But of course . . .

So not surprising. Kim and Big Poppa are no longer together on "The (Un) Real Housewives of Atlanta". It's very disappointing they didn't show Kim from the reunion show last season, proclaiming that Big Poppa was leaving his wife and he and Kim were going to be TOGETHA! FOREVA!

More surprising in Kim news is that this crazy delusional ho wants to start a wig business. She attended all of 5 minutes at a cosmetology school (during which she thought about lunch and then dinner) and decided that she didn't need to know all about hair in general, just wigs. That makes perfect sense if you're Kim. Besides, she would just hire people who know what they're doing.

Well, really, isn't that what Sheree did last season with her She by Sheree line? She didn't design the clothes, she didn't make them or sew them, she simply wanted to run a business and leave the heavy lifting to people who knew what they were doing.

I had no idea starting and running a business was so easy.

Anyhow, Sheree seemed to have mellowed and perhaps become a little bit nicer - - despite the fact I think she's full of crap claiming that she was evicted from her Sandy Springs home because she didn't realize her ex-husband wasn't making the mortgage payments. Please.

Until she practically gave her event planner Anthony a beat down. Really? Who does stuff like this? How can you claim to be one of Atlanta's elite while telling a professional during a dispute "eat me"?

As far as the rest of the Ho'wives - - Lisa and Ed are considering having another child. Yawn. Lisa still wants nothing to do with Kim or her ratty wig. NeNe has moved into a larger house, neighboring Lisa's and has cut her hair even shorter. Just don't get a wig from Kim, NeNe! Dwight is back and he finds NeNe's interior design "dreadful". New Ho'wife Kandi used to be in a group, she writes songs and she's engaged to some dude with 6 kids. Yawn.

From the previews for the upcoming season it looks like NeNe meets her biological father, Kim tries singing again, Kandi cries to her mom, Sheree and Kim get into it, Lisa starts her own fashion line and Sheree is pissed because Lisa is unfashionable and obviously copying her. Let the good times roll!

Because It's Thursday

Source: scienTOMogy.com

Let's share the "specialness" of Scientology, shall we?

Never discuss Scientology with the critic. Just discuss his or her crimes, known and unknown.

L. Ron Hubbard

How about that? You hold on to the tin cans and then this guy asks you a bunch of questions, and if you pay enough money you get to join the master race. How's that for a religion?

Frank Zappa

Make money. Make more money. Make other people produce so as to make more money.

L. Ron Hubbard

I'd like to start a religion. That's where the money is.

L. Ron Hubbard

Some people, well, if they don't like Scientology, well then, fuck you. Really, fuck you. Period.

Tom Cruise

AIDS is a state of mind, not a disease.

Jenna Elfman

I wish I could defend Scientology better, but I don't even think it deserves to be defended, in a sense.

John Travolta

Fuck those people [Scientologists]! There's no way I'll ever get involved with that son-of-a-bitchin' group! All they want is my money.

Elvis Presley

The (Un)Real Housewives of Atlanta are Back!

Photo Source: DListed

That's right, fans! Sheree and her delusions, Kim and her extensions, Lisa and her hubby and NeNe and her attitude are back!



Don't forget to set your DVRs or TiVos tonight because the previews for this season looked spectacularly trashy. It appears that Sheree and NeNe made peace, while Sheree realized what a backstabbing hobag bitch Kim is and prepares to rip those cheap extensions right off her head! Exactly why people like me watch shows like this.



For reasons currently unknown, (rumored that she was boring - - and we all know on reality t.v. it's a cardinal sin to be boring!) it appears that DeShawn Snow is not returning and has been replaced by some new ho with music connections (because the preview shows Kim once again trying to prove her "worth" by singing). Kim, darling, we heard "Tardy to the Party" last season. I am still trying to recover from that.



"The Real Housewives of Atlanta" on Bravo tonight at 10 pm.

One Book

Image: trekearth.com

I saw this list over at The Bluestocking Society (http://www.thebluestockings.com/) and thought it would be fun to fill out:

One Book You're Currently Reading: Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone
Okay, I'm ten years behind the times . . . but better late than never.

One Book That Changed Your Life: Life on the Other Side
Sylvia Browne's version of heaven leaves no fear of death or dying

One Book You'd Want on a Deserted Island: The Complete Works of Jane Austen
Maybe then I would be able to finish Mansfield Park?

One Book You've Read More Than Once: Helter Skelter
The grandaddy of true crime books, the story is just as frightening today as it was in 1969

One Book You've Never Been Able to Finish: Mansfield Park
As much as I love Pride and Prejudice, I just cannot get thru MP.

One Book That Made You Laugh: Historical Cats
Okay, it is a cartoon-like book but cat lovers will appreciate it

One Book That Made You Cry: Bid Time Return/Somewhere in Time
The first movie obsession I ever had, this movie and book got me interested in time travel

One Book You Keep Rereading: Pride and Prejudice
I reread this generally every year and it's still as fresh and witty as it was during the first read

One Book You've Been Meaning to Read: The Picture of Dorian Gray
The old movie was fabulous and I'm trying to add more classics to my reading list

One Book You Believe Everyone Should Read: Rebecca
As far as gothic mysteries go, this one is near perfection

Candy Spelling Is At It Again

Source: Yahoo

You know, you would think that Candy Spelling would just sit back in her 50-something room mansion and spend her days either happily ensconced in her doll room, or her gift wrapping room, or letter writing room, or watching reruns of Love Boat or Charlie's Angels or even spend a little down time counting all the money that Aaron left her.



