crying. Randy says that Adam shows range every single week and he's ready RIGHT! NOW! He says Adam has it majorly going on and he's a hot one tonight, America! Kara tells Adam that he's brilliant and every week he ups it. She also thinks he's a cross between the guy from Saturday Night Live and Clark Kent. Huh? She says he's inspiring with his emotion and the way he connects with the audience. Paula, with her voice breaking and near tears, says she has never questioned her visceral response to Adam. Truer words were never spoken because Adam's performances usually leave me feeling like I have uncovered the mystical secret to life. She says she felt his pain during his performance and his vulnerability and it was beautiful and she thought he had left his heart on the stage. He is fascinating, brilliant and awesome and he will be in the finals. Simon didn't quite feel Adam's pain and he would have put $10,000 on the table that Adam would have sung Donna Summer but Adam did something no one was expecting. He found Adam's performance original and never heard that particular song performed that way before and we will remember it. He also thought Adam's vocals were immaculate. Adam gives a special shout out to Michael Orland or Oland for the arrangement. Seacrest points out that Paula melted into a pool of Abdul (Poola?) by Adam's performance.

Matt is up next and I would hate to follow Adam Fucking Lambert under any circumstance. He will be singing "Staying Alive" by the Bee Gees and I love this song for its cheesiness and reminder of John Travolta in his white disco suit. Matt's vocals sound pretty good and I like it much better on my second listening than I did the first but not as much as I wanted to. Matt is wearing a red leather jacket that he must have stolen from Breakfast Club's closet and his lucky black hat. His performance is far more energetic than, say, Gokey's. Paula is on her feet clapping before the performance is even over. Someone needs to switch out her meds. Randy starts things off by the usual "check it out, dawg". He didn't love the song choice or arrangement but thinks that Matt can REALLY!SING! Kara thinks Matt brought disco back. She found it a solid performance and likes to see Matt move. Uh huh. Poola says that Matt picks songs the way she likes to bowl - - sometimes he throws a gutter ball and sometimes a strike (isn't that how everyone bowls, Poola?) and she found this to be a strike. Simon didn't like the performance and thinks Matt needs to get out of Idol Land. He thinks Matt came off a bit desperate, there was no originality and he didn't think the vocals were that great. Wow, Sassy Pants, piss on Matt's parade, why don't you?

We come back from commercial and Seacrest is taking a drink from Kara's Coke cup, much to her obvious displeasure. Good thing he didn't drink from Poola's cup or he would be a blithering idiot. Oh, wait . . .

Anoop gets the pimp spot and will be singing "Dim All the Lights", a ballad that should be right in his wheelhouse. Completely OT, but where on earth did that saying ever come from? Wheelhouse? What does it mean exactly? Maybe I should have said it would be right up Anoop's alley - - which is where I would like to be, he he. So the performance is a bit slow and not highly energetic but I think the vocals are beautiful and he's telling me to dim the lights, baby, what can be wrong with that? The last night is a bit of a clunker, which Anoop recognizes with a small grimace and roll of the eyes but otherwise, I thought it was solid and far more enjoyable than being douched by Gokey. Randy says that sometimes we forget this is a singing competition. Speak for yourself, Einstein! I think most of your viewing audience is aware by now that Idol is a singing competition. He thought the arrangement was dicey, but that Anoop CAN!SING!ALSO! He finishes his weird critique with a "nice, baby, nice". Kara thinks that Anoop made a great song choice and she liked Anoop's performance. She thought it could be on the radio today. She also thinks Anoop's last two performances have been his best. Pan to a shot of Anoop's parents in the audience. So cute! Poola loves the stubble on Anoop's face and thinks he looks fantastic. She tells him that real men know how to wear pink. She also says that no one can deny the beauty of his vocals and when Anoop goes into the magical zone of his vocals. She also thinks he should smile more because he has beautiful teeth. For real. Simon must completely disagree because no one has abused, kicked or pissed on Anoop tonight. He found Anoop's performance mediocre at best and that it was a horrible version of the song. Right, Simon, but you found nothing verbally wrong with Gokey's Lunestra of a performance? He thought it was Anoop's worst performance by a mile. I flove me some Anoop but I must say that "Beat It" was his worst performance.

