May 29, 2009

Dirty Laundry, Spelling Style

It's not a surprise that Candy and Tori Spelling have an acrimonious relationship. It was well known before Tori wrote her book sTori Telling (a real hoot to read, by the way).

Now Candy has written her own memoirish book, Candy Land, and is doing the requisite promos for the book. It's only natural that she would be asked about her strained relationship with Tori but her response at a Massachusetts radio station yesterday is shocking.

"My daughter one day decided that she wasn't speaking to my husband, myself and my son, and that's how it's continued for the last, oh gosh, four or five years. And it was sad, that's what killed my husband, actually. He just didn't want to live after that. He [had] just done everything he could possibly do for
his daughter, and she wanted no part of him once he couldn't do anything for her."

That is cold. Even for an ice queen like Candy Spelling. Blaming your child, whether that child is a spoiled little twit or not, is reprehensible.

For the record, I like Tori Spelling. Her show So NoTORIous was one of the funniest self-parodies ever and it's really a shame it only lasted a season. Based on that show, along with her Tori & Dean reality show on Oxygen and her first book (haven't read the second), she seems like she'd be a real fun person to hang out with, go get mani/pedis with, etc. I hate how her first marriage ended and how she hooked up with Dean McDermott but Tori certainly doesn't have to answer to me.

But what on earth was Candy Spelling thinking? If she loves her daughter, wants a relationship with her, and with her own grandchildren, why would she ever voice such a hateful, vicious (and untrue) thing?

Tori has told People magazine “I love my mother. I’ve always loved her [and] no doubt she loves me. There’s no feud. We simply never meshed. My mother is who she is. I’ve become who I am. At some point I realized those two just didn’t go together.”

Sounds like at least in the maturity contest, Tori wins, hands down.

Susan Atkins' Parole Hearing Was Yesterday

Her 18th to be exact.

Atkins has brain cancer and is reportedly suffering from paralysis in 85% of her body and completely bedridden, without aid of even a wheelchair. She requested, and was denied, compassionate release last summer - - nearly 40 years after committing what could be the most notorious U.S. murders in history.

The man who prosecuted her, Vincent Bugliosi, stated prior to the hearing (which I assume took place yesterday, as scheduled) that he would support Atkins' parole application. Bugliosi said "She has paid substantially, though not completely for her horrendous crimes. To pay completely would have meant imposing the death penalty.” He also felt the release of Atkins would “save the state money” as far as the cost of her daily medical care goes - - which is believed to be in excess of $1,000.

I recently read a comment here on an earlier post about Atkins from someone who claims to have met Atkins within the last 2 years. This person does not excuse Atkins' crimes, but claims that Atkins has changed her life and spent the last 40 years attempting to make up for her crimes and if you met her in person, you would never know what she had done back in 1969.

While that may be true, and Atkins may have been a model prisoner for the last 40 years, I still cannot erase the images I have of what Atkins did. Read the book Sharon Tate and the Manson Murders, paying special attention to the chapters on the crimes themselves. Imagine being in Sharon Tate's shoes, watching your friends hacked to death, killed in an unbelievably brutal way, begging for your life and your unborn child's and then being forced to wait and watch as your killers debated your fate in front of you before deciding they had no mercy for you or your child and stab you to death. There is no word evil or cruel enough to describe what kind of torture that must have been.

I hope that Atkins has changed her life. I hope that Atkins found some type of rehabilitation in prison. But that doesn't mean that I believe she should be free to walk or roll or be wheeled out the prison doors. Her victims don't get to walk out of their graves and rejoin their families. Who knows exactly what Atkins and her former "Family" members destroyed back in 1969. They most definitely took 8 human lives, including one unborn child. But who is to say that unborn child wouldn't have grown up to become a doctor and discover the cure for cancer? (A stretch, I know, but go with the principal) Who is to say that Sharon Tate wouldn't have gone on to become an award-winning actress? Who is to say that Steven Parent wouldn't have gone on to author incredibly well-written books, or invented something to have changed the world? We just don't know and never will.

Anyhow, back to Atkins, Bugliosi and the parole hearing. I respect Vincent Bugliosi tremendously. The man is a well-respected and gifted attorney. But I'm not sure I agree with him. Yes, you can argue that Atkins is no longer a risk to society if she is paralyzed over 85% of her body and bedridden. I'm not worried that she's a threat. I'm worried that if Atkins is paroled, how long before Patricia Krenwinkel, Leslie Van Houten and Charles Watson apply for release? They have already vowed to step up their campaigns. Watson is an ordained minister - - you just know he will have supporters or members of his congregation there to state that a minister certainly isn't a threat to society. (Even ones that at one time sliced a pregnant woman open?)

Debra Tate, youngest sister of Sharon Tate, and sole surviving Tate family member, is outraged that Atkins has garnered any support, much less that of Bugliosi. “The Manson Family are sociopaths who can never be rehabilitated. I am incredulous that anyone could condone the release of any of them. “Has everyone forgotten the sheer ­barbarity of their actions and the sheer evil of their intent? The seven murders they committed were so vicious, so i­nhumane and so depraved that there can be no turning back.” Amen, sister.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has indicated that he would oppose all parole attempts by the Manson family killers and possibly even go as far as vetoing parole board decisions. However, the huge financial burden California is currently under, as well as the new liberal administration, may sway Schwarzenegger's thinking.

I will continue to update my blog on these stories as they are reported.

Step Away from the 80s!

What the hell is in the drinking water in Hollywood? First, they are going to commit a filmatic drive-by against Kevin Bacon, always the stone-cold fox Ren McCormick, by remaking Footloose. The horror of it leaves me almost speechless. Almost, but not quite, because I always have a comment about pretty much everything.

You cannot touch Footloose. Footloose is one of those cinematic gems that were almost exclusive to the 80s - - films that were about a whole lot of nothing but were still incredibly good and oftentimes with a "totally rad" soundtrack. (Not to be confused with films like Xanadu, which were so incredibly bad, they were good in a way that developed cult followings, or films like Grease 2, which were so bad they were just flat out bad and everyone associated with them should be subjected to 24/7 showings of Vanilla Sky for the rest of their lives).

Why anyone would choose to remake the film that introduced us to playing chicken on tractors and Chris Penn's white boy dance moves is beyond me. A bit of an aside, but unlike his dickhead brother would be, Chris Penn is actually missed. Anyway . . . hasn't Footloose for the 21st century pretty much already been remade as like High School Musical or something?

Chace Crawford has been cast as the male lead (who the hell is Chace Crawford?), after Zac Efron decided he didn't want to do another musical after that High School Musical crap. Oh shit, is the remake going to be all bursting into song and dance? Shoot me now.

As if that isn't enough to pee in your cornflakes, the big geniuses that run the studios think that remaking Girls Just Want to Have Fun is a briiiiiiiiilllllllliant idea! Yeah, I know. Gag me with a spoon, burn my eyes out with a crimper, strangle me with a bangle.

In case you haven't seen it, Girls is a 1985 movie starring Sarah Jessica Parker pre-Sex and the City as Janey, a teen who just wants to dance, wants to dance with 80s sexy beast Lee Montgomery and dance with Lee Montgomery on the t.v. show Dance T.V. Yes, it's that insanely awesome. Helen Hunt is her crazy friend Lynne who has a fondness for big, Aqua-Net'ted hair and velcro'd clothing. Shannen Doherty, pre-Brenda Walsh, even has a bit part as Lee Montgomery's younger sister, who thinks Janey and her friends are totally bitchin'.

There is absolutely no need to touch either of these masterpieces from the 80s. They are sacred. They are a constant reminder of the glory that was the 80s, my high school years. Their brilliant memories cannot be allowed to be tarnished by remaking them.

I will absolutely refuse to see either of them. Unless, of course, they can bring John Lithgow and Dianne Weist back for Footloose. Then I may have to watch. On cable. For free.

May 28, 2009

She Tries Too Hard

Source: celebitchy

Just look at her. Katie Holmes. A fucking joke nowadays. Used to be primed to be someone (according to such glossies as Entertainment Weekly and maybe my husband, who thought she was sexy cute in Batman Begins)- - not Nicole Kidman, despite her and Tiny Tom's best efforts. Certainly no Sarah Lawrence or Helen Hayes or even Liza based on the barely passable reviews she got for "All My Sons". Nope. Nowadays she's the glassy eyed poster child for the wonders of Scientology . . . and the wonders of being married to Tom Cruise.

Here she is yesterday in L.A. All (Tom's) money in the world at her disposal and she looks like she should be selling blankets in Tijuana before heading off to a funeral. What the fuck is she wearing? It's summertime, for heaven's sake. Summertime in L.A. So why is this crazy chick trying to look like a trendy (not!) pregnant (not!) Morticia Adams?

The Cruise Camp is pulling out all the stops, aren't they? Katie is so very obviously trying to snare the pregnancy angle - - is she or isn't she? Bump watch, get ready. We all know Tom and Katie don't share a bedroom (because Tom, ahem, snores) but I think we're all fairly certain that Tom isn't riding Katie's carousel, if you get my drift. So unless they're breaking out the baster for another round of Wheel of Scieno Paternity, it's not happening. And with Katie headed to Australia this summer to film a movie, not likely.
The Cruise Camp. They try so hard it's painful. Not funny, not even humorously predictable because you just know they can't see the humor in it. Tiny Tom wants everyone to believe he's just a "normal" guy (puhhhhhllllllllleeeeeease!) and Katie is just a busy little hands-on soccer mom. Problem is that Tiny Tom is so desperate, his stink is starting to bury Will Smith and Katie is a shit actress.