Nope. Mrs. Spelling is back to air her dirty laundry with daughter Tori, yet again. This time she's sent an email (ostensibly from her computer room) to TMZ.



Candy's email includes addressing the actual email to "middle aged reality show stars (like my daughter)", and claiming that she didn't want to meet her granddaughter for the first time at a big party.



First, I think that Candy is behaving like a child. If she's upset with Tori, can't she call her up? Or did she misplace the phone somewhere in the Spelling Manor and can't find it? Seriously though - - sending an email to a gossip site? To complain about your child's behavior? Really?



I think this is definitely a case of the pot calling the kettle black. Or close to it. For Candy to slam Tori for using her children to move her career forward is disingenuous. I don't think for one moment that Candy had two children with Aaron because she wanted children so badly. I think it's more likely that Aaron wanted to have children and Candy wanted to remain Mrs. Spelling and so she took that bullet. Twice.



Calling Tori "middle aged" is quite funny, really. I wouldn't consider anyone in their 30s middle-aged. What does that make Candy exactly?



And I would want to know why Candy hasn't met her granddaughter yet. Let's say, for argument's sake, that Tori is being difficult and doesn't want to encourage any relationships between her mother and her children, despite what she's said in her books, on her reality show and in interviews. So why would Candy wait a year and then publicly speak out against her daughter, right before her daughter's reality show airs a two-part episode revolving around Stella's first birthday party and the fact that Candy, while invited, didn't show for the party?



I understand that Candy didn't want to participate in Tori and Dean's reality show. I understand she may have wanted to spend time with her granddaughter without cameras around. So don't sign the waiver and the show can't air your footage. It's as simple as that. Or come back the next day, when the camera crews are gone. Okay, you don't want to meet your granddaughter at a big party. What then? Wait until she graduates from high school?



I'm finding it very hard to defend Candy in any way. Stella turned a year old in June, I think. Candy and Tori live in the same city. What is the deal exactly? If Candy truly wants to meet her grandchild, and Tori is agreeable, then why hasn't this been done?

Katie Cries Fire

Source: Yahoo

In case you missed it last week, Katie "My Marriage is a Sham" Holmes made an appearance on So You Think You Can Dance, ostensibly to pay tribute to Judy Garland and benefit the Dizzy Feet Foundation but more likely to pay tribute to herself and benefit her future after Tom cancels her contract. The feedback was less than positive - - mainly because Katie's reps billed her performance as some second coming of Christ and it was, shall we say, less than overwhelming?



So Nigel Lythgoe got his panties in a bunch and Twittered in Katie's defense (and his too, since he basically gave the green light for this untalented Xenu-lover to appear on his show), even threatening to ban some Twitter followers from his show due to their negativity. Wow, Nigel - - temper tantrum much? Why can't he understand people are upset not because they expected Katie to be a great dancer, although that's what we were spoon fed, but because she was appearing on a dancing show and giving the most uninspired performance, even after reported "weeks" or even "a year" of training and practice?



When is the Holmes/Cruise camp going to realize that if a pig is a pig even dressed in silk, that an untalented twit is still an untalented twit, even if faux-married to Tom Cruise?



With all the negativity and backlash, what's a famewhore to do? Drum up some sympathetic publicity with a fake near death story, of course!



Just like clockwork,reports came out from Melbourne (where Katie is filming Don't Be Afraid of the Dark) that Katie narrowly escaped injury when the battery of a car she was filming inside of exploded, sparking smoke and fumes before catching fire.



How convenient. She was almost hurt and that makes the news? And right after she got her ass handed to her on a silver platter, with a handwritten note saying "What the fuck?" by all the SYTYCD fans?



While it is possible that a battery may have exploded, I seriously doubt Katie was in any type of danger. If the battery did indeed spark smoke and fumes, that certainly would give you the heads up something isn't right and to get out of the car.



Frankly, I doubt there was any type of smoke or fumes at all. This movie set is closed to the general public so it's unlikely a mere minion would have seen this and released the story to the press. It smacks of the "Tom Cruise is a hero" stories that Pat Kingsley fed the press back in the 90s.

I'm not buying it. Nice try, Holmes-Cruise camp.

Psychotic Review: "Bundy: A Legacy of Evil"

Thank God for the Blockbuster Netflix-like program because if I had paid nearly $5 to rent this piece of junk, I would have been angry.

I had selected it for two reasons. One, because I have read nearly every piece of written work on the infamous serial killer Ted Bundy. I hesitate to say he's my "favorite" serial killer but his story fascinates me, mainly because of his abnormal psychological makeup and because I don't think the FBI is anywhere close to his actual victim count. Two, because Corin Nemec (who stars as Bundy) was hilariously funny as Parker Lewis in the late 80s/very early 90s sitcom "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" and heartbreakingly real as Steven Stayner in "I Know My First Name is Steven". I couldn't imagine Mr. Nemec as Ted Bundy but I figured since he absolutely nailed the Steven Stayner role - - in a movie that still makes me cry, after having seen it at least half a dozen times - - he shouldn't have any problem playing the serial killer.

Was I ever wrong.

