Victorian Gothic: Victorian Mourning Etiquette and Mentality
By Stephanie Carroll
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following article, you may also enjoy Stephanie Carroll’s Victorian, Gothic novel
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Victorian
mourning etiquette consisted of a large set of traditions and expectations that
were considered an appropriate way to mourn a death; however, behind the
outward expressions of mourning, there
were anxieties and struggles going on in the deeper psychology of the Victorian
society. Victorian Mourning customs are
all over the internet, but this article includes little known facts that have
been bolded for your convenience.
It’s important to keep in mind that the stages
of mourning were different depending on the specific point in the century. Further, Victorian mourning
could vary quite a lot from Europe to America and even from one coast to the
other. Mourning traditions grew popular out of the United Kingdom after Queen Victoria went into deep mourning when
her beloved husband, Prince Albert, died in 1861 at the age of 42. Some customs
were less strict or elaborate once they reached America. However, there were
some overall traditions that remained relatively the same.
The Death
Death was common during the Victorian Era. A
large percentage of babies and children died as well as adults. It was a
frightening thing as new discoveries about human death spurred more questions than answers. It wasn’t clear if death
occurred due the heart stopping or the brain dying and why these things occurred
at all. This uncertainty led to a fear that people could be buried or
dissected alive.
It also led
to fears regarding what it meant about
the soul if brain death was the ultimate cause of death. People believed the soul resided within the
heart or chest cavity, so it made sense that the heart stopping signaled death
as this would mean the release of the soul, but if it was the brain, then what
did that mean about the soul? Various
advancements in knowledge and technology ultimately created fears over the existence of the soul and
life after death, which is why Victorians were also quite obsessed with ghosts, séances, and
spiritualism.
Unlike
modern times, death most commonly occurred within the home in result of an
illness. Lack of medicine and the use of family members to care for the ill
meant that all the messy and difficult
parts of an illness were witnessed by the direct relatives. Further, the byproducts of the human body
ceasing to function were witnessed and cleaned by family members or by servants
in an upper class home. Historians
have interpreted the elaborate spectacles surrounding death as a way for people
to deal with and overcome the most disturbing and
traumatizing realities of death in Victorian society.
The Funeral and
Burial
The
funerals and burials of the deceased were elaborate shows put on by a family even
at their own financial detriment. People considered the bigger and better the
funeral, the more the departed had been loved, so many would go above and
beyond to prove their affections.
The funeral could take place in the home or in a church. People might have a friend of the family
sit with the dead for a time or have a waiting mortuary to delay the burial in case of a misdiagnosed death. In the home, there might be a viewing, but not usually in a church
unless it was for a very prominent man who would attract more mourners than a
house could accommodate. Sometimes
people would send out an announcement that the funereal was private to deter a
large attendance, but if someone did show up, no one would turn him or her
away.
A family
might hire a normal horse-drawn hearse or one with a glass cover so people
could see inside. Carriages and mourners would follow behind the hearse in a
dramatic precession down public streets to the cemetery. The family might also hire carriages for some of the attendees, and some
families even hired mourners or “mutes” to walk behind the hearse in the
procession.
Of course
the more elaborate each step of the funeral and burial, the better, so families
were encouraged to purchase the most expensive coffins, elaborate head stones,
mausoleums, and family plots. Further, people would buy large amount of
flowers, mourning wardrobes, memorabilia including post mortem photos, known as Memento Mori, and hair jewelry made with locks of hair from
the deceased.
The funeral business was a huge industry. Many
historians believe the popularity of extravagance in funerals originated from
the industry’s desire to make money off of the grieving. However, some historians
argue that the crossover of extravagant mourning to other aspects of Victorian
culture, such as literature, suggests it was much deeper than an economic and fashionable
trend.
Inside The Home
The home
was prepared after a death to be a quiet,
dark solitude of grief. Victorians would cover the mirrors with black sheaths because women were not supposed to partake
in any kind of vanity during this time as they
should look dreadful from weeping. Someone would drape a piece of black velvet
over the portrait of the patriarch if he had passed. They also locked the piano because no one was to play any music, and
there would be no dinner parties or festivities in the house for some time. Sometimes
other areas of the home were also draped or decorated with black fabric. They would drape the family carriage with
black velvet too.
There were
a variety of traditions to signal outsiders that the house was in mourning. Some
people hung black wreaths on the door, or the family covered the doorknobs in
white crepe for a child’s death or black crepe for an adult’s death. Markers like these signaled to visitors
that they should prepare to speak quietly and quickly so they do not overtax or
burden the bereaved. The family might also muffle the doorbell to prevent
any loud noises, which would startle the already anxious nerves of those
inside. Oftentimes, people would not call upon a family in mourning unless they
were close friends or relatives.