Again, all the money in the world . . . why can't this "childbearing woman" find an outfit that flatters her body type? (Long torso, low slung breasts, nonexistent ass and very generous calves). If most of us can do it on a Target/JCPenney budget, surely Katie and Tom's black Am Ex card can figure it out.

What's with the red high heels with this dress? If you're going to wear this dress (which I wouldn't), flats would be a smarter choice. (You know, Katie, instead of wearing those ballet-style flats with the rolled up denim shorts over leggings). And we get that you just luuuuuurve that big white bag - - we've seen you with it daily for well over a week. But a black dress, red shoes and a white bag? What the fuck? What country's freak flag is she waving? And what the hell is in that big bag? A PiƱata? Tom?

Did AT&T Push Care Bear to Victory?

Source: DListed
The Adam Fucking Lambert conspiracy continues!

The New York Times has parked itself on the grassy knoll to claim that AT&T dropped by several pro-Care Bear viewing parties in the Arkansas area to show those rednecks how to power text. Okay, I jest. Not every redneck is unfamiliar with texting.

So . . . power texting allows you to send 10 or more texts all at one time, just by pushing one button. Not only is this against the rules of American Idol (yeah, they do actually have rules), but with AT&T being the only wireless carrier that allows Idol voting texts, it's starting to look like we may have some sheningans on our hands.

Worse still for Care Bear fans, AT&T allegedly handed out their phones to Care Bear fans at these parties.

A rep for AT&T says (naturally) they did no wrong. They admit to being at several watch parties but claim "a few local employees brought a small number of demo phones with them and provided texting tutorials to those who were interested.” Oh, okay. So does texting tutorials = don't vote for the Overlord of the Intergalactic Galaxy or we will kick you out of Arkansas?

Nothing against Care Bear. He is cute and cuddly and he can sing. How can you hate on that?

But did AT&T and/or Idol pull sheningans to keep sparkly, magnificent Adam F. Lambert from prancing off with the Idol title this year?

In related news, Clay Aiken is most likely breathing a sigh of relief as the Lambertinis drop him like last year's Louis Vuitton and turn their rage to AT&T.

The Tides Are Finally Turning on Katie

Katie and Suri at American Idol
And it's about damn time!

If you watched the final performances on American Idol last week, you saw that Tom unchained Katie, let her out of the dungeon where he keeps her with his many copies of Top Gun and Cocktail, and sent her and Suri on over to the show on their spaceship. As usual, Suri had her ears covered and looked completely uncomfortable. As usual, Katie smirked and stared vacantly into space.

Cindy Adams' column from The New York Post reported that not everyone was pleased that the Robowife showed up with her tot in tow.

Katie Holmes, obviously loving cameras and spotlights, shlepped her 3-year-old
to last week’s “American Idol” finale. The fans were shrieking. The paparazzi
were hyper. The kid was shaking. Watching this, Ivana Visnjic, artist wife of
actor Goran Visnjic, volunteered a lesson in motherhood with: “What are you
doing? This is no environment to bring a baby! You’re traumatizing this baby.”
Holmes promptly left.

I don't know exactly who Ivana Visnjic is but I flove her. That woman has balls to make the alleged wife of the Mini Messiah run from the Idol studios. God love her. And I do know that her husband is a sexy beast, so kudos to her.

It's about time Katie is taking some flak for her increasingly lenient and weak parenting skills. I know it's easy to be an armchair quarterback, blah, blah, blah, but let's be serious. Ever since Tom and Katie's over the top Italian wedding, they have pimped Suri out for all she's worth. And Suri has shown time and again that she doesn't like the media attention. Sure, some celebrity kids seem okay with it, some wave and smile. Suri does not. She hides her face, covers her ears, cowers and even cries. Normally while her parents are smiling for the cameras, completely oblivious (or uncaring) to her discomfort.

I know the TomKat PR-flunkies have claimed that Suri loooooooooves American Idol. Okay, so let her watch the show on t.v. at home, where she is not surrounded by paparazzi shouting her name and extremely loud noises.

And while we're knocking Katie for her apparent lack of parenting skills, why not keep the kid on a schedule? I know Suri is a "strong woman" who is apparently just an adult trapped in a child's body (per L. Ron Hubbard's b.s.) but is it really necessary that Tom and Katie bring her when they go to a late dinner at some media-infested hot spot? Didn't think so.

May 22, 2009

Clay Aiken is Jealous

Source: DListed
Clay Aiken obviously has a desire for thousands of Lambertinis to descend upon him and rip his nasal hairs out one by one. How else to explain why Aiken got his panties in a twist and rode his Huffy bike all over Adam Fucking Lambert?

Aiken blogged on his website (available to you crazy Claymates for the low, low price of $30 per year) to call out not only American Idol for sucking in general but to slam the iconic magical savior of the world himself.

Aiken said American Idol specifically looks for contestants who were already polished, versus searching for raw, undiscovered talent. While that is obviously true in some cases (Carly Smithson; Joanna Pacitti; even Adam Fucking Lambert was on stage prior to Idol) it is also not completely true. I would hardly consider Douchey Geekey to be polished (unless you want to consider him a big polished chunk of cheese), or Breakfast Club or even Cookie from last year.

Aiken did blog that he felt Care Bear's win this week was more a message the viewers were sending about not wanting to be told who to vote for and blatant favoritism - - which does have a certain truth to it.

However, he then ruined any possibility of making a valid point by stating that Adam Fucking Lambert's performance of "Ring of Fire" caused him to think his ears would bleed. Bitch, please. Baby Jesus cried rainbows tears of pixie dust hearing that. "Contrived, awful and slightly frightening"?
Aiken better watch his back. Adam could send him into a parallel universe with the simple beam of an eye. He could summon a herd of guyliner wearing unicorns to do his bidding. At the very least, he could sic KISS on Aiken.
Team Lambert all the way!

Sean Penn is Still a Dick

Source: celebitchy
In a game of "I want a divorce", "No, I don't", "Okay, yeah, I do", Sean Penn has rescinded the divorce papers he filed last month, wherein he infamously requested not to pay spousal support to his oh-so-long suffering wife Robin.

I'll admit that I was saddened to hear this. Not only because I think Sean Penn is a huge dickbag (and the worst kind of dickbag - - hugely talented with massive amounts of money) but because I don't think he has any intention of staying with Robin for the long haul.

I imagine either Penn had a little hissy fit and filed for divorce in the midst of a tantrum or he met someone (Natalie Portman, perhaps?) that he had a strong urge to bone and for the sake of decency (ha!), filed for divorce in order to gain the "freedom" to do so. I wouldn't put it past him.

I feel sorry for Robin. She deserves so much better than this.

End of Season Report Card: 90210

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know I'm one of those unusual and strangely puzzling people who have a major jones for Beverly Hills 90210. I know, I really can't explain it myself.

So when I found out that the CW was dragging out the old scripts and opening the doors to West Beverly High, I was thrilled in the way that only sad, cheesy fans can be. Imagine my disappointment that there were to be no Walshes present! The Peach Pit got a complete and contemporary overhaul! Nat is never seen! Kelly Taylor is still present and still an annoying saint! Dr. Pepper is a major sponsor! Okay, well that last part is good news.

Overall, the new 90210 started its freshman year very shaky. Rather than the Walsh family relocating to the hills of Beverly from Minnesota, we get the Wilson family coming from Kansas. And there were problems. First, the Wilsons had been to California before, many times. Dad Harry grew up in Beverly Hills, his mother Tabitha a former movie star, and he even went to school (supposedly) with Saint Kelly Taylor. So they weren't exactly fish out of water. Secondly, the Wilsons could pretty much develop and mayor the town of Dullsville. Dad Harry was principal of West Beverly and boring. Mom Debbie is a photographer and boring. Daughter Annie is perky, perenially flashing her pearly whites, in dire need of a sandwich or ten, and boring. Only adopted son Dixon showed any real character potential.

The supporting players were just as confusing. Spoiled rich girl Naomi Clark started the season not only being an utter entitled bitch on wheels but poorly and inconsistently acted by Annalynne McCord. Her boyfriend Ethan, we were told repeatedly was an uber jock at school, but the most exciting thing he did involved a brief scene where he was caring for his autistic brother. A storyline which 90210 inexplicably decided not to follow up on and wrongly so, in my humble little opinion. Perhaps seeing more of Ethan's home life would give his character more potential and roughen up the edges. Adrianna used to be a child actress with a she-devil stage mother who has found growing up detrimental to her career and turned to drugs as a result. Adrianna was delightfully bitchy but her overnight addiction, near overdose and trip to rehab, along with a positive EPT stick, was head-spinning to say the least. Sweet Navid, the local adult firm producer's son, long had a crush (we were told on Adrianna) but before he became Adrianna-centered, he ran the school's newspaper and t.v. station (yet another storyline the show decided not to follow up on, along with a very clever and tart glance at t.v. station newscaster Hannah Zuckerman-Vasquez, with the kids saying "She looks 30" - - Hannah Z-V is the fictional daughter of fictional Andrea Zuckerman from the original show, whose portrayer Gabrielle Carteris was 28 when the original show premiered, playing a 16 year old, and looked every inch the 28 year old). Add to this motley mix Erin Silver, the younger half sister of Kelly Taylor and David Silver from the original show. Erin prefers to be called Silver and she has gone from a cute little blonde girl to a dark headed, moody and bucking convention teen who will quickly glom on to Dixon.

Had I been a betting gal, after the first month or so of the show, I would have guessed it would have been cancelled.