There are so many problems with this 2008 release - - actually, was it ever released in theaters? Because I don't remember it. Certainly, it would be hard to accurately outline Ted Bundy's life within the confines of a standard 2 hour movie so compilations have to be made. I expect that. But writer/director Michael Feifer not only changed the circumstances of some of Bundy's abductions, but the time frame. Inexcusable! He also left out Bundy's real life longtime girlfriend, who actually called a crime hotline to report him when she became suspicious. As she was with Bundy for more than 6 years and wanted to marry him at the time, it seems a poor choice to not even mention her. Worse, he devoted so much time to Bundy's college romance of co-ed Stephanie, complete with a nauseating montage of "in love" scenes, set to mushy, romantic music, that might have been better served exploring more of Bundy's dark side.

The writing feels uneven, leaving the movie choppy. Much, much worse is the acting and apparent lack of direction.

This was obviously a low budget film and I don't expect to have known actors playing bit parts of victims, family members or witnesses. However, the acting is so atrocious it makes it hard to watch the movie. Mr. Feifer seemed to do little in the way of encouraging his bit actors to emote more and Mr. Nemec to emote less.

For me, the worst part of the movie was Mr. Nemec. He overacted, he snarled, he howled at the moon and he chewed scenery up so viciously that Bette Davis, in her worst overacted performance, would have been left feeling faint. I noticed during the credits that Mr. Nemec was a producer and that is the only explanation I have as to why Mr. Feifer did not reel him in. He is so over the top, so overblown with his glaring, his sneers, his growling and what I assume was to be shown as his sociopathic behavior that his characterization of Bundy quickly became camp. And not enjoyable camp, but painful to watch camp. Particularly since I know that Corin Nemec has talent. Sadly, it's just not evidenced in this monstrosity.

If you're interested in Bundy's criminal life, check out the miniseries "The Deliberate Stranger" with Mark Harmon. Although Harmon plays Bundy as a suave ladies man (far from the truth), the overall concept is much closer to the reality than this offering, or the 2001 "Ted Bundy", where the film isn't great, although Michael Reilly Burke's portrayal of Bundy grasps the real degenerate Bundy was.

My grade: F

Psychotic Book Review: "The Family Fortune"

"The Family Fortune" by Laurie Horowitz is a modern retelling of Jane Austen's "Persuasion" but it's a delightful read whether you are an Austen fan or not, or familiar with "Persuasion" or not.

Jane Fortune is a Boston woman in crisis. She's pushing 40 (38, in fact), she's unmarried with little prospects, her family fortune appears to be in serious jeopardy and her first love, author Max Wellman, is back.

Jane edits a literary journal, which she founded, and while she has great satisfaction from finding the next literary genius, she years for true love. The first great literary genius she found, Max Wellman, went on to become a successful novelist. She still pines for Max, who she left 15 years earlier on the advice of her mother's oldest friend, Priscilla.

To further complicate matters, the family finances are in peril - - a fact which Jane's father Teddy can't understand and Jane's older, and unmarried, sister Miranda refuses to understand. Jane's younger sister Winnie is too busy suffering from her own ailments to concern herself with her family's troubles, and that includes her husband and her own sons.

"The Family Fortune" is told from Jane's point of view and what makes the book such an enjoyable read, besides the obvious Austen connection, is Jane's likability. You root for her and you want her to succeed, feeling that she deserves a better fate than being treated as little more than a servant by her own sisters and father. Jane isn't stupid, she's merely sold herself short for far too long.

My only complaint, if you can call it that, with this book is that I don't believe the character of Max was developed enough. I wish we could have seen more about why Jane fell so madly in love with him.

Regardless, "The Family Fortune" was well worth the time spent to read it - - less than six days for me (not bad, revolving around my full time work schedule and family). I would definitely recommend it to any Austen or romance fan.

My grade: B

Psychotic Review: "Drop Dead Diva"

Brooke Elliott and Margaret Cho as Jane and Terry on "Drop Dead Diva"

"Drop Dead Diva", a new show brought to us by Lifetime, actually premiered back on July 12 but I managed to catch the first two episodes through the In-Demand feature on our cable. (It was a boring afternoon).

Here's the concept. Deb is a shallow aspiring model who is headed to audition for "The Price is Right" but is so busy talking on her cell phone and applying lip gloss that she strikes a truck and is killed. She finds herself in the booking center for Heaven, with Gatekeeper Fred reviewing her life on his trusty computer and being shocked to find that Deb has neither good acts nor bad acts. His very first "zero/zero" in fact. Deb, wanting to go back to her handsome fiancee Grayson and her audition with "The Price is Right", hits the return key on Fred's computer, sending her back to Earth and into the first available body.

That body turns out to be Jane Bingum, a dowdy "size 16" lawyer who unwittingly got in the middle of a domestic dispute at the office and was shot. Jane's soul has already passed on, but her body welcomes Deb's spirit.

So Deb, who hasn't been "anything more than a size 2 in her whole life", except for those freshman 15 she put on, which led her to quit community college, finds herself in Jane's "size 16" body, complete with Jane's intelligence and desires (like chocolate).

Fred is demoted from Gatekeeper in Heaven and sent to Earth to keep on eye on Deb as Jane - - as the new clerk in Jane's law firm.

And just to keep things totally interesting, Deb's boyfriend Grayson - - who Deb as Jane learns was going to propose to her the week following her death - - is hired as a new associate at Jane's firm.

While "Diva" certainly doesn't break any new ground, it's a light, bubbly comedy that is perfect for summertime viewing. Brooke Elliott as Jane is absolutely wonderful to watch. She perfectly nails Deb as Jane, particularly in a few of the courtroom scenes where Deb realizes that she does indeed possess all of Jane's intelligence and is a pretty fierce attorney. Margaret Cho plays Jane's loyal assistant, Terry who always has coffee and a doughnut on hand for her boss.

