December 2, 2009

Guest Post: Author Barbora Knobova

It's a busy day around here today because I am pleased to welcome our second author of the day, Barbora Knobova, author of Tales for Delicious Girls, to Psychotic State!  Welcome aboard, Barbora!

Do You Have A JB In Your Life?

by Barbora Knobova

When someone asks me about the characters of my book, Tales for Delicious Girls, usually they are curious especially about JB. Why? Because he is the only character that appears in two chapters (The Man Who Ran Away From A Taxi and The Man Who Undressed To His Boxer Shorts). And also because many women have had a JB in their life. Do you remember Mr. Big?

Such a man keeps disappearing from your life and then reappearing again. He doesn't want to "keep you" (settle down, commit to a real relationship), but he won't let you off his radar either. He is usually incredibly sexy, incredibly charming, he makes you feel butterflies in your stomach and your legs feel wobbly each time you see him or hear his voice. You are incredibly happy with him for a while but then, when you least expect it, he hurts you. Again and again. His is a chameleon, he is unpredictable, it's hard (if not impossible) to get under his skin. Being with him is addictive. He becomes your drug - you know it hurts you but you cannot get enough of it. And one day you realize that in order to save yourself, you need to get away from him. Forever. Which can be very hard because he doesn't want to let you go. And a part of you still believes that you are meant to be, that you would be great together. If only he understood. If only he could see it. If only he... changed.

If you still believe in a fairy-tale happy ending and if you still hope that one day your JB comes to his senses and realizes that you are the love of his life, maybe you should reconsider it. JBs hardly ever change their ways unless they want to change for their own good. This revelation usually comes when they get lonely and when they grow tired of their own life. And even when they start feeling this way, many men won't act upon it, simply because they either see it as a weakness or they are afraid or embarrassed to ask for help.

The fear of commitment is usually rooted in the subconscious mind and can have many causes. Maybe your JB grew up with a despotic father and a submissive mother and he sees women as inferior human beings. Or he grew up with a dominant mother and he takes out his fear and frustration on the women he dates. Or he suffered a bad heartbreak and the idea of opening up scares him. Be it as it may, you cannot change your relationship with this guy unless he decides to deal with his inner issues.

My advice is: Give your JB one last chance. Tell him what bothers you and explain what you would like your relationship to be like. Make it absolutely clear that either he decides to be a part of your life and work on himself, or you will find a man who will give you what you need and make you happy. Chances are he wakes up, chances are he doesn't. But if he doesn't, stick to your decision. If you feel that a new start is too difficult with him around, ask him not to contact you anymore and cut him off, at least for a while.

Relationships with JBs are toxic and painful. They drain your energy, they harm your self-esteem and they prevent you from finding true happiness. If a committed, balanced and healthy relationship is what you are after, do yourself a favor and look for a man who is not afraid of giving love and receiving love. Who is there for you when you need him. Whom you can trust. You deserve it, don't you?

About author Barbora Knobova:

Barbora Knobova is a writer, relationship coach and expert in Delicious Life. A world traveler, she is one of those rare world citizens who live everywhere and nowhere. Barbora is a firm believer in female friendship, loyalty and bonding. She writes hilarious, sharp-witted, caustically apt, ironic, moving, true books for strong, independent, smart, fearless women. Barbora has also written several self-improvement books and teaches women about the importance of self-love in relationships and life in general. Barbora speaks eight languages and has found her home away from home in New York, London and Milan. She is always on the move, accompanied by her beagle Brinkley, the nasty dog from her new book, Tales for Delicious Girls.

Tales for Delicious Girls on -

So how many of us have or had a JB in our lives?  I'm raising my hand.  Guilty.  However, I got rid of my JB and improved my life.  Unhappy with him, unhappy without him will eventually settle into "someone I knew then" and much happier without him. 

Thank you, Barbora!  Readers, be sure and check back tomorrow for my review of Barbora's Tales for Delicious Girls!


Tales of Whimsy said...

I had a JB in my life many moons ago when I was a young single gal.
My say?
Good riddance.
JB's tend to have Peter Pan syndrome.

This book sounds interesting.

Anonymous said...

I had a JB in my life back in high school. Thank goodness we were young enough that ties broke off naturally (with a bit of a push from me). He had a lot of growing up to do. (And me too, of course.)