However, good news for 90210 fans was on the horizon. Writers from Gossip Girl stepped in to overhaul the already-ailing show. Since that time, the writing and the acting have improved. Plotlines aren't thrown out at random, in a seemingly desperate hope that something will stick. There was actually development, character and plot, without immediate payoff. Such a bold and smart move has given 90210 an invitation to return next season.

The Improved:

Naomi. At first an uber-bitch set to specifically make Annie Wilson's life hell, Naomi has been softened up and made more relatable. She still somewhat resembles a 30 year old socialite, but actress Annalynne McCord's acting has improved tremendously (certainly helped by being paired opposite persons beside Shenae Grimes). Smart move on the part of TPTB to get Naomi out of that hotel (what 16 year old would be living in a hotel with their dad living down the street?) and into a house, although having her sister Jen be the "responsible adult" is frightening. Naomi's chemistry with Liam is much stronger and more believable than with Ethan, where there was zero. But fans are still wondering what happened to Ozzy?

Dixon. Dixon never really needed improving, per se, as he was the most relatable character when the show premiered, but props to TPTB for having Dixon seek out his birth mother. Here's hoping there will be follow up to that potential gold mine of stories next season.

Adrianna. At the start of the show, Adrianna was a supporting character and a troubled one at that. She has since become the backbone of the show and should be the starring female. Actress Jessica Lowndes, besides being dizzyingly gorgeous at all times, turns in stellar acting even with the most dismal dreck in front of her. The earnestly romantic chemistry with Navid is sweet and gives 90210 a softness it would otherwise lack. While going into labor at the prom is about as cliched as you can get, Adrianna's conflicted emotions on the birth of her daughter and the decision to give her up for adoption gave Lowndes the chance to shine and cemented her place as the female to top on this show.

Navid. A spotty character at the beginning of the series, who was absent for many episodes at a time, Navid has since become an important element of the show's cast of characters. While his decision to marry Adrianna and raise her baby together was something that only a teenager would think is logical, it's refreshing to have a main male character who has remained a virgin and is not ostracized for it. Actor Michael Steger also has wonderful chemistry with Jessica Lowndes, which makes their storylines all the better.

Return of the Oldies. Yes, even Kelly Taylor. It's good to see what the old gang have been up to. Kelly is now a guidance counselor at West Beverly and has a son with Dylan McKay, who is somewhere in Wyoming. Brenda is a major stage actress and has returned not only to assist with West Beverly's stage productions, but also to sleep with Kelly's co-worker (and potential amour) Ryan Matthews, receive cell calls from Dylan and be a positive mentor for Adrianna. Donna has returned from Japan, where she was living with David, with baby daughter Ruby in tow, to not only open her own store in L.A. but separate from David. Nat is still running The Peach Pit. Brandon is supposedly married and has children. All of these updates and appearances are a Beverly Hills 90210 fan's fantasy dream.

The Questionable:

Tabitha. Why on earth would you get rid of your most humorous character? Tabitha was a laugh a minute and provided some storyline potential with the deadly dull Debbie who seemed to have nothing to do other than mope around their Beverly Hills mansion about how different Bev Hills was from Kansas and worrying about the kids. Are we really supposed to believe that Tabitha is still at an East Coast film shoot and has basically turned her house over to son Harry and his family?

Shenae Grimes/Annie. I'll admit it. I hated Annie when the show started. She was perky, she was cute and Shenae Grimes was an utterly horrid actress. There was absolutely nothing to relate to and Annie was so squeaky clean, there was very little material the writers could give her. Shenae did improve over the course of the season and with the season finale showing Annie going all Carrie on the prom party (even if Shenae seemed a tad too intense in the anger scenes), in addition to drinking and driving and seeming to hit something or someone, it appears that Annie will finally get dirtied up and have something for Shenae to (hopefully) sink her teeth into.

Firing Dustin Milligan/Ethan. While this move may have made sense before the end of 2008, now it seems puzzling. The writers introduced Rhonda, the geeky high schooler that Ethan hit who had a long-time crush on him. She was ultimately the straw that broke the back of the bland Ethan and Annie relationship but 90210 just let this story go. In the last few episodes of the season, it became apparent that Ethan was developing strong feelings for his friend Dixon's girlfriend Silver, which all came to a head on prom night, setting up all kinds of angst potential for next season. Add that to the already stated autistic brother and it seems that Ethan could have been smartly rehabbed as a character if TPTB weren't so willing to give up.

Paging Steve Sanders. While I appreciate being thrown a few bones about what Kelly, Brenda, Brandon, Donna and David have been up to, what about Steve and Janet Sanders? Aren't they still in L.A.? How about Andrea Zuckerman? Some follow up on Jackie Taylor? You've told us that Dylan is in Wyoming but can we get a little more info? Show, please don't let us down. I've read that TPTB don't want to use Beverly Hills 90210 stars in cameos or returns as a gimmick to make the show, but why not? We're interested in what they're doing and if you're going to have Kelly Taylor be a part of this show, it would only make sense that she'd be keeping up with the old gang just as much as we would.

Ryan Matthews. Otherwise known as the only teacher at West Beverly. Seriously, do the kids have any teacher other than Mr. Matthews? Can we not at least pretend? How about bringing back Mrs. Teasley? She seemed like the kind of person who would stay with West Beverly for the duration. Or better yet, why not kill two birds with one stone and have Steve Sanders return - - as West Beverly's gym teacher.

Jen Clark. I have nothing against the character of Jen, Naomi's older sister, despite the fact that she is quite possibly the most horrid, backstabbing bitch who ever bitched on the CW. Since the show rehabbed both their previous bitches in training (Naomi and Adrianna), it was sorely in need of a good old evil character. Jen certainly fits the bill - - lying to her sister about her trust fund, allowing Naomi to pay for their new home, the furnishings and Jen's clothes, as well as going after Ryan Matthews with a vengeance and showing her bitch claws to Kelly. However, actress Sara Foster simply doesn't fit the bill. Jen is supposed to be twenty-one and Foster looks as though she could be the parenting a graduating senior at West Beverly. Further, Foster's acting is wooden at best and painfully atrocious at worst. She delivers her lines with little emotion in her voice and on her face - - a deadly sin when you're playing the bitch on the show. Either get Foster some acting lessons over the summer or recast her, because the character could be a positive.

Overall, 90210 managed to get it together by the end of the season and for that, I'll give it a B.

May 21, 2009

American Idol Finale: How Did Care Bear Defeat the Glam?

Season 8 of American Idol has ended and the unspeakable (for many) has happened. Adam Fucking Lambert was not crowned the winner of Idol. How did it happen? How could such an obvious front runner, and crazily talented guy, not win the whole thing?

Blame it, in part at least, on the media. Adam F. Lambert has had major stirrings since Hollywood Week, the judges have continually praised his mad talent and abilities (Simon issuing not only his first and ever standing ovation to a contestant but practically preaching to the viewing public about its responsibilities on voting for Adam) and even mainstream entertainment publications like Entertainment Weekly have focused exclusively on Adam (said magazine putting Adam and Adam only on its cover a month ago). Saturating the viewing public with continual images of Adam's brilliance and, worse, telling us who we should vote for, did little for garnering support for Adam and more for alienating fans of Breakfast Club and and Douchey Geekey, the Idolizers voted off in the month prior to the finale, and the undecided voters still sitting on the proverbial fence.

Put a small amount of blame, too, on Douchey Geekey. His self-professed religious background, continually reminding us he is a widower and his treacly, suicide-inducing ballads all have more in common with Care Bear than the Glam Overlord of the Big Gay (or Not Gay) Galaxy (and I mean that as a compliment - - that outfit Adam wore when performing with KISS was BAD.ASS. Let's just hope that Tom Cruise didn't see those platforms and get any ideas). Further, when the top 2 were announced, Idol elected to send Care Bear to safety immediately (despite the fact that Adam F. Lambert had probably garnered more votes than Care Bear that week) and pit the Glam God against the Eyeglass Wearing Cheester. With Adam being sent to the finale, would it be any wonder that Geekey's fans blamed Adam?

Will Adam losing the tiara of a million dreams be bad news for him in the long run? Highly, highly unlikely. His rendition of "We are the Champions", along with Care Bear and Queen, during the 2 hour long finale, was the type of magic made with unicorns, pixie dust and rainbows. Only Freddy Mercury himself could have topped Adam Fucking Lambert on stage with Queen.

Adam F. Lambert will be fine - - he will certainly prove to be more successful than having won the crown (or tiara). I expect him to go the way of Chris Daughtry and Jennifer Hudson, if not bypass their successes entirely.

Now, for the quick and dirty on the finale.


- The Idol producers, who actually managed to not only end the show at the scheduled time, but also managed to make the usually bloated 2 hour telecast feel fresh and entertaining.

- Cookie, who still sounds freaking amazing on the stage and whose heartfelt statement about his brother's passing and donations from his new song going to ABC2 made me respect him all the more.

- Cyndi Lauper, whose duet with Breakfast Club was spot on and the best duet of the night.

- Queen and KISS, who were kick ass performers with the added benefit of Adam Fucking Lambert fronting them. Every week should be like this.

- Carlos Santana who still OWNS the guitar, and Matty G. who sounded pretty damn good singing "Black Magic Woman" to Santana.

- Kara, who issued a complete and total "F-you" to Bikini Girl and made me forgive her for every stupid comment she made during the season. Not only can Kara absolutely bury her in the singing department, but she looks pretty good in a bikini too. I think we were all waiting all season long for Bikini Girl to be schooled.