Throw in fashionable and yet less competent attorney Kim, who delights in putting down Jane and seems interested in getting to know Grayson, as well as managing partner Parker who is always after the big win and the big bucks, and Deb's equally shallow and dimwitted friend Stacy, who knows about Deb as Jane, and Lifetime has a fun little escapist series.

My grade: B

"Drop Dead Diva" is on Lifetime Sunday nights at 9 pm.

Psychotic Review: "Being Human"

"Being Human" on BBC America, Saturdays at 9 pm

I love the supernatural. I find it fascinating, which is very clear by our DVR schedule - - "True Blood", "Supernatural" to name but two - - and our DVD collection, including "Twilight", "Time After Time" and seasons of "Smallville". So when I read a positive review in People of a BBC showing premiering this weekend in which the reviewer likened it to a supernatural sort of "Friends", I decided that I should check it out.

"Being Human" is most definitely a different type of show. And maybe not for everyone. It's about roommates Mitchell, George and Annie. Here's the kicker though. Mitchell is a vampire, George is a werewolf and Annie is a ghost.

Annie, while living in the British flat with her fiancee, fell down the steps, died and can't seem to leave the residence. George, while on holiday in Scotland, went for a late night stroll and barely survived an attack by a werewolf, while his companion was mauled to death. Mitchell was a British soldier during World War I who stumbled onto a nest of vampire soldiers feeding on a kill and sacrificed himself in order to keep his men safe. George and Mitchell met, decided to become flatmates while both working in the same hospital and trying to keep each other from killing both random strangers and friends. Having Annie permanently in residence is an added bonus, especially for Annie who has managed to scare the last few tenants away, although she does have an unnerving habit of always making tea (and being unable to drink it). Oh, and Annie's former fiancee is Mitchell's and George's landlord, adding to Annie's angst.

"Being Human" is unusual in that the show definitely has dashes of humor, both light and dark. In the first episode alone we see how George deals with his "time of the month", finding an appropriate place to "change", while Annie sympathizes about how she had to curl up on the couch with "Pride and Prejudice"; Annie's delight in realizing the pizza delivery man can see her and drilling him with excited questions about how he came about getting his job; Mitchell's frantic driving of George to the countryside for an acceptable place to "change" before deciding putting him in the flat is for the best.

But "Being Human" is not a comedy. It's more a "Dark Shadows" for 2009, without the overt soapiness, and with some adult situations, brief flashes of naked male buttocks and bloodshed.

I found "Being Human" far more interesting and intense than I expected. Aidan Turner, Russell Tovey and Lenora Crichlow are well cast and have great chemistry as the unusual trio of Mitchell, George and Annie, respectively. So far, the show has given some interesting dilemmas to the characters and made them seem real, even with the supernatural elements. You, as the viewer, feels for Annie's loneliness and despair that her fiancee has found a new partner and he can't see her, despite the fact the pizza delivery man can. You feel Mitchell's desire to feed on humans, while wanting desperately to change. You feel George's agitation over having his "safe room" in the hospital taken over and panicking because he needs somewhere to "change", without people around.

Mitchell, George and Annie could be anyone we know - - co-workers, neighbors or friends. And that makes "Being Human" all the more believable and shocking.

My grade: A

So The Bitch Thinks She Can Dance

Photo Source: Celebitchy

So much for Katie Holmes' "Oscar worthy" performance. Even if you could pick up one of the gold statuettes for television work, I don't think Ms. Holmes would find herself on the ballot.

Anyunderwhelminglytalentedhoway, Katie inexplicably "performed" on So You Think You Can Dance last night. I say "performed" because it wasn't live, which kind of goes against the premise of SYTYCD, doesn't it? Wouldn't that be like sending over Adam Fucking Lambert's studio recording on Idol performance night? With the obvious, glaring exception that Adam Fucking Lambert can actually sing.

So Tommy's little robot did some music video ripoff - - she appears in a 1930s style car, then gets out and then walks around some set designed to look like a deserted street - - or the opening night of Mission Impossible IV. Girlfriend walks around and then is escorted onto a sound stage where she "performs" Judy Garland's "Get Happy".

And did Katie ever give a performance! She . . . uh . . . she kicked! She twirled! She kicked! She sashayed! She smirked! And yes, she lip synced because apparently kicking and smirking takes a lot out of a girl.

I don't know, I'm still waiting for the actual performance to start. Was this supposed to kickstart her career? Because I think it's going to kickstart her right in her Scientological ass. And since when does sounding like Minnie Mouse locked in a helium factory on a month long bender considered singing? (Thanks to Jazzbo over at Free Katie for the suggestion that Katie sounds like Minnie Mouse).

Can we please send Katie off to Lifetime movies and be done with it?

NOOOOOOOOO!

Source: DListed

For all of us who are looking forward to the annual display of delusions, broken dreams and fuckery better known as the American Idol auditions, the brilliant and witty vodka-filled observations by Paula Abdul may be absent come August 6, when the callbacks begin.

Paula's manager has told The Los Angeles Times that "Very sadly, it does not appear that she's going to be back on Idol. I find it under these circumstances particularly unusual; I think unnecessarily hurtful. I find it kind of unconscionable and certainly rude and disrespectful that they haven’t stepped up and said what they want to do. She’s not a happy camper as a result of what’s going on. She’s hurt. She’s angry. I think at this point we’re going to be considering everything, including some kind of a competition show. She has tremendous ideas for a whole variety of shows."