So, which two will get booted off? LRR should definitely get a pink slip. Her performance wasn't all that, and she got the craptastic first slot of death. Gokey should get the heave ho as well, but I would be as shocked as Tom Cruise's penis seeing lady parts if that happened. Kris was all kinds of awesome, but he was stuck in the number 2 slot. Matt could get some sympathy votes and he was toward the end of the show. Adam is safe as a basket of kitten. I worry for Anoop. He got the pimp spot but TPTB obviously don't like him.

Tune in tonight to see who goes home with LRR!

April 17, 2009

Tim Hennis: Charged Twice for the Same Murders 20 Years Apart

Tim Hennis being led into court in 1985. Source: Army Times

For whatever reason, the Tim Hennis case has not made big news recently, or back in 1985. It's an interesting case for many, many reasons.

Briefly, Air Force wife Katie Eastburn and her two daughters, Kara and Erin, were found murdered on Mother's Day, 1985, in their home at Fort Bragg, North Carolina. Sounds familiar, right? Shades of the Jeffrey MacDonald case, with the military/Fort Bragg/wife and two daughters being murdered. Additionally, the Eastburns' teenage babysitter had kept up a correspondence with Jeffrey MacDonald while he was incarcerated. Here are the differences though - - Katie Eastburn was raped and youngest daughter, baby Jana, was left alive. Husband Gary wasn't at home, either. He was in Alabama at flight school.

Tim Hennis was charged with the murders in 1985. He had a connection to the Eastburns, having picked up their dog, Dixie. (The Eastburns were preparing to relocate to England and didn't feel the dog would survive the trip). Hennis was also in the Army and despite there being no DNA match to him, or physical evidence that put him in the home that night, based on his identification as being in the neighborhood that night by one Patrick Cone, he was convicted in a civilian court and sentenced to death in 1986.

In 1989, Hennis' conviction was overturned and he was granted a new trial, where he was eventually acquitted.

A book and miniseries was done on the case and it seemed that barring a confession, the Eastburn murders might never be solved.

Fast forward to late 2006. Tim Hennis was living in Washington State with his wife and two children, having retired as a Master Sergeant from the Army after serving in the Gulf War. The Army called him back to duty, moved him back to Fort Bragg and then charged him with the murders of Katie, Kara and Erin Eastburn (the rape charge was not included as the statute of limitations had expired) based on new DNA evidence linking Hennis to the murders.

While there are some that believe the Army is once again going after an innocent man, or are determined to save face by charging someone, anyone with these horrible murders, I don't see it that way at all. I am undecided on Hennis' actual innocence or guilt, but I feel that the Army must have some damn good and strong evidence in order to bring a man back from retirement and charge him with the same crime he was acquitted of in a state court twenty years earlier.

Several things I have recently read do give me pause. First, Hennis and his wife were watching t.v. back in 1985 and heard the news reports of the Eastburn murders, with the announcer requesting anyone with information to please contact the police - - which Hennis did, voluntarily. He and his wife went to the police the next day to state that Hennis had been to the Eastburn home to adopt their dog - - it was days after this that he was arrested and charged with the murders. If he was guilty, would he have done this? Maybe. Maybe not. I also read that during Hennis' recent Article 32 hearing a DNA analyst from the SBI testified that the DNA profile she pulled from sperm found in Katie Eastburn at the time of her autopsy likely belonged to Hennis; the odds of it not being him were 12.1 thousand trillion to one.

Barring faulty DNA evidence, I don't see how you can argue with that last point. 12.1 thousand trillion is an inexplicable number. Should the defense be unable to attack the SBI's test results, I see a conviction in Hennis' future - - and the Army is seeking the death penalty.