- Adam Fucking Lambert and Care Bear. The Idol bromance to end all bromances. Both seemed to have a great time performing with each other and neither seemed overly concerned with taking the whole thing. Care Bear was genuinely shocked at winning and Adam F. Lambert was genuinely thrilled for Care Bear. Doesn't get much better than that.


- Randy's wardrobe. Really? I mean, really?

- The Golden Idol Awards. Not only is this a time sucking filler, it's a poorly produced and just plain painful time sucking filler. Was there any question as to who was going to "win" these awards? Did we really want to see Bikini Girl, with her new tan and new breasts, again? I have no problem with Norman Gentle but I have no desire to be subjected to crazy ass Tatiana again. Either cut the show by half an hour or let fans call in or email in with questions.

- TPTB for not giving Anoop solo time. LRR gets a duet with Queen Latifah, Matty G. gets to sing with Santana and nothing for Anoop? The kicking continues . . .

- Douchey Geekey even attempting "Hello" after Cookie OWNED that shit last season. And Lionel Ritchie can't show up last year to sing with Cookie but shows up this year to sing with Wisconsin's favorite cheese ball? Please. I like you, Lionel, but you're pushing it.

- TPTB for continuing to subject us to Marlboro. She was voted off for a reason, people. I did not need to see her stinking up the stage with Steve Martin (who deserves far better) and no one should have to watch her attempting to dance with her flailing body parts. Stick a fork in her, she's done.

- Simon, who acted like his favorite toy was taken away when Care Bear was announced as the winner. Listen, Sassy Pants. Stand up like the rest of the judges and be happy for Care Bear. You'll still make your money.

May 19, 2009

American Idol: The Epic Showdown

It's the night we've all been waiting for! The showdown between Care Bear and Adam Fucking Lambert! Or, as Seacrest will tell us, the battle of the guy next door versus the guyliner.

We are at the Nokia Theater in L.A., 7,000 strong. Two are left standing but only one . . . can take it all! (TM Seacrest) This is the final performance show and this . . . is American Idol!

The show opens with a montage of different auditions and we get to see Adam Fucking Lambert's initial meeting with the judges, as well as Care Bear's. Care Bear, complete with his newsboy cap, looks like he's just crossed the country in search of work during the great depression. Adam Fucking Lambert, even pre-Adam Fucking Lambert, still dazzles.

Seacrest trots down the Intergalactic Staircase, which is flashing various shades of blue. Camera pans to a shot of Camryn Manheim (God, The Practice was a good show) and her son who look absolutely thrilled to be there. Hi, Camryn! Camera then pans to a shot of Kara, who looks like she got a whiff of something completely rank.

Seacrest, in his somber gray banker's suit, tells that this is the battle of the acoustic rocker versus the glam rocker, Conway versus California . . . the guy next door versus the guyliner. I think we get the point.

Judges' intro! The one and only Randy Jackson is wearing a brown suit, red checked tablecloth shirt that he surely stole from LRR's outfit earlier this season and a tie designed by Mr. Bubble. The colors and patterns are really wild. I think this showdown is fucking with everybody. Well, thank goodness Randy is still clearly the president of his own fan club. Kara is dressed in some black dress and no straight, severe hair and bangs and that's really all I can say. Paula . . . someone's been at Mystic Tan! Paula is doing her best impersonation of a Prell bottle (remember Prell?) or a happy, gleeful (read: inebriated) little leprechaun who is reading to go skipping and frollicking over the Lambert rainbow. Sassy Pants does not have a Hanes on! Oh my God! He's wearing a gray jacket and button down shirt! Hold me now!

Care Bear and Adam F. Lambert take the stage. Huh, is that Carly "Plant" Smithson? Who are some of these people in the audience? Care Bear is decked out in ripped jeans, a Simon-esque Hanes shirt, pendant and black leather jacket. Adam F. Lambert is dressed for someone's funeral all in black - - black pants, shirt and jacket. Smokin'. Seacrest asks Care Bear "are you ready?" (I assume he's talking about the final performances). Care Bear says "totally!" Geek Patrol unite! Seacrest then asks Adam F. Lambert "are you all set?" Dude, I think Adam F. Lambert was born "all set". Adam says "totally!".

Care Bear won the coin toss lost week and has chosen to perform second tonight (finally, Care Bear gets the pimp spot!) In case there is any question at all that Idol would dare to pull shenanigans (snort!), a film of the actual coin toss is on the big screen above the Intergalactic Staircase. And no, it's not in slow motion with arrows and captions.

Seacrest breaks the evening down for us. Each "guy" will have 3 songs - - his own favorite from the season, a song chosen by the show's creator Simon Fuller and the winner's single, co-written by Kara. Each guy will have three separate phone lines to call in on but only one text number. There will be 4 hours to vote after the show. Seacrest will be in a taffeta ballgown and performing "I Look Pretty" after the performances. Oh wait, maybe he didn't say that. I do notice, however, that Simon and Paula appear to be holding hands during this breakdown. I'll bet Seacrest will talk to Simon about this later!

Seacrest also gives us a heads-up that tomorrow night's finale is scheduled for 2 hours but since the Idol producers can't even wrap up a results show within an hour, there is no way in hell the big finale will finish on time, so adjust your DVRs accordingly. Then Seacrest says we are "lockin' it on Idol". Yeah, I'm not sure either.

In case you wonder what kind of dazzling brilliance Adam F. Lambert brought to the world as a baby, your question is going to be answered! Apparently Adam didn't sleep through the night until he was 18 months old. Yep, his parents deserve sainthood because I would have lost my fucking mind. He was also a screamer, even then. He screamed instead of slept. Per Adam, he was a pain in the ass to take to restaurants because he screamed. Also per Adam, he was hyperactive and bouncing off the walls - -pretty much how he is today. And with that, we're ready to start.

Adam F. Lambert's personal choice is "Mad World" (yay!). The stage is covered in blue light and there is smoke and fog everywhere. And then . . . and then . . . Adam Fucking Lambert is rising above the stage like a Great Intergalactic God of All Things Fucking Amazing. The fog machine is cranking out overtime, a light behind Adam F. Lambert looks like the full moon, Adam is wearing a black duster a la The Matrix and he is a perfect rendition of Count Dragula. I am in flove. His voice is absolutely beautiful and haunting and there is so much emotion, I have chills and feel like I am a better person and the world is a better place just because I am listening to Adam perform this. Not a single bum note, absolutely flawless. I would buy this song by Adam F. Lambert in a heartbeat.

Randy says "yo, yo man, check it out" a few times before anyone stops cheering or cares that he has anything to say. Can you really take seriously a man who has lava lamp bubbles on his tie? So he says THIS. IS. IT. (if he says "you can really sing!" tonight I am flying out to California personally to bitch slap him). He says Adam is showing his sensitive side to start this great duel and "right now . . .that performance . . I love the long coat, you're rocking the long coat . . . I love the fog . . . " (ADD much, Randy?) He gives it an A+ - - an A for Adam! Kara is so happy that Adam chose that song to perform because she knew from that song that not only is Adam an extraordinary singer, he is also an INCREDIBLE. ARTIST. I can tell from Kara's body language as she's saying these things that she is threatening Care Bear to dare to take away Adam's tiara) She says that Adam changes the game up from every other contestant.

Holy shit! Sir Anthony Hopkins in the house! Love you!

Back to judging. Paula tells Adam he looks astonishingly handsome and she is unbelievably proud of him that he is standing on the stage right now.

Anoop! Breakfast Club! Matty G! Douchey Geekey! LRR! Marlboro! Alexis Grace! All in the house!

