July 17, 2009

An Open Letter to Jada Pinkett Smith

Dear Ms. Pinkett Smith:

Normally I don't much give you the time of day because, well - -let's face it - - you're not in the news much. Unless you talk about your sex life with your husband. Which is happening more and more often.

Look, I understand how the Hollywood game is played. Publicity is necessary when you're not an A-lister. Which you're not. Not by what you've accomplished and not by who you're married to. And would you kindly pass along that little tidbit to your good friend and tigress Katie Holmes? Because I have a sneaking suspicion she believes she's A list and I think she's delusional enough, as is, being married to someone like Tom Cruise and thinking looking 55 when you're 30 is somehow hot and relevant.

Anyhow, I digress. Let's get back to you. I know that you have a new series out that you (and your show's producers) are anxious to promote. Some nursing show, I think, but I'm really not certain because I don't watch it. I would say it's nothing personal but honestly, it is. Partly because you tend to overshare when you give interviews or just open your mouth.

I have a feeling that the producers of your show would much rather you talk about why you chose that particular show to work on, what you like about your character, why people should watch it, how fabulous your co-stars are . . . are you getting my drift? I don't think those producers feel it's necessary for you to overshare about how active and abundant your sex life is with Will. I know I personally don't feel it's necessary.

If you have an active sex life, good for you. If Will has an active sex life, good for him. I believe you probably do - - but with your constant diarrhea of the mouth and inability to censor yourself, I also believe that while both you and Will have active sex lives, it's not necessarily with each other. Again, Ms. Pinkett-Smith, I do know how things work in Hollywood.

That said, if you don't care about what the general public thinks (and I am speaking for them right now), think about your children. Most children don't want to even think that their parents have had sex at all. Maybe once, to conceive them, but that's it. Your children are at an age where they hear what you say and, more importantly, their friends hear what you say. Don't you ever stop to think that you may be embarrassing them, with all this talk about sex and kissing and backseats of the limos, etc.?

Maybe you should take a page from your husband's playbook. He tends to be a lot more reticent and tactful when speaking in interviews. Don't get me wrong, he's had his moments too. And his so-called friendship with Tom Cruise certainly didn't do him any favors. But he doesn't seem to rub me the wrong way the way you do - - and I don't find myself wanting to break his jaw and yell at him to shut the fuck up every time I see a snippet of an interview with him.

I hope this letter has been helpful to you and I hope I stated my points clearly and in a manner you can understand. I'm sure if there is any confusion, you will grab your handy dictionary and immediately achieve another OT level by doing so. But secretly, of course, because honestly does anyone these days want to publicly proclaim to be a Scientologist?

So let's try and be tactful with our next interview, okay? Just stick to topics like your new t.v. show and . . . hmmm . . . maybe just the t.v. show is good for now. And could you please tell that tigress Katie Holmes to never allow her so-called husband to do the "single ladies dance" again?

Thanking you in advance,


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