The defense reportedly did not contradict that finding - - but did question an evidence technician as to the chain of command in storing the DNA evidence all these years, as well as stating how good of a man and citizen Hennis has been for the last 20 years.

The court martial is currently scheduled to convene on July 7.

April 16, 2009

Obesity and Airline Passengers

I was browsing thru CNN's site, looking for something interesting to read and/or write about, and saw a blog debating whether or not United Airlines was correct in their recent decision to charge the price of two tickets (or seats) for obese passengers. This is particularly timely for me, as we just returned from vacation last week and flew from the East Coast to the West Coast.

United is charging passengers an extra fare if they (1) can’t fit into a single seat, (2) can’t properly buckle the seat belt using an extender, and/or (3) can’t put the seat’s armrests down when seated. Should there be empty seats available, however, the passenger will be moved next to an empty seat at no charge.

According to United, they decided to adopt this new policy after getting more than 700 complaints last year from passengers who did not have a comfortable flight due to persons next to them who apparently invaded their personal space.

Naturally, this action has gotten the Obesity Action Coalition into an uproar, feeling that this policy perpetuates the stigma already associated with obesity.

Now, I am not obese and never have been. I am also not tall or stocky. But in certain situations (like smaller planes and the first row of coach seats) I have found sitting in airline seats for any extended period of time about as comfortable as lying on a bed of nails. My husband isn't obese either, but he's built like a football player and is 6 feet tall. Airline seats the way they are currently designed, at least in coach, are fairly uncomfortable for him.

I do understand United's stance on charging someone the price of two seats, if they are indeed encroaching upon their neighbor's seat. I do understand that people can't help that - - again, coach seats are ridiculously narrow, all things considered. I also understand how uncomfortable it is to be the encroachee - - as I once had to sit in the middle seat, with both a large man and large woman on either side of me, on a 5+ hour flight. Bad news was that I never saw, much less used, my seat's armrests for the entirety of the flight. Good news was that I had instant cleavage thanks to my arms being, at most, 5 inches apart for 5+ hours.

The obvious answer, to make all sides happy, would be to design airline seats a bit wider. But that would necessitate an overhaul of all planes and possibly cause the airlines to lose a few seats overall on each plane. In other words, that would cost the airlines money and while they certainly want to make money, I don't think they want to spend it in this recession.

What do I think? It may not be popular but I don't fault United, or any other airline that has such a policy. They are only implementing this policy when the planes are full. If an obese passenger doesn't wish to pay for an extra ticket, or suffer the possible humiliation of having to do so, there is always the choice of choosing a different flight. And to be honest, the only people who will know the passenger bought two tickets is either the ticketing agent or the agent at the gate. For what it's worth, if you cannot put your arm rests down or fit comfortably into a single seat, why would you want to force yourself to do so?

Idol Results: Anoop Kicked, LRR Bitchfaces, Miley Sucks, Simon Saves and Matt Cries

Source: msn.com
Anyone ever have t.v. burnout? I was feeling some t.v. burnout last night by the time I watched Idol. I got home from work early, due to a baseball game that was then cancelled and I was feeling pretty crappy, fighting a cold. I had already watched my DVR'd episode of Hereos from Monday night, then 90210 from Tuesday night and last night's earlier airing of America's Next Top Model (don't judge). By the time I cranked up Idol on the DVR it was about 9:30 and I was planning on fast forwarding through the guaranteed mess of the first 55 minutes, to get to the results at the end. As they say, well laid plans . . .

Group sing was "Maniac". I loved it. I know, dementia and I go hand in hand. And yes, I know the 80s are over. I don't have to like it. Matt gets major pimpage during the group sing. Interesting. Adam Fucking Lambert is a god. I wish someone would shove Gokey off the stage. Anoop stumbles on the stairs, making me love him even more.