Paula continues by telling Adam to bask in it, this is your moment. She thought "Mad World" was a great song for him and she loved the way he performed the song. She thought it was a subdued performance and gave us a little taste of what we're going to see. (Because we all want a little taste of Adam F. Lambert) "Brilliant job". Simon said he always thought "Mad World" was Adam's best performance of the season although he thought tonight it was a little bit over theatrical (telling a cow not to moo, Simon?). He said maybe it was the coat (no way! That coat is bad ass!) It reminded Simon of Phantom of the Opera. Randy interjects with "No! Twilight! Twilight!" Seacrest hops and skips out and says "We're off!"
Now we get to see Care Bear as (more of) a wee one. See an Olan Mills portrait of the Care Bear family. Care Bear says he didn't like to sing in front of his family growing up and they would have to pay him a quarter to do so. Smart businessman. Care Bare Momma shows us a coupon he gave her several years ago as a birthday present, made out to "mom" for one guitar performance. Care Bear Momma says this was the best gift ever! This family is so cute I can barely stand it.
Care Bear chose "Ain't No Sunshine" as his song choice. He is on the piano and can his feet touch the pedals? Hee. I even check to see if he's sitting on a phone book. Nope. Anyhow, he's attired in a black leather vest (the bikerish kind, not the douchey, banker kind) and he's busting out the side-mouth movements. He is totally owning that stage right now. I mean, no fog machines, no inky blue lights, no duster . . . but it's all about Care Bear. His voice is rich and emotional and he is every bit as good as he was doing "Ain't No Sunshine" the first time, if not better. Not a single bum note there. Even Simon appears to be clapping his hands grudgingly after that performance.
Randy starts the righteous judging off with his usual "yo!" and his big honking watch. Seriously, I think that sucker is the size of a small car. He tells everyone to "check it out" and then proceeds to talk about the Lakers playing tonight - - what the fuckity fuck, Randy? - - and says the funny thing about Care Bear is that Randy can tell exactly what kind of artist he is and what kind of record (yes, record) he will make. Of course, Randy doesn't tell us what kind of artist or what kind of record that is. He thinks this was one of Care Bear's best performances ever on the Idol stage. Then he says "yes! yes! yes!" I think someone has slipped a Red Bull into Randy's Coke cup. Kara says she's "gotta agree with Randy". She says if you can't feel a Care Bear performance and he doesn't move you, there is something wrong with you. I think she meant to say "if you can't listen to a Care Bear performance" but maybe she did mean "feel". I don't know - - old Aerosmith = "Cryin'" in Kara's world and "Studio 57" versus Studio 54. It's a toss up. Anyhow, she says that Care Bear creates an intimate bond with everyone in the audience and he makes us feel like he is singing directly to us - - and that is SO. HARD. TO. DO and an incredible skill that Care Bear will KILL on your album. Kara is intense tonight. Randy shrieks out a "Yeah!" Paula says that Care Bear awakens the spirit in all of us - - not the dazzling, sequined, feathery spirit that only Adam F. Lambert can awaken, but the corn-fed, middle America, Ford-driving spirit. She says that Care Bear has a unique "Allen-izing" way of trademarking every song he sings and that is a true marking of a great artist. Goodness, Paula is doing some extra tripping over her tongue tonight. Maybe she accidentally drank her spray on tan. Simon says that we just need to remember right now that this is a competition (thanks for the reminder, Simon. Where would we be without you?). He said that when Care Bear's name was announced last week, he wasn't sure that America made the right choice. The audience boos him. But . . . he says he absolutely takes all that back after that performance. Care Bear looks like he might cry tears of stars, snowflakes and rosebuds. Seacrest sashays on out and says that Care Bear has had a rising momentum the last few weeks. He asks his BFF Simon who wins Round 1, Adam F. Lambert or Care Bear? Simon thinks for the briefest moment and gives the title to . . . CARE BEAR! Seacrest says that Round 2 is coming up next . . . ding, ding, ding! No, really, he actually said ding, ding, ding. As in ding dong. Ding bat. Ding-a-ling.
We come break from commercial and Seacrest is out in the audience terrorizing a small child and guaranteeing her therapy for years. How do you explain her eventual inordinate fear of spray-on tan, pearly white veneers and hair gel?
For the producer's choice, Adam F. Lambert will be singing Sam Cooke's "Change is Gonna Come". Adam takes the stage in a gray suit, as he did for his original rendition of "Mad World" that those of us who DVR'd it didn't get to see since the dumbass Powers That Be couldn't end the damn show on time. The only reason I knew he worse a gray suit was due to the powers of You Tube. So Adam is in a suit and he's totally hawt and appealing and I think I want a taste of some Adam F. Lambert now. His voice is smoky, sultry and sex-ay and I am digging the performance. There is a glory note at the end but not a shrieky, screechy one. The camera finds it necessary to get all up in Adam's mouth for that last note - - look, ma, no cavities!
Randy found the song an amazing R&B classic and the real reason that Adam F. Lambert is here - - he is a REAL singer. As opposed to the fake one that got booted last week? Kara thought that may have been Adam's best performance EVAH and thinks that Adam uses both sides of himself in his performances. I'm still trying to work that comment out. Paula thought it was the best she'd ever heard Adam sing - - ever, ever, ever, ever! I think she really liked him, ya'll. She was literally squealing like a Lambertini - - you look like a superstar! She tells him "YOU. WILL. BE. ICONIC." Simon declared Adam 100% back in the game - - as if he was ever out. Seacrest glides out on the stage and grabs Adam's hand in a fit of excitement and glee. He says Paula's into the open bar or something, Simon is wearing buttons and THIS is the Idol finale! What a fight tonight! Game on!
Holy fucking Xenu! Katie Holmes and Suri Klein Jackson Hartnett Cruise are in the audience! What in the name of all that is good are they doing there? Aren't there too many wogs and body thetans infesting their space? So Suri looks her usual ragamuffin self (Tom did promise to give Katie a cat, pan and comb in their ScienoNUTtology wedding vows but obviously never promised Suri a comb) and Katie is holding her hands over Suri's ears. Because the music is too loud? Because someone might hear that daddy isn't "Dada Cruise" and mommy is an ass clown nut job? Katie looks her usual shitastic self, and is smacking gum on top of it. Why do I have the sudden urge to give her my order of grits and toast? Oh, and coffee too.
Care Bear gets saddled with Marvin Gaye's "What's Goin' On" - - it's not a bad song but it's not a "huge" song. So Care Bear takes to the stage with his acoustic guitar and long-sleeved tee, accompanied by a bongo player and drummer. His voice sounds pretty awesome and he is most definitely in his element. I do have to say that in my personal opinion that last note kicked some major ass. Care Bear isn't going down without a fight, people.
Randy says we have ourselves a real live duel competition (his words, not mine) going on here. He says it was a great song choice (so, shout out to Simon Fuller) but it seemed a little bit light for him on the big stage, although it was sung great. I see the Idol bus is revving up for Care Bear. Don't criticize the Bear if you find the song too light - - he didn't choose it. Take Simon Fuller out back and kick the shit out of him. Kara tells Care Bear he has been true to himself from day one and he can perform a song and uplift people, make them think, make them feel and make them change. Uh oh, it sounds like Care Bear is getting close to Adam Fucking Lambert's stage of self-awareness and making the world a better place. Paula says she knows what's going on - - (insert eye wink here because Paula probably has no idea she looks like a limeade self-tanning explosion) - - "you tore that song up and made Marvin Gaye proud!" Simon loved the song but he thought it was like 3 friends sitting around a bedroom strumming along to Marvin Gaye. Harsh. He didn't think Care Bear grabbed ahold of the song and made it his version and it was too laid back for a night like this. Simon, please see my comments to Randy above. Seacrest boogeys out and tells Simon to leave his bedtime stories out of this. Hmmm, Seacrest is acting like a woman scorned. He asks Simon who gets Round 2? Simon says a million percent, Adam F. Lambert.
Back from commercial and Seacrest is surrounded by what he deems "Old School" - - the top 13 (minus Adam Fucking Lambert and Care Bear, naturally) of Season 8. Note to Anoop - - I have heard the rumors that you are "canoodling" with Marlboro. Don't. Stop right now. Step away from the one with the gangrenous arm, the puppeteer moves and the "caw caw".
So the coronation/winner's song this year is some chum called "No Boundaries". As we listen to it being sung by first Adam F. Lambert and then Care Bear, it's patently obvious that it was written with Douchey Geekey in mind. It's right up his alley - - it's hokey, it's cheesy, it's corny - heck, it makes "Endless Love" look like a fucking masterpiece. That being said, it's still worlds better than the dreck I've heard before.
The stage is varying shades of purpley and blue and Adam is in a black jacket that appears to have been manufactured by Lego and white Steven Tyler pants with black drizzles on them. Adam Fucking Lambert, Supastah! Damn, Adam has some big, planet smashing feet. Anyhow, he hits some big notes, again without the trademark Lambert scream. It's a good, solid performance but definitely not his type of song.
Randy has said it like a million times before and he's going to say it again because he thinks we're as stupid as he is - - "dude, you can sing anything! You can sing the phonebook!" He then says that was not one of his favorite performances. He found it light and pitchy in spots. Kara is speaking on behalf of her co-writers when she says it's amazing when someone of Adam's talent sings a song they wrote. She says she is moved, she is proud and thanks Adam for giving her that moment at the end. Adam then thanks Kara for giving him that song to sing, and says it was beautiful. Paula is very proud of Adam. Adjectives can't express what he brought to season 8. Neither can adverbs, they are very tricky for Paula. Heck, words in general can be so tough. She should probably just say Adam takes us to a place spiritually no one else can and call it a day. She tells Adam he can sing whatever he wants and she will be a fan forever and front in line. I have a feeling Paula is usually first in line for last call. Simon elects to judge Adam versus judging the song which he obviously feels is a huge pile of dung. He tells Adam over the entire season he has been one of the best, most original contestants they have ever had on the show and he genuinely believes with all his heart (wait, Simon has a heart?) they have found a worldwide star with Adam.
Enter Seacrest, to steal the moment, and ask Adam if he got the job done tonight. Adam thinks he did - - he thought all three songs were different and he embraced the chance to do a Sam Cooke song, which he wasn't able to do during the regular season. He found it to be a great challenge. Damn, I flove me some Adam Fucking Lambert. Seacrest tells him he's a class act and I agree.
Now it's Care Bear's turn to attempt the Douchey Geekey national anthem. Care Bear is dressed in a serious, long-sleeved button down shirt and he is standing alone on the stage, with just the microphone. No purple. No blue. Little bits and pieces of his performance remind me somewhat of Cookie last season. Care Bear sounds solid and he injects some energy into the middle part of the song. It's different from Adam's . . . but in a good way. He seems very much at home on the stage and I didn't pick up any bum notes or pitch problems . . . but of course, I am not sitting at the Judges' Table of Righteousness.
Randy says Care Bear should be proud of himself for what he has done in the competition. He did think the key was a little high (I think Randy is a little high) and says Care Bear probably couldn't hear himself or whatever. He says Care Bear is an amazing competitor and he has done amazing in this competition. Randy thought the song fit his voice better than Adam's and says "good lookin' out and good luck!" And so ends the final judgery of Randy. Kara doesn't want Care Bear to be judged on that song because she did think it was too high. She wants him to be judged on the fact that she wants to jump him badly. And that he is a compelling artist and he has been an incredible person to watch week after week. She thinks Care Bear has come into his own and congratulates him on an incredible season and she hopes people vote on the season as a whole. Paula tells Care Bear he should just take it all in - - he has done an amazing job and she thought this was one of the most compelling finales and final showdowns ever. She wishes him the best of luck and feels Care Bear deserves to be in the spotlight. Simon felt Care Bear's highlight tonight was the first song he sang but watching him onstage tonight was incredible because Simon remembered his first audition, with no confidence and unsure of how good he was. Simon feels he thoroughly, thoroughly deserves to be standing on the stage tonight - - congratulations.
Seacrest dances out and states that there have been some emotional Wednesdays on Idol throughout the season and wants to know if Care Bear did enough. He asks Care Bear if he will take the title tomorrow night. Care Bear says that he and Adam aren't competing, they were coming out tonight to give a good show and he hopes they did that.
Adam Fucking Lambert joins Care Bear on the stage and they proclaim to be great friends and finger the other as the next American! Idol!
So who will win it all? I can't call it. No contest that Adam Fucking Lambert is the better performer and stage presence overall but Care Bear is more middle of the road and more generically marketable.
Personally, I would be happy with whoever is chosen. I flove both of them, they are both talented and both seem like down-to-earth, good guys that I would love to hang out with.
Tune in Wednesday night for the results . . . and don't forget to set your DVR for at least 15 minutes' extra time!