The thought of American Idol without the guiding hand of judgery issued by Paula is hurtful, rude and disrespectful. How are we supposed to get through one episode, much less an entire season, without Paula's boozy declarations of love and talk of magic rainbows and fairy dust? They are downright iconic.

I would say that if Paula doesn't return, I won't watch Idol any longer but that's a big fat lie. I'm Idol's bitch and will totally watch. However, how boring will the judgery be? How boring will my reviews be? Sassy Pants will still be Sassy Pants, Randy will still be an idiot, Kara will still be borderline irrelevant - - it's Paula and her crazy that make the show.

Come on, American Idol. Pay up and keep Paula on the payroll. Otherwise, we'll send Douchey Geekey and his heart shaped fingers to haunt your days and nights.

An Open Letter to Jada Pinkett Smith

DListed

Dear Ms. Pinkett Smith:

Normally I don't much give you the time of day because, well - -let's face it - - you're not in the news much. Unless you talk about your sex life with your husband. Which is happening more and more often.

Look, I understand how the Hollywood game is played. Publicity is necessary when you're not an A-lister. Which you're not. Not by what you've accomplished and not by who you're married to. And would you kindly pass along that little tidbit to your good friend and tigress Katie Holmes? Because I have a sneaking suspicion she believes she's A list and I think she's delusional enough, as is, being married to someone like Tom Cruise and thinking looking 55 when you're 30 is somehow hot and relevant.

Anyhow, I digress. Let's get back to you. I know that you have a new series out that you (and your show's producers) are anxious to promote. Some nursing show, I think, but I'm really not certain because I don't watch it. I would say it's nothing personal but honestly, it is. Partly because you tend to overshare when you give interviews or just open your mouth.

I have a feeling that the producers of your show would much rather you talk about why you chose that particular show to work on, what you like about your character, why people should watch it, how fabulous your co-stars are . . . are you getting my drift? I don't think those producers feel it's necessary for you to overshare about how active and abundant your sex life is with Will. I know I personally don't feel it's necessary.

If you have an active sex life, good for you. If Will has an active sex life, good for him. I believe you probably do - - but with your constant diarrhea of the mouth and inability to censor yourself, I also believe that while both you and Will have active sex lives, it's not necessarily with each other. Again, Ms. Pinkett-Smith, I do know how things work in Hollywood.

That said, if you don't care about what the general public thinks (and I am speaking for them right now), think about your children. Most children don't want to even think that their parents have had sex at all. Maybe once, to conceive them, but that's it. Your children are at an age where they hear what you say and, more importantly, their friends hear what you say. Don't you ever stop to think that you may be embarrassing them, with all this talk about sex and kissing and backseats of the limos, etc.?

Maybe you should take a page from your husband's playbook. He tends to be a lot more reticent and tactful when speaking in interviews. Don't get me wrong, he's had his moments too. And his so-called friendship with Tom Cruise certainly didn't do him any favors. But he doesn't seem to rub me the wrong way the way you do - - and I don't find myself wanting to break his jaw and yell at him to shut the fuck up every time I see a snippet of an interview with him.

I hope this letter has been helpful to you and I hope I stated my points clearly and in a manner you can understand. I'm sure if there is any confusion, you will grab your handy dictionary and immediately achieve another OT level by doing so. But secretly, of course, because honestly does anyone these days want to publicly proclaim to be a Scientologist?

So let's try and be tactful with our next interview, okay? Just stick to topics like your new t.v. show and . . . hmmm . . . maybe just the t.v. show is good for now. And could you please tell that tigress Katie Holmes to never allow her so-called husband to do the "single ladies dance" again?

Thanking you in advance,

Lori

Again?

Since she doesn't have a job and is apparently not currently stalking Samantha Ronson all over Europe, it's time to bust out the "Lohan is the New Marilyn Monroe!" bullshit schtick she and her Boil on the Ass of Society Mother Dina are so fond of.

Because we Americans aren't totally stupid, Lohan has taken her stoned dog and pony show over to Spain and is currently "gracing" the cover of Vogue Espana, looking like some washed up adult store mannequin. What is it with these Lohan offspring? Lohan herself is quite possibly the oldest looking 22 or 23 year old on the planet and younger sister Ali, rather than looking her actual 15 years, looks as though she's a divorcee who's been prowling through a Las Vegas casino all night, for some sugar daddy to buy her a Long Island iced tea.

The cover proclaims her the "new" Marilyn. Uh, yeah. If she's going for the 36 year old, drug addicted, bloated and newly dead Marilyn then I would say yep, Lohan's got that one sewn up.

Seriously. Lohan people. Give it a rest. Lohan will never be the new Marilyn. She is not even remotely in the same league with Marilyn Monroe, unless you count personal problems.

Shouldn't her 15 minutes have been up eons ago? And since Spain put her on their magazine cover, can they keep her?

Utah Loves Sex Offenders

Outstanding former Murray police officer and child molester Michael Spilman;
Source: Bonnie's Blog of Crime

Say you sexually abused a teenage girl for four years, starting when this girl was only 12 or 13 years old. Say your sexual abuse began to get more violent as time went on. Once caught, what would you expect your punishment to be?

Well, if you're former Murray, Utah police officer Michael Spilman you'd get a whopping 2 year jail term, 36 months of probation and a $5,000 fine. Those Utah courts sure are harsh, aren't they?