The usual "we have an hour for these results so let's do bit by bit and waste as much time as possible". Breakfast Club gets the first call out, which means she's inexplicably safe. How can she not be in the Bottom 3? Seriously, her performance was ass. And she was in the craptastic first slot. I'm getting very conspiracy theory-like, but I wonder if there's shenanigans going on. There is most definitely shenanigans with the giant hoodie Breakfast Club is wearing.

So Breakfast Club is safe and Adam Fucking Lambert hugs and high fives her. Can this guy be any more magical? (TM Paula) Seacrest calls Adam next and does he honestly think there is any suspense here whatsoever? Of course Adam is safe! If he wasn't, all the magical mushrooms in the magical forest would shrivel up and the bunnies and squirrels and unicorns would stage a protest, complete with picket signs, refusing to be cute and adorable and magical any longer. Seriously, it is against the laws of nature and all that is glorious in our world for Adam Fucking Lambert not to win this thing. One thing I've noticed about Adam is that he is like a musical form of a legal narcotic. He doesn't have the subtle eyefucking that Cookie was expert with last season - - I mean, Cookie would sing and then start eyefucking and draw you in and you were powerless to resist the charm and charisma and creativity that was Cookie. Adam, on the other hand - - he doesn't eyefuck so much as telepathically send you the message that he is going to bring you over to his side of being a gay, intergalactic, guyliner-wearing god who could achieve world peace by putting his version of "Ring of Fire" on an endless loop. Can anyone bring on the happy as much as Adam?

So Seacrest goes to Anoop and I know before Anoop even stands that, of course, he's in the Bottom 3 and TPTB are going to fuck with him yet again. Seacrest dicks around the issue, resulting in Anoop telling him "Come on now, Ryan" - - gold. Anoop should be given a reprieve from the Bottom 3 just for that line. So Anoop is sent to the Stools of Shame yet again - - and for giving a good performance! This is completely and utterly off the charts when you figure that Breakfast Club is sitting pretty after belting Aerosmith out of her ass.

Tender Dawg is up next and Seacrest asks LRR to stand up with him. Simon interrupts to tell Kris that, although he didn't get to judge Kris' performance the night before, he thought Kris was "brilliant". Nervous moment. Who is it going to be, because one of these two are headed for the Stools of Shame. I'm thinking it's probably Kris because his performance was good last night, right up there with Anoop, and LRR did her usual one-hit glory note and then a bunch of excuses and backtalk, and that's kept her in so far. Seacrest screws with all of us though, making Kris think he is going to take the Walk of Shame, when in fact, it's LRR!! Justice!

That leaves Matt and Gokey and the show's director or producer or whoever decides the order of these things is a complete ass clown because does anyone think that Gokey is going to wind up in the Bottom 3? Matt naturally gets the shame nod and joins Anoop and LRR in the center of the stage. Seacrest then asks Simon and Paula if the right three people are standing on the Seal. Simon, naturally, says yes. Paula drunkenly hems and haws and then says yes, because all three performances were flawed. Which completely goes against what she said just 24 hours previously, when she claimed Anoop gave a vocally perfect performance. Stop backtracking, Paula, and quit kicking Anoop, judgery!

In the meanwhile, Jennifer Hudson performs and she really does look lovely. LRR could take some notes. I also think she sounds pretty good but maybe I'm biased after weeks of being tortured by the LRR/Gokey machine.

Miley Cyrus also "performs" and I use this word lightly because I think someone could have put a chipmunk in a long dress and glued a few rhinestones on said chipmunk and who would know the difference? Well, the chipmunk might actually be more entertaining. I spent the duration of the audio abuse being passed off as singing thinking that if Miley Cyrus had auditioned for Idol, she wouldn't even get to Hollywood Week. Her celebrity status absolutely confounds me.