May 18, 2009

Is the Greatest Fauxmance of the Century Coming to an End?

The Queens of Tabloid Fuckery

If you believe Blind Gossip, Armageddon Cruise-style is coming soon to a tabloid near you!

The word on the street is that Katie has gotten herself a lawyer and served The Tiny One with dissolution of contract papers, to be followed by dissolution of marriage. She is supposedly asking for custody of Suri and The Tiny One is allegedly quivering in his four-inch-heeled tennies over the dirt she could reveal on him. Interesting indeed.

Let's start with the obvious. This assumes that Katie has a spine. Questionable prospect in itself. Katie appeared to have checked her spine at the door when she signed on the dotted line. Has the chick even said more than three sentences on her own since "hooking up with" and sham-marrying Tom? Everything has either been a press release or sounded so robotic I can actually picture Katie repeating the lines in the mirror at home, with Tom standing behind her and smacking her on the head (from his stepladder) with a pencil every time she blunders.

Second, I have no doubt that Katie has dirt on Tom. You couldn't possibly associate with all that craziness and fuckery for 4 years and not have quite a few stories to spill. The real debate is whether or not Katie would spill them. Besides being afraid of the Scieno-mafia coming after you, I would think that (for example) revealing that your relationship was a sham from the get-go and The Tiny One was and is allegedly carrying on relationships with other males might not show Katie in the best light. After all, if she willingly entered into a contractual relationship, it hardly makes her into a scorned spouse, does it?

The issue of Suri throws the whole thing into a PR stratosphere we have yet to see. Katie supposedly wants custody, which makes sense as I believe Katie is Suri's only biological relative represented in the Blind Gossip item. Based on how often Isabella and Connor Cruise see their mother, Nicole Kidman, I think it would be a safe bet to assume that Tom likes having primary custody and likes being in control. As often as he (and Katie) have used Suri for publicity in the last two years alone, there is no way in Xenu's universe that he is going to hand over the keys to the candy shop so easily. Further, if it is revealed that Katie willingly and knowingly entered into a contractual relationship with Tom, what does that say about Suri exactly? That Katie knowingly and willingly agreed to bear a child for a man she had no intention of staying with for the long term? Or that she had a child fathered by someone else that she knew was not Tom's (allegedly) and would hand over to the Church of Scientology when the contract was up?

I think we all know Tom and Katie are not in it for the long haul. I also think we all know that Tom has been the worst thing professionally for Katie, and Tom has been the worst thing professionally for Tom. I also don't think Katie has really done any favors for Tom. Suri has been the only positive thing, PR-wise, for either party and it appears that the general public is starting to get tired of seeing Suri day after day, clearly not enjoying the media attention while her ass clown parental units mug for the cameras.

Do I think Katie has grown a spine and officially served Tom? No. I think she intends to fulfill her contract and collect as much money as she can. And despite her craptastic shit-on-a-stick appearance, I think she enjoys whatever perks are left being Mrs. Tom Cruise. After all, would Katie Holmes of "Dawson's Creek" fame have been invited to the White House correspondents' dinner or to speak in Washington, D.C. Memorial Day concert?

Barbara Stager Denied Parole

Convicted murderer Barbara Stager today

I am a bit late reporting this news but I am overjoyed to hear it.

Convicted killer Barbara Stager was denied parole in March for the first degree shooting death of her husband, Russ, in 1988. Stager was convicted in 1989, sentenced to death and resentenced in 1993, with the death penalty being overturned in favor of life imprisonment. This was her first parole hearing.

If you have never heard of this case, I highly recommend that you pick up Jerry Bledsoe's Before He Wakes, a chilling recounting of Barbara Stager's life and crimes. Not only does Bledsoe, a North Carolina resident himself, dig deep into Russ and Barbara Stager's marriage, but also that of Barbara's first marriage - - to Larry Ford, father of her two sons and also a husband who ended up dead from a gunshot wound in their marital bed. For the record, Barbara was never charged in Larry's death and it was not allowed to be introduced into her trial for Russ' murder.

This woman is a cold, calculating killer who put financial gain ahead of family and love. She collected hundreds of thousands of dollars upon her husbands' deaths and for that, she should have received the death penalty in my opinion. Is there anything worse than a family member killing another for money? Greed isn't one of the seven deadly sins for nothing.

Stager is eligible for parole in 2012 and here's hoping justice for Russ Stager (and Larry Ford, although not through the courts) continue to be served.

Did Anyone Watch Farrah's Story?

It aired on NBC Friday night and again over the weekend on Oxygen. On Friday night, it garnered 8.9 million viewers - - NBC's highest rated Friday night program in its time slot in over a year, excluding the Olympics.

As much as I used to have a little girl crush on Fawcett (and Jill Munroe) and as much as I admire her battle now, I couldn't bring myself to watch it. It felt as though it would be intrusive and most certainly depressing.

I am curious to know if anyone did watch it, what did they think?

May 15, 2009

Psychotic Book Review: "Columbine" by Dave Cullen

Just in time for the tenth anniversary (of sorts) of the massacre at Columbine High School in Colorado comes the book Columbine by journalist Dave Cullen. Cullen is considered a leading authority on the Columbine killers and this book proves beyond a doubt that somewhat dubious honor is absolutely correct.

Rather than labeling Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold as simply "killers", Cullen devotes a great portion of the book to them. Their backgrounds, their family lives and what drove them to commit such a terrible act give far greater insight into their dysfunctions and personality disorders than I have read to date.

Columbine is a well-written and well-researched account the events that day. Cullen takes the reader on a step-by-step accounting of what Harris and Klebold did, as well as their victims. He is quick to acknowledge that the Harris and Klebold families have been just as victimized as the 12 students and one teacher slain that day but does not absolve Harris and Klebold themselves of any guilt. The surviving families of the 12 students and teacher felled by Harris and Klebold are given a voice as well. Their day to day struggles after the tragedy are outlined, as well as the 20+ students who were injured but survived.

Columbine turns out the light on the well-reported story that Cassie Bernall became a martyr by declaring her allegiance to God before she was executed without sullying her reputation or those of her family. Columbine also gives focus to teacher Dave Sanders who heroic actions that day have never gotten enough press, in my opinion. Mr. Sanders could have left the school with a group of students he safely saw out but instead returned to attempt to save others and lost his life in the process. The horror of him bleeding to death over the more than three hours following his shooting and the SWAT team's entering the school is as painful to me at this moment as when I read it.

What shocked me the most about Columbine was how terribly the media changed the public's perception on Columbine and the perpetrators. Despite popular belief, Harris and Klebold weren't bullied (in fact, they just as often did the bullying), they weren't longtime friends, they weren't members of a so-called "Trenchcoat Mafia" and they weren't both psychotics hellbent on destruction. Eric Harris was, and descriptions of his website and journal writings are chilling - - but Dylan Klebold, up until the days before the attack, filled his journal with writings of love, desperately seeking what he felt was unattainable for him.

And so Columbine left me deeply saddened. Saddened that 15 lives (including those of Harris and Klebold) were lost, ruthlessly, maddeningly and without reason. Saddened that the local authorities as well as counselors and therapists had been alerted to Harris' growing psychopathy and yet he was not stopped. Saddened that Dylan Klebold himself reported Eric Harris and his violent and threatening website and no action was taken. Saddened that, in my view, Dylan Klebold may have been able to have been saved.

If not read for the fine journalism and reporting, Columbine should be read as a cautionary tale. A cautionary tale of a teenage psychotic who finagled and finessed his way out of every situation, who was so depraved he wanted the human race to be obliterated and whose eventual "kinship" with an angry depressive led to a violent explosion that stole 15 lives and forever tainted Columbine High School.

May 14, 2009

America Puts the "Go" in Gokey

Thank you, Jeebus, it's finally happened! Our prayers, our dreams, our fondest desires (well, those without George Clooney and/or Johnny Depp) have been answered and come true!

On Wednesday night, the death knell finally rung for that eternal King of Cheese, Douchey Geekey!

Of course we had to wait fifty-five seeming endless fucking minutes to get the happy news but it was worth it to say goodbye to the "Master Ass" of vocals.