Spilman had been on the force in Murray for nine years when he resigned in January, one day before charges were officially filed against him. He was jailed and held on $150,000 bond before making a plea agreement to plead guilty to two second degree felony counts of sexual abuse. Spilman faced a possible prison term of up to 30 years but on Monday, Judge Dennis Fuchs gave Spilman the little slap on the wrist. Spilman's attorney Catherine Roberts, who should be forced in disgrace to leave the Women's Club, asked for leniency in light of Spilman's experience as a law enforcement officer. Personally, I think he should be judged more harshly due to his position as a law enforcement officer.

Judge Fuchs didn't agree. He did express concerns over the ongoing assault, and felt that as a police officer, Spilman should have known better - - but still gave Spilman an inexplicably lenient sentence of jail instead of prison.

For his part, Spilman apologized to his victim saying he felt ashamed of his actions. Yeah, right. Too little, too late, buddy. And I doubt "shame" is in Spilman's vocabulary.

Spilman hoped to be released soon and to see his son - - because he's a great role model and all. I'm sure if Spilman tells bleeding heart Judge Fuchs he's really, really sorry, he might be able to write "I will not sexually abuse little girls" 100 times and be free to go home.

Naturally, Spilman's' wife intends to file for divorce.

Murray, Utah should be "ashamed", to quote Spilman. Judge Fuchs should be ashamed. Catherine Roberts should be ashamed. This whole thing is a disgrace. Spilman has violated a young girl's trust and robbed something from her she can never get back. He didn't just physically abuse her, he emotionally abused her as well. And Roberts heaped on the abuse by claiming Spilman's job should warrant him leniency, with Fuchs assisting by not permitting justice to be done in this case.

Ryan O'Neal is a Pig

Source: People

And so is Alana Stewart.

Why? Because, according to In Touch, the pair were busted having sex in a room next door to the gravely ill Farrah Fawcett. O'Neal was supposedly engaged to Farrah and Stewart was supposedly a long-time friend.

What makes this little scenario worse is that it was Farrah's father who walked in on the pair.

Let's say for argument's sake that O'Neal and Stewart were comforting each other and Farrah knew all about it. Let's even say she was fine with it. We're not talking about two teenagers here - - O'Neal and Stewart are both over 60. If they absolutely just had to give in to their impulses, why not go get a hotel room? Or go to Stewart's home? Or O'Neal's?

Imagine being Farrah's father, coming to visit his terminally ill daughter - - perhaps knowing this may be the last time he sees her. And to see his daughter's longtime companion, who has publicly professed to be so in love with Farrah, humping Farrah's so-called best friend like a dog in heat.

There are no words. Shame on O'Neal and Stewart for being so disrespectful to Farrah's father and to Farrah herself.

There is Reasoning in Nature

Source: CDAN

As wonderful as science and technology are, maybe there are some areas that are better left up to nature, God or whatever you believe.

Maria Bousada died this week at the age of 69. Now you may be wondering who she is and what the big deal is, since 69 isn't super young or terribly old. Maria Bousada held the record for a short while when, at 66 years old, she gave birth to twins. So that means that Ms. Bousada left two toddlers behind - - two toddlers who not only won't be brought up by their mother, but who probably won't remember her either. And to make matters even better, Ms. Bousada wasn't married. So no father to step in.

Ms. Bousada had her children as a result of in vitro fertilization that was done at the Pacific Fertility Center in California. She had claimed that she told the Center she was 55 years old (their cut off for in vitro) and they apparently took her word for it, not asking for any proof. They just took the $59,000 she forked over (from the sale of her house) and got the lab ready.

Look, I'm all for people doing what makes them happy and many people feel that being a parent is a calling for them. But if you're 65 or 66 years old, maybe being a parent wasn't for you. Maybe you should get a dog or cat instead. Or how about the Big Brother or Big Sister program? Even taking in an older foster child, because older children are so much harder to place. But bringing one child, much less two, into the world when the odds are greater that you may not be around for their high school graduation seems selfish and cruel. Ms. Bousada's mother may have lived to be 101 years old, but Ms. Bousada didn't even have a house to leave her children. Is that fair to them? And is it fair to Ms. Bousada's brother to now have the legal, financial and emotional responsibilities for raising two very young children? These children aren't teens -- they aren't even half grown. They are still toddlers, very dependent and having a lot of growing still to do.

Again, it's not my place to decide what makes other people happy and fulfilled but maybe one person's (short-term, as it turned out) happiness isn't worth two children growing up without even memories of their mother.

I Hate It When I Like Her

Due to a nasty summer cold, I couldn't sleep last night and found the t.v. on TBS and an airing of The Holiday. Now, I am not a fan of Cameron Diaz but I thought since I had seen the movie before, it would be the perfect thing to have on to (hopefully) doze off to. Turns out I ended up watching the whole thing.

As I've said before, I don't like Cameron Diaz. She reminds me of a hyperactive muppet that just got dragged out of the dryer. I don't understand her appeal and word on the street is that she gets highly offended when asked for an autograph. Yes, those same people that pay good money to go and see her movies who would like her signature instead get a lecture on how demeaning it is to ask for autographs and what a burden it is to Ms. Diaz. Attitudes like that piss me off. I'm not saying she shouldn't be able to enjoy a private life but being a public figure comes with some responsibilities and some inconveniences (as well as some perks, as Cameron can attest when she goes on vacation several times a year).

Anyhow . . . despite the fact that Cameron Diaz makes me want to tear my eyelashes out one by one, I liked her in this movie and I loved the movie itself. I know it helps that her character was a likeable, relatable type and Kate Winslet, whom I adore, also stars in this movie.