So back to the Bottom 3 and Seacrest "generously" offers to relieve the tensions of one Idolizer and sends Anoop (thank God!) back to the Seats of Safety. That leaves Matt, looking petrified, and LRR, looking like a bewigged kiwi. Simon tells Seacrest that the judgery would consider saving one person, and that person would be shocked by the decision. So Seacerst says "and that would be LRR?" and I'm thinking how fucking rude is that anyway? Matt looks sad and LRR looks righteously smug which she really shouldn't because no one wearing the shade of an edible berry should have that luxury. Seacrest then breaks the news that LRR is safe and Matt got the lowest number of votes. Damn it! I was really hoping we could give LRR the send off.

So Matt must "sing for his life", which is another fucking rude maneuver on Idol's part. They really love to see the contestants squirm, don't they? Matt sings his heart out and, honestly, I think he sounds better than the night before and despite my Anoop love and Adam obsession and Kris cutie-pie-ness, part of me secretly hopes the judges enact the ever-elusive save for Matt. So Simon asks Matt how many times he's been in the Bottom 3 and this must be the night for fucking rudeness and Matt says "twice" and looks like he's going to cry. If he doesn't, I may. Simon says Matt's performance wasn't as good as the previous night and I'm wondering what Simon would have said, had he been allowed to judge, and Kara tries to butt in with how wonderful Matt is, although she couldn't be bothered to have said that the night before so STFU, Kara. Simon then says that Matt doesn't have an Adam Lambert chance in a redneck bar in the deepest woods of Louisiana hell of winning the competition (which causes Matt's face to totally crumble) but the news is good and Matt is SAVED! Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Tom Cruise! Matt literally cries tears of joy, the other Idolizers rush him to engulf him in a massive body hug, Seacrest is practically squeeing with glee and I am tearing up like it's PMS-time in Michael Landon land. Of course Simon has to pee on the parade by reminding everyone that not only do TWO people get voted off Idol Island next week, but horror of horrors, it's Disco Week!

Disco Week + Adam Fucking Lambert = Glorious, ostentatious, over the top awesomeness that can only be described as a magical mystery tour where Skittles fall from the rainbow and the Village People rule.

April 15, 2009

American Idol: A Pimp Pimp Here and a Pimp Pimp There

Apologies for lack of review last week, but I was on spring vacation!

So this week's theme is "music from movies" and our very special guest mentor is none other than Quentin Tarantino, whose movies and general demeanor I find freaky but here's hoping he's a good mentor to the Idolizers.

Seacrest once again fails to fall down the intergalactic staircase so the show starts out disappointing for me.

The judges magically appear at their station of righteousness. Randy looks as though he was run over by a wayward traffic painting machine - - he's wearing a baby blue cardigan with a random yellow stripe across it. Kara is boring and very Simon-like in a strapless gray thing. Paula's front resembles a disco ball - - maybe so Simon or Seacrest can stare at their reflections? And "Sir" Simon is boring and in gray. Here we go!

Seacrest starts out by boring us with irrelevant reasons as to why the show ran over last week. I missed this but I heard about it. I can tell them why - - because the producers are idiots who don't understand the 60 minute concept. Don't let Paula have her vodka and vicodin mixture and limit her rambling to 15 seconds. Problem solved. Of course, such a simple solution could never be thought of so Simon informs us that because of the time restrictions, only two judges per contestant will be used. How dumb is that? What's the point of having four judges total if only two will be used?

