May 8, 2009

Ali Lohan is Going to Be Really Dumb

Ali, last May, at 14. Yes, 14.

Assuming she hasn't maxed out her stupid quotient already, that is.

Mother of the Year and General Boil on the Ass of Society Dina Lohan tells us all not worry about little ole Ali. She's told The New York Daily News that 45, I mean 15, year old Ali is being homeschooled by none other than Dina herself. Great. So Ali may not know much about American history, adjectives and pronouns but she'll know loads about cocaine, champagne and Valium!

“She is home schooled,” Dina Lohan tells the Daily News. “I’m a firm believer in staying in school but, in the business, it’s gotten difficult for Ali to be in school.”

People, please refresh my memory. What exactly does Ali do "in the business"? I know she was on that shitty reality show with her mother last year but other than that, all I've seen her do is pose for some stupid photo shoot in New York last winter and run around with her skanky, drugged out older sister.

Dina claims school is a little tougher for Ali - - I'm sure it would be for a 15 year old who looks 45 (and a BEAT 45), seems to have an IQ roughly at the same equivalent and Lindsay Lohan for an older sister - - and Ali herself reportedly complained of being bullied during that craptastic reality show.

Doesn't everyone have a tough time in high school? I'm not saying bullying is okay, because it certainly is not. But wouldn't the answer be to get Ali a new mom and new sister, versus taking her out of school?

Regardless of what Dina says, I don't believe for a moment Ali is truly being schooled in anything other than how to grow up and be as big a media whore as her sister.

“I grew up watching Lindsay, and it made me want to do what she does,” Ali told Teen Vogue last year. “Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you … it’s so cool when people look up to you.”

Sad. And stupid. Her sister has basically had multiple public meltdowns, run-ins with the law, drug problems, penis overload problems and professional problems - - and Ali wants to be just like her? The stupid apple certainly doesn't fall far from the stupid tree.

As a final thought, Dina added “People are saying I took Ali to a club, which is absurd. I don’t go to clubs and I wouldn’t take a 15-year-old to one.”

Absolutely not! Dina will wait until Ali is 16.

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