The only people crying over this loss, I think, are the stockholders of LensCrafters who had hoped Douchey's planned world takeover eyeglass by eyeglass failed miserably. Oh, and maybe Kara, who looked utterly shocked that there are citizens in America who refused to tolerate this injustice and fuckery any longer.

With Douchey finally being shown the door, that leaves Care Bear and Adam Fucking Lambert to battle it out in what is surely the duel of the century. Who do you pick? The cute, cuddly smooth voiced Care Bear from Arkansas with the weepy father or the Prince of the Magical Forest with the strut, swagger and a high note that would make cabaret queens and Steven Tyler cry?

May 13, 2009

American Idol Top 3: Adam is Cryin', Care Bear is Heartless and Douchey is Still Here

This . . . is . . . American Idol's 300th show! Yeah, I know, hold back the yawns.

Tonight our remaining three Idolizers - - or should I say, my remaining two Idolizers and some douchey interloper - - will be singing the Judges' Choice (also known as The Battle of the Egos, according to Seacrest) and their own personal choice. Right now, I am calling that Douchey Geekey will choose to sing some overblown, sadsack, corny and emotionally stunted song because we all know that's what he excels at.

Seacrest geeks his way down the Intergalactic Staircase. Glad to see he's still patronizing the local tanning booth as well as using those Crest Whitestrips.

The judges, in all their righteousness, are introduced. Randy is wearing a navy blue cardigan with white pinstripes. I swear, I have a sweater almost identical to that. I look way cooler in it though. He's also wearing matching navy blue rimmed eyewear. I think Douchey has started an eyeglass trend that has gone too far now. Randy is also wearing his candy necklace and bracelet. Sweet. Kara is wearing her hair stick straight and bangs in her face. Don't likey. It makes her look harsh. I'm worried she is going to be bitchy tonight solely based on the hair. Paula is super sparkly in a black sparkly thing. She jumps up from her chair upon introduction and does a quasi-twirl. Sassy Pants is in his usual white Hanes undershirt.

Seacrest brings the Top 3 out - - Douchey in a douchey shirt, with Tuff Skins jeans and a dumb ass wallet chain hanging out. He is trying so hard to look relevant. It's funny. Care Bear is cute and cuddly in his little jeans and jacket. Adam Fucking Lambert is in a toned down grayish-silverish long sleeved shirt and jeans and looks somewhat subdued.

We are subjected to a brief film about the "Hometown Heroes" - - see Adam F. Lambert in San Diego, with crowds going crazy. Hee, no film with the half-naked girl who threw herself at him. See Care Bear being cute in Arkansas. See Douchey . . . oh wait, they totally cut his film off. Ha ha ha!!

I guess Seacrest got the memo about there being only 60 minutes for Idol and therefore no time for idle chit chat on Douchey. Let's get right to it!

So finally Douchey gets the Craptastic First Slot. Paula is the judge assigned to him and she gives him Terence Trent D'Arby's "Dance Little Sister". I'm sure he will fuck this up, although I expected her to give him something in the "Endless Love" or "Hero" range. Anyhow, Douchey is Douchey, what can we say at this point? There is no "Dream On" scream, thank God (although my cat Sparky absolutely refused to be in the room while Idol was on tonight, go figure). But Douchey, even when he's not being totally offensive and totally off-key, is just a big bag of meh to me. I will say that if he ever does that chicken dance pelvic thrust thing again he should be shot. He's just too Geekey to pull those moves off. Adam Fucking Lambert, he is not. And why does he sound so breathy and gaspy? Is he still trying to catch his breath from last week's hatchet job? So not impressed. Paula is doing her drunk dancing and Randy is actually fist pumping.

Of course, the judges are. They have been drinking the Douchey Geekey juice for weeks. Randy says "let the games begin!" (what games? Mind games? Assault on the ears games? Douchey Games?) and says something about Douchey performing like crazy. Randy may be on to something there, although I would say that Douchey is performing to the judges and the crowd like crazy - - borderline acting. Because he sure ain't singing. Randy also either thinks Douchey's song was "dope!" or Douchey himself is. I vote for the latter. Kara says something stupid and totally irrelevant about a money spot but then dings Douchey on his dancing. She says he was too gyrating (I say too annoying and spastic) and his performance won't be remembered tomorrow. Paula thought it was really good and tells Douchey it was a fantastic job. Of course she does. Paula picked the song. Douchey could sit on the stage, yank his back leg up and tongue bathe himself and Paula would see the magic in Douchey's actions. Sassy Pants deemed Douchey's dancing "desperate" - - although this isn't a dancing show, in case you can't remember. It's a singing competition and a stage for dead wives and cheesefests. Simon says that it was vocally very good although he thought the saxophone solo in the middle was problematic, as it sounded like a toy saxophone. I thought the sax solo was problematic in that Douchey attempted to sing against the sax and roundly lost. He also thought it was the wrong song choice. Take that, Ms. Abdul.

In order to simply things a bit, I am going to analyze both song choices and performances together.

So Douchey's second song and personal pick was (naturally) Joe Cocker's "You are So Beautiful". What a shocker. Of course this big windbag of cheese would choose this song. If he could get away with it, I really think he would sing to himself - - "Did you ever know, I'm my herooooo. . . . ." Seriously. The guy claps for himself, it's not a big jump. And he can't answer a simple question from a simpleton like Seacrest with a simple response. He has to give a long, drawn out, over-analytical response. God, I cannot stand him. Example, when Seacrest does his usual "why did you choose this song or that song", Douchey has the nerve to say that he doesn't listen to other people's opinions. Clearly obvious based on the fact that he didn't take the advice of one single mentor this season.

Anyhow, Douchey's second performance. Starts off slow and gaspy. Surprising, I know. It's almost depressing in the lack of any emotion or "uuummmpphh" it has going on. Leave it to Douchey though, he must go and church it up. I will say the last note is decent and on a Douchey-Meter Scale it places fairly well - - although the bar is set so low that Adam Fucking Lambert could come out with strep throat and attempt any Mariah Carey song (which are usually the bane of my existence) and still score higher than any of Douchey's best efforts. Because Douchey has the personality of a sad, wet noodle.

Randy says "check it out, check it out" like a thousand times and then says "Beautiful" was an amazing song and "you can really, really, really sing!" Seriously? Aren't we past this, Randy? This is the Top 3 . . . out of 100,000, as Seacrest reminded us earlier. I would hope the Top 3 can really sing - - although I do have doubts about Douchey. Randy also thinks Douchey has mad vocals. I think Randy is mad. Kara said that everything he didn't do in the first performance he did in the second. She thought it was "stunning" (yeah, stunningly boring and dull) and "amazing" (what's going to be amazing is when Joe Cocker kicks Douchey's ass). Paula thinks Douchey left us all breathless. I think Douchey left himself breathless because he's still gasping. She says that this song allowed Douchey to perform his magic (provided you consider his magic coming out on stage, digging up the memory of your dead wife and pandering to the judges and viewing audience in the most toolish way possible). Simon loves the song itself and thought it wasn't necessary for Douchey to change the arrangement. He thought it would have worked with just Douchey and a piano. Then of course Kara has to get all buttinsky and screech at Simon because Simon apparently doesn't know about arrangements, whatever. Does anyone care? Simon does say that it was a "vocal master class". I think he meant "vocal master ass". And oh yeah - - Douchey changed his outfit, at least the top portion. He still has the Tuff Skins jeans but now has a "serious" shirt, tie and vest. WTH? He looks like a douchey banker on his lunch hour.

Care Bear is sandwiched in the middle of this sausage fest, yet again. Poor Care Bear. How mean are TPTB to constantly kick the Bear? Unfortunately for Care Bear, Randy and Kara were assigned to select his song and they selected One Republic's "Apologize". Care Bear performs it on the piano and it's really fairly solid. I mean, you can't really change it up that much. Overall, I found it to be a good performance, nothing to get excited or offended about. Definitely no chicken dancing manuevers.

Randy thinks this shows the kind of artist that Care Bear can be. Kara thought it was a competent performance but believes he should be "swinging" it out of the park by now and taking more chances. I don't think Kara is thinking about music when she's thinking about what is "swinging". Paula says she is used to Care Bear taking artistic license with his song choices and while she heard a bum note that was loud, she is still proud of Care Bear. What the fuck, Paula? Douchey's performance last week consisted of nothing but bum notes and he gets an A+++ for effort and Care Bear gets thrown under the bus? Simon thinks that Kara is a cop out. Love! He thinks she's all kinds of wrong for choosing the song for Care Bear to perform and then blaming him. He feels Kara didn't hold up to her own responsibilities. Kara retorts with asking Simon if he ever arranged a song himself. Simon thinks that if Kara and Randy wanted Care Bear to perform this song with a guitar versus a piano they should have said so. Ridiculous on its face but I'm still siding with Simon. Just 'cause. Paula responds with typical Idol maturity and sticks her fingers in her ears and says LALALALALALALA. Well, thank goodness this is all about CARE BEAR and his performance.

Care Bear's second song is his version of Kanye West's "Heartless" and when I heard this, I honestly thought my little Care Bear was going to be annihilated. However, Care Bear hits this one out of the park. This should make the judges STFU about "artistry" and "arrangements" and whatever other b.s. they are so fond of spouting. Care Bear takes care of business. And he does so in a most excellent black sparkly shirt. And why did he choose "Heartless"? "Because it's fun." Love me some Care Bear. And that last note was spot on.