Breakfast Club gets the craptastic first slot and she's going to be torturing us with Aerosmith's "Don't Want To Miss a Thing". Please. I love Aerosmith but this is probably one of my least favorite songs of theirs. Totally cheesy and commercial and weak - so of course Breakfast Club is going to pick it! We get to see Breakfast Club's film with Quentin Tarantino - - her hair resembles an electrified monchichi. She doesn't sound half bad the second time she sings for QT but I'm sure it will be totally fucked live. BC is wearing her usual layer upon layer of clothing - - does she think she must wear every article of clothing in her suitcase to each competition? That black overshirt is huge and I have no idea what is up with those red legging/pant things. I also notice that BC is wearing one, just one, lacy, fingerless glove. Whatever. I find her performance distinctly underwhelming. For one, I thought she sounded very gaspy and rushed. However, my good taste does not carry over into the Idol soundstage because it seems like BC is receiving a standing ovation. Huh? Paula starts the judgery by claiming that BC possesses the same specialness as Adam Fucking Lambert. Really? Does BC run around rainbows and unicorns in Paula's Happy Place? Paula also stresses BC's "authenticity" and the fact that she's ONLY! SIXTEEN! I suppose she had to get that in because Randy wouldn't be reviewing BC. Simon says something weird about hot and spicy barbeque sauce and then claims that Breakfast Club is the girls' only hope left in the competition which is supposed to sound like a compliment but really isn't since LRR isn't bringing shit to this competition. He also claims that we will see Breakfast Club at the end of the competition. Pimp much?

Anoop Dawg is next and he is dressed for his freshman pep rally. Seriously. A letter-like jacket, but with a button down shirt and tie. It's weird but I'm feeling it. Anoop is singing "Everything I Do, I Do For You" by Bryan Adams and damn, but I hate this song. Quentin Tarantino is concerned about Anoop singing this damn song and feels that he needs to "rough it up" and really kill it with a big vocal. So far, I'm really liking QT as a guest mentor because, despite the fact that he is not a musician, he is giving good advice. So Anoop sings and he appears to basically ignore QT's advice on roughing the song up. Bad Anoop! I really hope that doesn't bite him in the ass. However, the performance is incredibly solid and Anoop Dawg does bust out some good chops - - so much so, that his upper lip is very, very sweaty. Personally, I found Anoop's rendition better than Bryan Adams'. Yellow Stripe Randy tells Anoop that he found his zone and was rockin' the house. Thought it was a really good job and he was in tune with the emotion. Kara thought it was one of Anoop's best performances and she felt connected to Anoop's singing. She also thought that the pop songs were adding to Anoop's soul. Sounds vaguely like something Paula would say, doesn't it? But no overpimping here. Seacrest comes out and asks Anoop who he was singing to. Settle down, Seacrest, it certainly wasn't you. Anoop declines to answer but that's only because he's protecting my privacy. He rolls like that.

Adam Fucking Lambert is next and he will be singing Steppenwolf's "Born to Be Wild". Of course! If this isn't Adam's theme song, what is? So Quentin Tarantino thinks Adam is the "real deal" and we have just gotten a taste of what Adam can do. Nothing more is really needed to be said because it's Adam Lambert. So Adam prances across the stage and he looks exactly like a space age Elvis Presley for the ages. It's wild, it's crazy, it's over the top, it's why we love Adam. I feel as though Adam should be singing this song, crawling across the stage, wearing Madonna's white, lacy "Like a Virgin" dress. Paula is up on her feet, dancing. Yep, she's three sheets to the wind already. Holy cow,but Adam can hit those high notes like his junk is in a vice. Paula opens up the judging by stating that Adam is shaking up the whole competition because he dares to dance in the path of greatness. No, seriously, she really said that. Thank God for DVRs because I had to rewind it several times to understand what she said. Alcohol will do that (meaning Paula, not me). She also tells him that fortune rewards the brave and Adam is one of the bravest contestants ever. Put that in your harp and play it, Gokey. Simon sarcastically says that Adam really needs to learn how to express himself a bit more. He says that Adam's performance was vocally incredible but it came off a bit like the Rocky Horror Picture Show. That's it! Seacrest copies Simon by telling Adam he needs to come out of his shell. The innuendo is getting uncomfortable. Respectable and earned amount of pimpage.