Diaz is Amanda Woods, owner of a film trailer company is L.A., who is breaking up with her cheating boyfriend. Winslet is Iris, a London-based journalist who is devastated to find out that her former boyfriend (also a co-worker) is recently engaged to another co-worker. Both women find a house exchange website and decide to switch residences for two weeks over the Christmas holiday, with Amanda going to Iris' small Surrey countryside cottage and Iris moving in to Amanda's spacious Sunset Boulevard digs. Amanda meets Iris' brother Graham (Jude Law) and promptly falls for him. Iris, meanwhile, meets Amanda's co-worker Miles (Jack Black), and hits it off, as well as Amanda's neighbor, Arthur Abbott, who was once a screenwriter during the Golden Era of Hollywood. Some of the best parts of The Holiday involve the character of Arthur, who is played by real life Hollywood scion Eli Wallach. His puzzlement and fear over the changing neighborhood, as well as his feeling that Hollywood has forgotten him, is particularly touching - - as is his continued devotion to his late wife. His chemistry with Winslet is beautiful. I'm not a particular fan of Jude Law but his portrayal of the excessively teary, emotional Graham - - in direct contradiction to the emotionally stunted Amanda - - is a nice change and well done. Black plays his usual effervescent, likable self although toned down a bit for this movie.

All in all, The Holiday is definitely a chick flick but one that can transcend genders and allow the guys to enjoy this one as well.

Psychotic Review: "See You in a Hundred Years"

Many of us yearn for the simple life and a return to gentler times. Journalist Logan Ward and his attorney wife Heather, tired of their stressful lives and lack of family time, made it a reality, living Manhattan behind not only for farm in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia but living as if it were 1900.

This book is an account of their year in the country, in 1900, beginning in June 2001 with their culture shock of both small town Virginia and living without the amenities and luxuries we daily take for granted. No more automobiles. No more running water. No more electricity. No cell phones or telephones. No microwaves, dishwasher, washing machine or dryer.

Most interesting to me are Logan's accounts of their daily lives - - with Logan pumping water from a well, milking goats, watching out for snakes and learning how to drive a horse and wagon; Heather cooking three meals a day on an old woodstove, handwashing clothing, including their two year old son's diapers, and keeping an energetic toddler at bay while accomplishing the daily chores. Additionally, both Logan and Heather deal with planting a garden of winter foods, drought, pest infestation (both in the garden and in the house) and safely canning enough food for winter.

While I wish there had been even more accounts of the day to day life, it was rewarding to hear of the Ward family writing letters to family and friends, as well as their evenings spent reading books aloud to each other or simply sitting on their front porch, enjoying both the quiet and their own company.

In the end, the Wards not only found a community that warmly welcomed them (and where they still are, albeit not in 1900) but strengthened their marriage and family. See You in a Hundred Years is a quick and easy read and very entertaining to boot, making the reader wish he could find his own piece of the Shenandoah Valley.

Bitch . . . PLEASE

You probably know, thanks to that ubiquitous "source" (aka Tom Cruise) that Katie Holmes is appearing on the July 23rd episode of So You Think You Can Dance, ostensibly in a "tribute" to Judy Garland. I think "butchery" is probably a more accurate description than "tribute" and this entire thing reeks of a disgusting publicity stunt.

As if blackening Judy Garland's name and reputation by having Katie Freaking Holmes, of all the damn people in the entertainment world, represent her isn't enough publicity for the publicity friendly Ms. Holmes, now we have Ms. Holmes' choreographer making the following public comments:

“The thing that is so awesome is that you won’t know, you don’t know what to expect … but then when you sit and watch it, it’s amazing. Amazing! And it’s not something in my opinion that’s just going to be like ‘oh, how nice.’ It’s not going to be that … ‘oh, look how sweet that is.’ No, it’s real. It’s as real as what you’re seeing now. I’m very proud of it, so I talk really highly of Katie. You get to know someone and their talents and their personality (and) being in my position that’s my job to see and figure out who is ready and how to do it and how to get there. And I have been with Katie for so long now and I was like, ‘yeah, you’re ready, let’s do it.’ I could see the magic. I could see the truth in her talent, and she believes in herself too, so it was all coupled together. Katie reminds me of that MGM Hollywood movie star. Her looks and her essence … she stands there and you’re like ‘what?’ and when you see the way she looks … she looks like she could be on the stage at the Oscars. She’s amazing. (Her performance) it’ll come out of nowhere. It’s Oscar winning!”

Excuse me? First, Mr. Diorio, no television performance, no matter how brilliant, whether it be song, dance or acting, can earn anyone an Oscar. An Oscar is reserved only for film performances. Something Katie Holmes' husband should know, as he's been shut out of one several times. Secondly, Katie Holmes couldn't legitimately buy herself an Oscar because she's so lacking in serious theatrical talent. Let's be honest. The closest Katie Holmes will get to an Oscar is seeing her husband's former wife's Oscar, or his former girlfriend's Oscar.

And is Mr. Diorio seeing the same person I am seeing. Granted, I don't see Katie Holmes in the flesh. Thank God, because the photos the media takes are fright inducing. How this sallow skinned, greasy haired, unattractive woman could ever be seriously compared to the looks and essence of an MGM Hollywood movie star is beyond me. Katie Holmes, in my opinion, is a pale imitation of a C-list MGM Hollywood movie star - - and that's being generous.