Public
Appearances
Although it wasn’t unheard of to forgo mourning, most people abided by the customs as a sign of sorrow and respect
for the dead, especially women and widows in particular. The expectations of mourning were less severe on men who needed to
return to work and provide for the family. Women, on the other hand, were
expected to isolate themselves for months or even years. It was not acceptable
to make or receive calls, attend parties, dances, or any kind of joyous
occasion unless it was musical or theatre related. If one attended, she was not to participate in the festivities. This is why Scarlett O’Hara’s dancing in Gone with the Wind was so scandalous.
When women
did venture out during their mourning, they were supposed to be properly
adorned based on the closeness of the person who had died and on how long that
person had since passed. A period of mourning was expected to last between six
months to two years depending on the relationship to the deceased. It was
always acceptable to mourn longer if the individual so desired.
Mourning
Mentality through Fashion
In the
first stage of mourning, known as deep or full mourning, women were expected to
wear all black or grey dress with heavy,
dull fabrics such as wool or crepe.
Their jewelry was usually made of jet, and they would wear long weeping veils that
reached almost to the ground. During deep mourning, women would isolate themselves,
abstain from joyous occasions, and were encouraged to be emotionally
devastated. Etiquette manuals taught
that women’s nerves would be so rattled that they might be startled by loud
noises, burdened by visitation, and incapable of anything other than weeping.
Although
devastation was expected, it was not
uncommon for men and women in mourning to
get married or remarried. At this time, marriage was still an institution
of survival, and a woman could not last long without a husband unless her
family had the ability to care for her. People
generally tried to wait to remarry until after the deep mourning phase ended;
however, not all women could survive that long without financial support.
Weddings with a bride or groom in mourning would be small and quiet,
usually taking place in a family home and only with the closest of family and
friends in attendance. The bride or groom in mourning would still wear black
mourning garb to the ceremony. Announcements regarding the marriage might go
out afterwards.
After a
period of time, usually a year, a woman could move into half mourning, which
was when she could venture out into public more often and add certain colors to
her wardrobe, including greys, mauves, and whites. Society expected the
transition from mourning garb to cheery colors to be subtle, and many women would transition to a
wardrobe of all white before returning to everyday colors.
Children were less likely to be placed in mourning
garb by adults although in some areas it was still practiced. Older girls would
sometimes be clothed in all white for their mourning garb.
Learn more about Mourning Etiquette and the Death Culture mentality
at these websites and experience Victorian Mourning process with Stephanie
Carroll’s Victorian, Gothic novel
Stephanie
Carroll is the author of Gothic, Victorian novel A White Room, on sale for $0.99
cents for a
limited time! As a reporter and community editor, Stephanie Carroll earned
first place awards from the National Newspaper Association and from the Nevada
Press Association. She holds degrees in history and social science. Her Gothic
and magical writing style is inspired by the classic authors Charlotte Perkins
Gilman (The Yellow Wallpaper),
Frances Hodgson Burnett (The Secret
Garden), and Emily Bronte (Wuthering
Heights).
Find Stephanie Carroll on Facebook - Twitter - Goodreads or on
her website at www.stephaniecarroll.net
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About A White Room
At the
close of the Victorian Era, society still expected middle-class women to be
“the angels of the house,” even as a select few strived to become something
more. In this time of change, Emeline Evans dreamed of becoming a nurse. But
when her father dies unexpectedly, Emeline sacrifices her ambitions
and rescues her family from destitution by marrying John Dorr, a
reserved lawyer who can provide for her family.
John
moves Emeline to the remote Missouri town of Labellum and into an unusual house
where her sorrow and uneasiness edge toward madness. Furniture twists and turns
before her eyes, people stare out at her from empty rooms, and the house itself
conspires against her. The doctor diagnoses hysteria, but the treatment merely
reinforces the house’s grip on her mind.
Emeline
only finds solace after pursuing an opportunity to serve the poor as
an unlicensed nurse. Yet in order to bring comfort to the
needy she must secretly defy her husband, whose employer viciously hunts down
and prosecutes unlicensed practitioners. Although women are no longer burned at
the stake in 1900, disobedience is a symptom of psychological defect, and
hysterical women must be controlled.
A novel
of madness and secrets, A White Room
presents a fantastical glimpse into the forgotten cult of domesticity, where
one’s own home could become a prison and a woman has to be willing to risk
everything to be free.