Matt is next and he too will be honoring Bryan Adams by performing "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman". Quentin Tarantino warns Matt not to lose the lyrics while doing his gravely soul thing. He believes it should be one of Matt's top 3 performances, if Matt performs it live the way he did for QT. Matt is on the keyboards and he is practically eating the microphone. The girls in the mosh pit are squealing and screaming. No doubt who is the David Archuletta of this season. I don't know this song very well but I thought Matt's performance was good. Nothing thrilling, not exemplary and not horrid. Randy found it "interesting". Said it started out okay but got pitchy and wasn't one of Matt's best. Kara was confused about whether or not Matt was going for rock or soul. She feels he takes 2 steps forward one week and then 2 steps back the next. Hey, you put him in the competition. She did say that he showed his vocal chops but thought he ruined a simple song by doing too much. Absolutely no pimpage here. Poor Matt is obviously not a chosen one.

Gokey is next. Ugh. While there is no time to really chitchat with other Idolizers, Seacrest makes the time to shoot the breeze with Gokey, who is trying to look casual in slightly ripped jeans and an uber-casual jacket but only succeeds in looking like a righteous douche. He's not wearing one of his 5,000 pairs of eyeglasses. I guess Pearle Vision or LensCrafters is no longer sponsoring the Gokey machine. He tells Seacrest how he just bought a guitar because he's "bored". Well, I guess it's pretty obvious how seriously he takes this competition. I say send his ass back to Wisconsin where he can make cheese or whatever. He reminds everyone how he is going to be on tour in case we all forgot because they only announced the results like three weeks ago. Tool. Naturally he's going to be singing "Endless Love" because that's the type of sappy, douchy song that Gokey thrives on. Quentin Tarantino warns Gokey about his annoying hand gestures. He says he's curious to see Gokey on the stage, with the band, and delivering. I don't think QT is a Gokey fan and this delights me to no end. Personally, I feel that Gokey sounds like he's singing at his cousin's wedding - - only he's not the drunk, entertaining cousin. He's the cousin that thinks he can really sing and thinks he does everything better than everyone else. I find his performance dull and boring and he brings absolutely nothing to the song. The original with Lionel Ritchie is infinitely better. That harp and the God Squad can't save him from this mess. Paula, of course, tells Gokey that his magic is in the timbre of his voice and obviously I need to pop a few of her happy pills because the only "magic" I hear is the angels from above begging for mercy from this godawful rendition. She says that she was unsure if the key of the song should have been lowered - - I'm not unsure, the answer is NO! - -but that "it's that magical place that defines you as unique and unforgettable." Crazy talk right there. Gokey is hardly unique. He sounds like every other prissy wanna-be. Simon looks annoyed with Paula's critique. Paula claims that no matter what, Gokey always slays us at the end. There is some truth there. Simon says he was disappointed with the arrangement of the song and a bit bored that Gokey didn't do much with it. But then says some pansy ass thing about how the song obviously meant a lot to Gokey so "congratulations". WTF? Yet another reference to the dead wife? Over the top pimpage.

Tender Dawg Kris is next and he will be singing something called "Falling Slowly" which I don't know. Quentin Tarantino says that Kris was the only Idolizer to live up to the spirit of the competition by choosing a movie that meant something to him. QT suggested playing an instrument, but stated that Kris' performance should be great one way or the other. Kris performs without an instrument but sounds solid. He starts slowly but totally opens it up by the time he hits the chorus. Why, exactly, do the girls scream over Matt when cutie pie is here? Kris is obviously connected to the song and his weird singing out of the corner of his mouth thing doesn't even bother me. Randy is obviously tone deaf and stupid because he claims that the performance just didn't catch on for him and he found it "pitchy". Don't worry, Kris. This is coming from a man who obviously considers high fashion baby blue cardigans. Kara says that it's difficult to pick an obscure song but found it one of Kris' best moments. Slight pimpage from Kara.