How long is Tom Cruise's publicity machine going to continue to churn out "Katie Holmes is amazing" stories? She's not. She has not proven herself worthy of any of this publicity. Short of marrying Cruise, and having his alleged biological child, what exactly has she done of note? The last big film she was in was four years ago - - and she was considered the weakest link, miscast and out of her league. Her "comeback role" of last winter fizzled like a dud firework. Her big Broadway debut last fall was met with lukewarm reviews and little excitement. Her upcoming role in the film "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" promises to be merely a supporting one - - the frightened girlfriend of the father of the girl being haunted. Doesn't sound like an Oscar calibre performance to me.

Enough already. Katie Holmes has overstayed her 15 minutes of fame - - just as her fake marriage has overstayed its welcome. End both of them. Please.

Psychotic Review: "Three Wise Girls"

Image Source: cinephiles.org

God bless Turner Classic Movies because without that wonderful cable station, little gems like this one would be lost to the general public and nothing more than a footnote to Jean Harlow's career, or one of a handful of movies she made during the 30s.

Three Wise Girls is a wonderful little 1932 offering from Columbia, before Jean Harlow cemented her status in Hollywood at MGM as the Platinum Bombshell.

Miss Harlow plays Cassie, a good girl who works as a soda jerk in a small town but who aspires to bigger things in order to provide for her mother and to keep up with her friend Gladys (Mae Clarke) who has become a model in New York. Cassie moves to New York, hoping for the same life as 'Gladys, not realizing that Gladys has been a kept woman by the slick Arthur (Jameson Thomas). Cassie becomes a mannequin (slang for the girls who modeled clothing in the upscale department stores during the 30s) and also meets Jerry (Walter Byron), a man she eventually falls in love with but is devastated to learn is married. Cassie's brash roommate Dot (Marie Prevost) encourages Cassie to take what she can, married or not while Cassie holds tight to her morals.

If you have seen Miss Harlow in her later roles you will realize the role of Cassie is a departure for her. She plays the good, virtuous girl who stays true to her beliefs - - quite different from another 1932 role, that of Lil in Red Headed Woman, who uses her sexuality and men to get ahead. Miss Harlow is fresh and perfectly suited for Cassie and she makes what could be a cookie cutter movie as fun and interesting as it is. The chemistry she shares with the catty Marie Prevost is worth watching the movie for and a shame the two never acted together again.

Any fan of early 1930s movies will enjoy this one. The costumes, as well as the incredible Art Deco interiors and sets, is a feast for the eyes. And seeing Miss Harlow happy and aglow before getting wrapped up in the Hollywood system is a real treat.

Manson Family Member Bruce Davis Up for Parole

Bruce Davis being led into court in 1972. Image Source: cielodrive.com

On September 9, 2009, Bruce Davis is scheduled for his 27th parole hearing. The hearing is scheduled for 3:00 p.m. Pacific time, at the California Men's Colony in San Luis Obispo, where he has been incarcerated since the mid-70s after being moved from Folsom.

Davis was one of Charles Manson's lesser known "Family" members, who was convicted in 1972 for the murders of Gary Hinman and Donald "Shorty" Shea and has the dubious honor of being the last Manson Family member to be convicted of murder. He received two concurrent life sentences for the murders but due to the laws at the time, his sentence was 7 years to life with the possibility of parole.

Davis is also the only Manson Family killer to have received votes for release from the parole board and on two separate occasions, the parole board was split on their decision.

Bruce Davis has been a model prisoner for over 30 years and has appeared before the parole board once a year since the late 80s.

Does Davis deserve release? Has he served his time and paid his debt to society? Yes, he has been incarcerated since 1972 but when you figure he was convicted of two murders, that averages out to about 18 years per murder. Is that enough? Would the families of Gary Hinman and Donald Shea think 18 years is enough for the murder of their loved one?

Interestingly enough, Davis has a history with the controversial Church of Scientology. He worked at the Scientology headquarters in London from November of 1968 until April of 1969, until he was booted for his drug use.

He is also reputed to have been present when Family member Christopher Jesus (known as "Zero" within the Family) allegedly committed suicide on November 5, 1969.

Tom Cruise is 47

Source: DListed

Yes, Suri's so-called daddy has been torturing our earth (from his native Teegack?) for 47 years as of today. I suppose we should be thanking him for not subjecting us to anything like Cocktail or Lions for Lambs or Valkyrie right now (although his part in elevating Katie Holmes to "celebrity" status should earn him a kick in the pants).

Thanks for Michael K. over at DListed for posting the above photo on his website. Obviously Tommy has had a problem with his sweat glands for years. Damn. You would think if Scientologists can cure all problems known to man (drug abuse; dyslexia; mental illness) excessive sweating would be a walk in the park.

Goodbye, Karl Malden

Photo Source: CDAN

Oscar winning actor and class act Karl Malden has passed away at the ripe old age of 97.

Best known, perhaps, for his bulbous nose and Oscar winning performance in A Streetcar Named Desire, Mr. Malden was also nominated for his performance in On the Waterfront, starred in t.v.'s The Streets of San Francisco from 1972-1977, during which time he was nominated for four Emmys, and won an Emmy for his incredible performance in the 1985 miniseries of Joe McGinniss' bestselling Fatal Vision.

In a career that spanned seven decades, Mr. Malden was the president of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences from 1989 until 1992, as well as a longtime spokesman for American Express.

Mr. Malden is survived by his wife of seventy years, Mona. A memorial service is scheduled for the next three to four weeks.

Photo Source: CDAN
KARL MALDEN 1912-2009