Randy says this is one of the toughest voting nights in history. He likes Care Bear's version BETTER than The Fray's and better than Kanye's! Go, Care Bear! He also says "you are in it to win it!" Kara found it bold, brave and fearless to stand on the stage with an acoustic guitar and perform that song. She said Care Bear was 100% with his tone, pitch and phrasing. Paula thinks Care Bear is the bravest artist for singing a song about Simon Cowell. Ha! Paula made a funny. She says performances like this one are what keep Care Bear relevant - - and by doing something different. She commends Care Bear and gives him a "bravo". Simon is going to be honest (that's nice) and says after what he thought was a lame song choice for Care Bear, he had written him out - - that, however, all changed after that performance. Whoo hoo, Care Bear!

Adam Fucking Lambert gets the Pimp Position again - - yes, I am blinded by the brilliance that is Adam Fucking Lambert but even I can see the major pimpage going on. Simon has chosen Adam's song and he has chosen U2's "One". He also makes sure to inform us that he personally spoke to Bono to get permission to use the song and Bono was delighted over Adam Fucking Lambert performing his song. So Seacrest asks Sassy Pants why he chose "One" and Simon says it's one of his favorite songs. So Adam takes the stage in a faded denim shirt, which is still brilliant, of course, and the stage is full of darkness and a piano is accompanying Adam and Adam is stripped down without his guyliner or electrifying hair. He starts out slow and it's truly beautiful. Baby Jesus is crying, ya'll. And then . . . Adam Lambertizes it. And . . . I'm not sure I like it. Now I flove me some Adam F. Lambert as much as a redneck loves RC Cola and Twinkie wedding cakes but . . something just isn't right. I know, I know. Adam Fucking Lambert is not dazzling me with his brilliance and earth saving voice of angels. It's just too much somehow, as if Adam Fucking Lambert could ever be too much. And I don't believe I'm mistaken but I think Adam just tonguefucked the camera, very Lizard King like.

So Randy says "DUDE" and Adam is still in the zone. The cabaret zone? The high kicking zone? He says Adam is one of the hottest 3 in the competition. That Randy. So smaaaaart. Next thing he'll be saying "you can really, really sing!" Oh wait, he already said that. Kara found Adam's performance "unbelievable" and was amazed at how he could totally change up "One". I am too. I'm curious to know what Bono thinks. Paula claims her life is miserable for Simon's gloating over the song choice and Adam's rendition of it. She does say that it was "brilliant" and she's looking at the next American Idol. Holy crap, pimp and predict much? Simon found "One" to be a brilliant song choice (no surprise there) and Adam worked it out. He said that if Adam wasn't in the final, it would be one of the biggest upsets in the show's tainted and set-up history. Okay, well, I added "tainted" and "set-up".

Adam did add in his little after-talk with Seacrest that the lyrics to "One" are truly beautiful and everyone should go back and listen to them. Which we should all do immediately as the Unicorn King has decreed.

So Adam's second song is Aerosmith's "Cryin'" and if Adam had said he was going to do Aerosmith's "Dream On", I may very well have laughed myself to death at the obvious slight against Douchey. Adam says he's going to twist it up a bit to make it his own, but that Steven Tyler is "the man". True that. Adam also says he wants to do Mr. Tyler proud. Here's hoping!

Adam swaggers out on stage in rocker gear and . . . someone needs to take the Red Bull or Monster away from the backup singer because she is way, way too loud. When you can't hear Adam Fucking Lambert singing to Baby Jesus and the angels in heaven, you're hitting those pipes a wee bit too loud. BTW, heard a rumor that Adam was supposedly going to sing "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak. I. WOULD. HAVE. LOST. MY. SHIT. if he had. I love this song with a seriousness that is unequaled. I don't think Paula loves her Vodka and Vicodin as much as I love this song. And I think it would have been fucking perfect for Adam to sing this - - provided he kept in his lower register and didn't try to bust out the glory note.

But I digress because he didn't sing that awesome song. "Cryin'" is probably pretty perfect for Adam. He hits the big Adam F. Lambert glory note at the end and the audience goes wild.

Randy says Adam is one of the best contestants they have ever had. He loves this performance even more than "One". He tells Adam he should be a rock star. Kara wants to know, yet again, how Adam hits those high notes. I think he may be grabbing or pinching something you don't have, sweetheart. She found it "amazing" and expects to see him at the final. Paula says that Adam sets the bar so high in the sky (because that's where unicorns and angels fly), she hopes that he collected frequent flyer miles. Simon says he is not going to suck up the way RaKaPa did but says it's very easy to assume he will sail through. He basically tells the viewing audience to vote for Adam F. Lambert because he deserves it based on talent.

Seacrest skips over and asks Adam how he thought he did. Seacrest, please. That's like asking God what he thought about what he did on the sixth day. Adam says that Douchey Geekey and Care Bear did really well and it's just an honor to be in their company. Awwwwwww.

To sum it up: Douchey served up a slice of pithy pizza with extra cheese. Care Bear refused to let the Idol bus run him over and gave a big F.U. to the judges with "Heartless". Adam failed to shine his usual brilliance but still outdazzles Douchey even on his worst day. And the producers suck ass because they STILL can't manage to get this show in on time!

May 8, 2009

21 and 22, respectively

Seriously, something must be in the water, at least at the Hogan and Lohan households.

Brooke Hogan, daughter of ignoramus dickhead Hulk Hogan and older sister of cry baby shit driver Marine assaulter Nick Hogan, just turned 21. Yes, 21. And that's 21 in human years, not dog years. I think BEAT is an understatement.

Lindsay Lohan is currently 22, turning 23 this summer. Yes, it seems like we've been inundated with Lindsay's hijinks, drug problems, sexual partners and overall whacked lifestyle for a lot longer than just the several years we have.

Other than Ali Lohan, who is still technically a minor, are these two the oldest looking females under the age of 23 in Hollywood? In the States?

Can you imagine if Dina Lohan and Hulk Hogan got together to compare notes?
"My daughter ran over some guy's foot!"
"Oh yeah? My son put a Marine in an irreversible coma!"
"My daughter has probably gangbanged an entire contingent of Marines!"
"My daughter could beat the shit out of a Marine . . . in fact, she may even have a penis."
"Well, my daughter doesn't like penises this week."
Good times!



Ali Lohan is Going to Be Really Dumb

Ali, last May, at 14. Yes, 14.

Assuming she hasn't maxed out her stupid quotient already, that is.

Mother of the Year and General Boil on the Ass of Society Dina Lohan tells us all not worry about little ole Ali. She's told The New York Daily News that 45, I mean 15, year old Ali is being homeschooled by none other than Dina herself. Great. So Ali may not know much about American history, adjectives and pronouns but she'll know loads about cocaine, champagne and Valium!

“She is home schooled,” Dina Lohan tells the Daily News. “I’m a firm believer in staying in school but, in the business, it’s gotten difficult for Ali to be in school.”

People, please refresh my memory. What exactly does Ali do "in the business"? I know she was on that shitty reality show with her mother last year but other than that, all I've seen her do is pose for some stupid photo shoot in New York last winter and run around with her skanky, drugged out older sister.

Dina claims school is a little tougher for Ali - - I'm sure it would be for a 15 year old who looks 45 (and a BEAT 45), seems to have an IQ roughly at the same equivalent and Lindsay Lohan for an older sister - - and Ali herself reportedly complained of being bullied during that craptastic reality show.

Doesn't everyone have a tough time in high school? I'm not saying bullying is okay, because it certainly is not. But wouldn't the answer be to get Ali a new mom and new sister, versus taking her out of school?

Regardless of what Dina says, I don't believe for a moment Ali is truly being schooled in anything other than how to grow up and be as big a media whore as her sister.

“I grew up watching Lindsay, and it made me want to do what she does,” Ali told Teen Vogue last year. “Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you … it’s so cool when people look up to you.”

Sad. And stupid. Her sister has basically had multiple public meltdowns, run-ins with the law, drug problems, penis overload problems and professional problems - - and Ali wants to be just like her? The stupid apple certainly doesn't fall far from the stupid tree.

As a final thought, Dina added “People are saying I took Ali to a club, which is absurd. I don’t go to clubs and I wouldn’t take a 15-year-old to one.”

Absolutely not! Dina will wait until Ali is 16.

Prayers to Farrah Fawcett

O'Neal and Fawcett in happier times
Source: Yahoo News

This is sadness for a Friday.

Farrah Fawcett has been battling cancer for the last two years but her medical condition is apparently much more dire than has previously been let on.

Longtime partner and father of her son, Ryan O'Neal has told People magazine that Farrah is bedridden, can only speak a few words and has lost her famous golden hair. He also stated that her treatment has pretty much ended and she is being kept on IVs for nourishment.

I am not a doctor nor any type of medical professional but it seems that when no treatment is being administered and IVs are provided for nourishment, the end is very close.

"Access Hollywood" reported last night that Farrah's 91 year old father has been flown to L.A. from his Texas home in order to be at her bedside. It's also been reported in various other media outlets that Farrah's son Redmond has been allowed to leave the jail where he is currently serving time on a drug charge to spend time with her.

For me, Farrah will always be Charlie's Angel Jill Munroe. When I was little, I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I even had the Charlie's Angels dolls and wanted the famous Farrah flip-do (although my dad had me get the Dorothy Hamill bowl cut).

Farrah managed to leave the stereotypical Jill Munroe behind, in my opinion, with her moving and emotional performance in The Burning Bed in 1985 - - a television movie that is still hard to watch, even today. And she did a great job, alongside O'Neal, playing convicted child killer Diane Downs, in Small Sacrifices.

Thoughts and prayers go to Farrah as well as the Fawcett and O'Neal families. She has always seemed like a trooper and I'm sure continues to be strong.