LRR gets the pimp spot and . . . why? She is naturally singing Bette Midler's "The Rose". Quentin Tarantino claims he's a big fan of LRR . . . why? He stated she did a nice switch with the song, taking it from the simple beginning to a gospel-ized middle but he believes she should fully commit to the simplicity of the beginning. So, LRR starts out okay - - and I do really like this song - - but she seems to be straining to oversing and overemphasize the words and lyrics. And those tight black jeans are no friend to her butt. Just saying. I'm not sure how I feel about the gospel part in the middle, mainly because part of the beauty of the song is its simplicity. It's a---ight, I guess. Paula claims that LRR could not have sung a more beautiful lyric and then babbles on about how the road is long and lonely and beautiful or whatever. Simon claims the song is too soft and too middle of the road for LRR. There were nice moments but he feels there is no room for excuses any longer. He is getting frustrated with LRR and feels she is not the artist they thought she was during auditions. Finally! It's not just me! So LRR gets on her Huffy bike and rides all over Simon. That should be the kiss of death but I think we all know it won't be. Seriously, why talk back? Why make excuses for what you did? Why not just go ahead and say "I chose that song because I can't sing for shit, so?" You might as well. Over the top pimpage from Paula.

As far as who will go home? I'm worried for Kris, despite the fact he turned in a good performance. Gokey and LRR could sing the Dr. Pepper theme song and get the most votes at this point. I think Kris and Matt are in danger, and possibly Breakfast Club since she went first. Adam Fucking Lambert may not have gotten the votes he got last week but no way TPTB are going to let him get cut this soon. Anoop should be, and better be, safe.

The real question: how drunk and/or high will Paula be at the results show tonight?

April 14, 2009

Jeffrey MacDonald is Thrown a Legal Bone

Source: Washington Post
Nearly thirty years after being convicted of three counts of murder, Jeffrey MacDonald is still inundating the courts with legal filings and briefs. The latest, a motion for leave to file a brief as amici curiae was filed on behalf of MacDonald by none other than Barry Scheck and his Innocence Project.

Despite not agreeing with Scheck's role in the O.J. Simpson trial, I respect the Innocence Project and the work its done. Which is why its involvement in the MacDonald case puzzles me. From what I've read, the Innocence Project specializes in freeing wrongly convicted persons with the aid of DNA analysis. In other words, I would assume many of their clientele are persons who were convicted without the benefit of DNA tests, and when DNA tests were finally run, they were cleared.

While the MacDonald crimes happened in 1970, and well before DNA analysis, DNA tests have been done on evidence taken from the crime scene. For example, an analysis was done on a hair found in Colette MacDonald's hand, a hair which Jeffrey MacDonald claimed would point to the "real killer". Test results revealed the hair belonged to Jeffrey MacDonald.

Regardless, the government fairly well quashed the defense's motion by stating the motion was not filed timely; that MacDonald was already well represented and so the spirit of the amici curiae does not apply; there is no new third party involved as all attorneys have represented MacDonald in the past; and despite the defense's claims to the contrary, there is no evidence that the hair found under Colette MacDonald's body or the hair found under Kristen MacDonald's fingernail were forcibly removed, thereby eradicating MacDonald's theory that those hairs were torn from the so-called assailants during a life and death struggle.

Surprisingly, the court did grant MacDonald's motion. While I don't think this motion will go anywhere, it's grating that this murderer continues to get coddled and pacified. This man showed absolutely no mercy to his own wife and daughters. So when will the courts finally decide they have had enough of Jeffrey MacDonald and finally throw away the key once and for all?

As an interesting aside, Larry King asked Barry Scheck if he believed MacDonald was innocent. Scheck's response? "Well, I think that what's become clear from the evidence that has been adduced since the trial is I don't think he got a fair trial."

I believed that too at one time, Mr. Scheck - - that perhaps MacDonald didn't get a fair trial. With enough research, though, I have found that not only did MacDonald get a fair trial, but that he was rightfully convicted of the crimes which he did indeed commit.